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Should I bother?

So, I've met a really great guy who seems to be everything I want......

....but he's Baptist. So far, we've been respectful of each others' beliefs (or lack of them) and we're both fans of life and passion in anything as long as you're true to yourself but.....butbutbut.....he's Baptist! We're still getting to know each other, so we are still being polite (yes, admit it, we all pretend to be someone more personable than who we really are or no mating would ever happen and anyone who denies this is a dingleberry), but I kinda wonder WHEN it's going to hit the fan.

Should I bother? I don't want to be one of those ppl that excludes all religious people from her life but....I don't like religion. I HATE religion! Conversely, we all whine when religious people exclude us from their lives, how can we exclude religious people from our lives?

Do you think it will hit the fan?

If it does, do you think it will be impossible to wipe off the walls after it does?

Am I being too paranoid and sabotaging the relationship?

Should I just nail him a whole lot so we don't have to talk about religion?

Thoughts?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on April 7, 2011 at 7:07am

I would guess a marriage and children would work much the way it does when Christians and Jews intermarry. I don't want kids in the foreseeable future, but I would think if it got to that point, we would somehow agree to work it out. Honestly, if I did have kids, I wouldn't want them to just blindly accept atheism just because mommy said so any more than I'd want them to accept religion just b/c the historical patriarchy says so.

Permalink Reply by Harry Meyer on April 7, 2011 at 7:32am

"Blind acceptance" can only be applied to religion! Because you do not send your kids to Sunday school it does not mean you are depriving them of anything. I say you are doing them a great service by not exposing them to mind control. When they mature they can check out religion on their own. I consider a parent's job is to teach critical thinking so that your children will not become prey to the religion business.

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on April 7, 2011 at 10:53am

That's true, there's nothing blind faithy about atheism, but equal exposure to other things is important to me so that they can make their own choices. It's the same thing with culture. Say I married a Mexican, I wouldn't only introduce them to American and Mexican culture, I'd introduce them to as many as I could so they can decide what they want to be.

Permalink Reply by Harry Meyer on April 8, 2011 at 6:46am

I'm confused, do you want your kids exposed to religion because of the cultural benefit? Surely not! You could give them a course on world religions, but from the view of an atheist. Folkways and culture are so intertwined with religion, but you will NOT bedepriving them of anything by showing them the falacies of religion!

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on April 8, 2011 at 10:36am

If someone you trust whose thoughts you value highly tells, "Hey, you want some candy? Well, you can choose Candy A or Candy B. Candy A is awesome and amazing and delicious. Candy B tastes terrible and gives you the runs," you're probably going to choose Candy A. Sure, it's still a "choice" but it's a heavily influenced choice. I would want them to make up their own minds. There are still plenty of well educated scientists out there that cling to religion for....fuck knows what reason....but it doesn't mean they're incapable of critick thinking,they just compartmentalize their faith. Seems dumb to me, but I'm not the anti-god thought police.

Regardless, I'm just barely getting to know this guy and I don't think I even would want kids, but I'm not going to sit here and be talked down to over my hypothetical parenting.

Permalink Reply by Rene Rosa on April 7, 2011 at 3:37pm

I'm going disagree with this statement: "I would guess a marriage and children would work much the way it does when Christians and Jews intermarry" mainly because I was in a situation where that exact scenario came about.

I was dating a very awesome Christian girl (we're still great friends) and after a few months of dating she broke up with be because of my atheism. Why? Well, according to her she was developing very strong feelings for me, so much so that she started thinking about what would happen if we were to marry and have children and the conflicts that would rise from us trying to teach our children different things when it came to religion and science, etc.

So, where does this lead? She is now married to a Jewish man. I asked her about that, uncomfortably so, in relation to our breakup, but like I said, we're still great friends and are able to have very frank conversations. Well, for her, the fact that he was Jewish was something she could accept more to work out with than someone with no faith at all. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.......... so some religious folks are more tolerant of others with religion than those with none at all because to their perspective at least they have "faith in SOMETHING."

=/

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on April 7, 2011 at 5:40pm

Some folks are do think that faith in SOMETHING, no matter what it is, is better than faith in nothing, but when it comes to Jesus, it would be a little hard to have Mommy say, "No, honey, we're still waiting for the Savior," and Daddy to say, "No, he's already come and got nailed to a tree and left to die by people like your mother." Evil glances are exchanged, angry sex is had, the next day is fine.

Permalink Reply by Harry Meyer on April 7, 2011 at 7:28am

Katie,

You don't have to exclude all religious people from your life BUT. An intimate relationship with a baptist! Doomed before it starts, unless you are just using him for sex;) Remember all the sexist stuff in the bible? Baptists believe it all, "the man is the head" shit will get to you and might get violent.

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on April 7, 2011 at 10:59am

While at least 99% of religions are incredibly patriarchal and sexist, correlation is not causation. There are plenty of godless men out there who devalue women and treat us like second class citizens. Religion does not create sexism, it just helps it thrive.

I'm familiar with the Baptist mindset, but I'm not sure how religious his family is. Some ppl claim religion the way they claim culture. How many PROUD ITALIANS do you know that have never visited Italy and know exactly jack about actual Italian culture and history? Not picking in Italians in particular, that's just the first nationality I thought of. It could be Irish, Russian, Chinese, etc.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on April 7, 2011 at 8:47am

Depends on whether he identifies as baptist religiously or culturally. I have several baptist friends, but most of them don't attend service or believe baptist dogma. That's sort of the key, really, because not every individual believes the same things as others.

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on April 7, 2011 at 9:39am

I like your idea of nailing him a whole lot. There is something very satisfying (to me) about getting religious people to do crazy things in bed.

Also, I think you should relax and see what happens. But don't fall head over heels for him if you can help it, because I don't see how it could work out long term.

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on April 7, 2011 at 11:01am

Yeah, it's so funny how the Bible is the absolute word of God and must be followed and the rules of sexual conduct are crystal clear but somehow, that which produces a boner always seems exempt to these ppl.