So, I've met a really great guy who seems to be everything I want......
....but he's Baptist. So far, we've been respectful of each others' beliefs (or lack of them) and we're both fans of life and passion in anything as long as you're true to yourself but.....butbutbut.....he's Baptist! We're still getting to know each other, so we are still being polite (yes, admit it, we all pretend to be someone more personable than who we really are or no mating would ever happen and anyone who denies this is a dingleberry), but I kinda wonder WHEN it's going to hit the fan.
Should I bother? I don't want to be one of those ppl that excludes all religious people from her life but....I don't like religion. I HATE religion! Conversely, we all whine when religious people exclude us from their lives, how can we exclude religious people from our lives?
Do you think it will hit the fan?
If it does, do you think it will be impossible to wipe off the walls after it does?
Am I being too paranoid and sabotaging the relationship?
Should I just nail him a whole lot so we don't have to talk about religion?
If you want a long term relationship, your wasting your time, even if it goes well while the pheromones/hormones are flowing, there will be a time when you regret it, especially if you have kids.
I suggest you confront him and if he won't give up his religion, have him at least pledge to love you, and obey you, over his religion whenever there is a conflict... If this doesn't work then forget it.
Yeah, there's that issue as well. Religious types are prone to go through revivals, periodically, if they really believe. This will cause more conflicts.
At least that's a good sign that his mother is dating an atheist. They could be the type of believer who only still believes because of the fear of hell. That may mitigate the chances of a religious revival.
I'm sure you've asked yourself this, but
1) how will you raise your children (religion, using the rod, sexual issues..)
2)must your 'obey your husband/SUBMIT ???
3) will you close your eyes and bow your head at the in-laws' table when they all pray? (a big one for me)
1. Why do ppl always assume there will be children? :P
2. Any man who's spent more than 10 minutes with me knows I don't, so it couldn't ever get serious with someone like that.
3. I already do that out of respect to ppl's houses....thought I suppose if I didn't nobody would notice since their eyes are all closed, ha! It's out of respect to their property and their personal customs. I think always having to take your shoes off at someone's house is dumb too, but I'm not gonna run around in Japanese person's house in tennis shoes. When they're in MAH HOUSE, on the other hand, no. We're not doing that crap.
I'll admit to being a bit ... proactive about this sort of thing, in new relationships. I like to bring up things that are likely to drive someone off, early in the relationship. If someone is going to run screaming when she finds out various details about me, I'd rather get that out of the way early on.
Admittedly there isn't that much to reveal that is likely to drive someone off ... except perhaps one of my fetishes/fantasies, which isn't bad as much as just weird. Or, as it would apply to this situation, I'd make sure that any girl who's even vaguely religious knows that I'm a strident anti-theist, at times, and I'd make sure she gets a taste of that to see if she can take it.
In other words, don't exactly try to drive him off, but give the relationship a good destruction testing, early on. During the first periods of a relationship, most people pretend and keep the kid gloves on when dealing with sensitive subjects. Just take the gloves off early and see if you can get a better feel for how the relationship is likely to turn out, later on.