Self-Arranged Marriages

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 11, 2011 at 1:40am

This is a very rational concept, but it should appeal especially to people, who are rational enough to be atheists.

But what about those who don't want a committed, monogamous, long-term relationship?  Not everyone does.  We have plenty around here who don't.

 

You're making the same mistake that groups like Libertarians make: assuming that everyone has the same starting values as you.  If you're using invalid premises, then it doesn't matter how rational you're being in your logical structure.  The GIGO law rules over the most sound argument.

Permalink Reply by Maruli Marulaki on October 11, 2011 at 2:39am

This thread is just irrelevant for those, who do not want commitment.    Only for those who do, self-arranged commitment is a better method than succumbing to instincts.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 11, 2011 at 7:17am

Yet you make several statements that I completely disagree with and feel the need to comment on.

 

For example, in this last post here, you make the implication that more than half of what I say on this site is relevant to the subject at hand.  This is patently false.

Permalink Reply by Maruli Marulaki on October 11, 2011 at 7:26am

I try to formulate it in the terms of logic.

This thread is relevant in the case of a person, who  (is looking for a long-term commitment) AND (is a rational person). 

relevant = important to consider

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 11, 2011 at 7:27am

Atheists aren't necessarily rational, either.  As I said, I know Libertarians.

Permalink Reply by Lorena on October 11, 2011 at 10:49am

Thanx Maruli, this is a very interesting analysis, and I completely agree.

It is exactly the kind of relationship I am searching for

BUT it kind of inevitably involves an ASEXUAL relation... Which makes sense if we leave inside all instincts, since sex belongs to that process of attraction/infatuation/survival of the genes...

There are some guys I could picture myself sharing a "long-term affectionate companionship" with, but since there is no physical attraction, no sex is possible. Go tell a guy you want a monogamous relationship without sex...

Permalink Reply by Maruli Marulaki on October 11, 2011 at 11:36am

"BUT it kind of inevitably involves an ASEXUAL relation... "   

This is not, what I mean at all.   Affectionately bonded companionship is the combination of emotional, intellectual and physical intimacy.   All three are equally important.   

When peoples' instincts drive people into physical intimacy, but they are a mismatch, they may never reach emotional and intellectual intimacy.

But if a couple meets, who starts of neutrally, without any repulsion or repugnancy, and they spend time together in moonlight walks, museums, theater plays, concerts, this causes them to develop emotional and intellectual intimacy, and the physical intimacy follows automatically.   Making a wise choice does not deactivate the instincts, only avoids them to dominate.  
In countries, where marriages are arranged by the family, this does not stop people from becoming loving couples.

Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on October 11, 2011 at 11:47am

It sounds like you are saying you want a life partner not just another sex partner.  To paraphrase on of my favorite Beatles, you want someone who will still need you and feed you (if necessary) when you're 64.  It sounds like you have a sound plan to reach your goal.

Permalink Reply by Carl Pastor on October 11, 2011 at 12:00pm

well, japan still has arranged marriages. due to the decline in total marriages arranged marriages have been decreasing. when i was in business i became good friends with a few men who had mistresses, who they told me they loved. they regarded their wives as child factories.  many of the children of the mistresses were adopted by the husbands and wives, so in many cases the wives know about the mistress.

in the last 20 years, growing numbers of 50+ wives are divorcing thier husbamds. the kids are out of the house and it seems the wife sees no reason to remain.

sorry but it seems to me that without love, such a relationship is doomed to failure as a means to bring happiness to either the husband or the wife

soory im not single

Permalink Reply by Maruli Marulaki on October 11, 2011 at 12:45pm

My focus is on SELF-arranged based upon the best compatibility for emotional and intellectual intimacy.   Marriages arranged due to social status etc. bear the same danger of emotional and intellectual incompatibility as has infatuation.

Permalink Reply by Carl Pastor on October 11, 2011 at 10:51pm

even ifyour idea worked wed still be looking for people of similar social status to marry.  in japan only the first meeting is arranged by others, often they do not meet again, but sometimes they do and then some marry.

close rea]latives of my wifs have done this, and i cant say that they are happier then then those who married because of infatuation.  in addition sometimes infatuation or love can produce relationships which are astoundingly beautiful. these relationshipe seem to never happen with arranged marriages.