Not counting the first 8 years (blame those on my parents - when I could think rationally I did), I have been a life-long atheist. I put that right in my profile ALWAYS. So why is it almost every message I get is from someone who claims to be an xtian? I understand it from the people who just message me with a "hi" or a "let's hook up" (they can't read big words), but from people who have an otherwise nice and interesting profile or people who obviosly read mine thoroughly..I just don't get it.

If your profile says "Christian and quite serious about it" why would you try to date an "atheist and quite serious about it"?

Do they really think they could convert me this late in the game?

Xtians make no sense to me..

 

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You really should because if somebody says "christian and quite serious about it" for all you know they might be unreligious but they still have to put on the pretense they are religious in order to avoid feeling guilty or so their family or friends won't be too angry at them.

You have a point, when it comes to communication with people in real life.  I just wouldn't expect people to closet themselves like that on a dating site.

If someone is being deceitful in that way, for some reason, I'd expect them to correct the incorrect public statement in their first private message.  Hell, even if some guy did do that, I wouldn't believe it.  I'd assume that the guy saw a picture of a hot girl and decided to lie, in an attempt to get laid by the immoral, atheist girl.

 

I will assume that women are not supposed to or don't send out message to men. They just sit back and wait for guys ot contact them. So, I will guess that you don't actually try to contact guys yourself.

You're only seeing the half of it.  It's not that they're not supposed to send out messages ... or even that they don't feel like it.

Being female on a dating site is exhausting.  Most women get bombarded by dozens of messages a day.  My friend Diana, who's a hot, Latino girl, once got something like 200 on one Saturday.  After sorting through all of that, do you really think she had the energy to go searching through the profiles of guys who hadn't contacted her?

 

Another thing I notice from a lot of profiles is that they often say something, don't respond if you are just looking for sex, or however they want to say it. The thing is, this is not necessary to say - at least for me I don't think I want to just have sex and never see a girl again.

 

Maybe not you, but there are a shitload of guys like that.  There's a problem with married guys using singles sites to cheat, apparently.  You can't blame girls for being defensive about a known problem.

 

The girl does not think she is supposed to reply, she just thinks she is supposed ot decide whether she thinks she is compatible with me, and usually I guess they don't answer my message because I'm too short or my nose shape isn't right or maybe because I'm not as fat as them or for whatever other reason. Most women on sites who I try to talk to never respond.

I was going to say something to the effect of, "I don't know if you've worked on your speech patterns and phrasing, but the way you used to talk is likely to drive women off."

I see from this that you're still using the same, offensive adjective-choices.  You've seriously got to learn to pad your language a bit more.  When you tell a woman that she's 'not too fat', she's really not going to take it in the positive way that you may mean it.

So, when a woman gets a dozen messages in a day, like I mentioned above, and your poorly-worded message arrives in her inbox ... she's going to take one brief skim through it, decide you're a goober, and drop it in the bit bucket.

Thats not fair, look, I didn't say anything about a girl's weight in my last 20 attempts to contact women and I don't know that I've ever contacted women and said anything about their weight. I might have in my profile. So what? They wom't contact me because I'm less than 5ft 11in but I'm not supposed to care how fat they are and they use retarded silly euphemisms like cudly or curvey or average to mean fat. Obese is a more technical term for fat. There's really only two categories, fat and skinny. If you really want you could try to squeeze in a third category in between. I don't want to get squished and my mother is obese. So now you have to say whether a women has to be like my mother or whether I can try for someone who is not like my mother. I put my height and weight in my profile. I could delete it. You are putting the blame for not finding anybody on me and whatever i do isn't good enough, while women don't have todo anything, just sit back and smile as they supposedly delete 200 incoming messages they get in one day.

 

Another thing, I pay 4.99 a month to use okcupid and I was on match.com for 3 months and it didn't work. Earlier I had to put on the pretense I was Jewish in order to avoid feeling too guilty and I was on Jdate.com and an orthodox site called jretromatch.com.  I was planning to put on the pretense I was one of them so they would accept me as one of them and so I wouldn't feel too guilty. So I've been free to find any girl who is un-religious enough since August 2010 or since I was 27 and 1/4 years old.  From okcupid I got a girl who said she does wicca to agree to meet me at an art museum but then she forgot to come and then I got her on the phone 25 minutes after we were supposed to meet and convinced her to come anyway. She was glad to have me call her sometimes but she sounded distracted while on the phone and she was over 2x my weight and was several inches taller than I am and I couldn't get her to promise to let us make plans for a specific time and then follow through with our plans at the specific time we agreed on. So I've never been in any other relationship where I've seen a girl in person.

Life isn't fair. You can either deal with reality or continue to use an ineffective strategy designed for your dream world.

Fat people get lonely and horny too and euphemisms are how fat people mate without vomiting, so instead of getting worked up about them, ignore them.

Seriously if you put anything on your profile about "no fat girls" or even "I like skinny girls" then skinny girls are going to see you as shallow and look elsewhere. Girls put requirements like that in their profiles because when they're getting 100 msgs/day they want something to help convince guys to self-screen before messaging them.

The goal of a guy's profile is completely different. Your profile should: 1. prove that you're not a creeper. 2. show that you're fun, funny, interesting, employed and otherwise worthy. Wait to qualify whether you want a girl until you can actually get one to talk to you. 

Take it from someone who's been on OkC off and on for years with varying levels of success: The only chics who will ever message YOU first are the ones that rightly think you're out of their league.

If you want a girl that's in your league, your best bet is to send hundreds of messages. Make a goal of 1 or 2 per day. Most won't get a response. Get over it. Move on.

If you want a real hottie that's out of your league, quit your job and become a fashion photographer. The chances of you meeting one of these girls online and having her actually give YOU a chance--even after the most amazing 4 sentence intro message in history--are near zero. If you want a hot girl you need to go where lots of them are and work up your game until they're no longer out of your league. 

No matter what you decide, it's going to be a lot of work. But if you want it bad enough, you'll stop complaining do it.

(Note of apology: I wrote this as much for me as for you. Good luck. Try to have fun.)





Girls put requirements like that in their profiles because when they're getting 100 msgs/day they want something to help convince guys to self-screen before messaging them.

As futile as it ends up being.  :-D

... or maybe because I'm not as fat as them ...

You said it right there.  I'm not referring only to when you're referring to a woman's weight.  It's in a great deal of what you say.  It sometimes seems like you use the most offensive terms possible to describe anything.  What I'm saying is that even if you specifically stay away from weight, you're probably slipping in something in another area, which is equally offensive and drives them away.

 

There's really only two categories, fat and skinny. If you really want you could try to squeeze in a third category in between.

Really ...

What would you call a body builder?

Also, there really is a 'curvy' category, even if overweight women tend to abuse it.  My girlfriend has very full hips and a large bust, yet she's is great shape and goes on 50 mile hikes, often, on weekends.  She really is 'big boned'.  She's sure as hell not skinny, but she doesn't have a lot of body fat, aside from her breasts.

 

You are putting the blame for not finding anybody on me and whatever i do isn't good enough, while women don't have todo anything, just sit back and smile as they supposedly delete 200 incoming messages they get in one day.

Go through an attractive, female friend's inbox with her, sometime.  I'm not exaggerating.  You would not believe all of the goobers who come out of the woodwork trying to pick her up.

 

I've explained elsewhere why Match.com is fucking useless.  At least 95% of the women you sent messages to on that probably didn't even have a paid account and couldn't read your messages.  I'm not surprised you got no responses on there.

I've had a few dates, in the past, from women on Match.com.  Nothing ever went anywhere serious, though.  I never got even the slightest hint that most of the women on Match.com ever got my messages.  I only ever heard anything out of the women I went on dates with.

Paying for an OKCupid account doesn't help you any, when you're sending messages out.  It'll pull you up to the top of search results, so women will be more likely to see your profile in their searches.  But, as I already explained, women don't search as often as men, so it's more benefit for them than us.

Paying for okcupid makes it so you can look at profiles but not show up in peoples visitor lists, so you can see whether someone logged into the site but didn't reply, and you don't get the advertisements.

 

"Curvy" and "big bonned" are not categories. They are just silly euphemisms. Descriptions that are dry, frank, unhumorous whole sentences work best. To say, "what do you call a girl who is a body builder" makes no sense. You already have your term, body builder, or "a girl who has big muscles."  "Curvy" is too stupid or silly. I might not care about this in the future or if a girl talks to me enough even after I ask about her weight then I might pay not attention to it just to have come kind of companionship...

 

If, for example, a woman has large hips and smaller torso, then right there you have your description and any shorter description is just imaturely silly. If she has big muscles, then thats your description. You clearly know how to describe women, so there's no reason to substitute silly euphemisms.

 

Women are not even honest on okcupid. If they were honest, then they would at least say, "I got 80 messages today and I have to delete them all without looking at them and I want to keep open the possibility that I will reply to you in the future or avoid having to ever say anything to you but as a matter of principle I have to ignore your mesage and never contact you and you are never supposed to contact me again."

 

You are forgetting one important detail, my mother is obese.

Paying for okcupid makes it so you can look at profiles but not show up in peoples visitor lists, so you can see whether someone logged into the site but didn't reply, and you don't get the advertisements.

Okay, yeah, I'm sure that paying for an account causes a few other random little tweaks to your website experience.  Focus here.  Anything that doesn't improve your chances of making contact with someone is irrelevant.  Being able to e-stalk them is not going to help.

 

"Curvy" and "big bonned" are not categories. They are just silly euphemisms. Descriptions that are dry, frank, unhumorous whole sentences work best.

The hell they're not.  You can make a category with any sufficiently descriptive label.  Trying to shove everyone into two simplistically-labeled groups doesn't help matters much.  Body-type is a multidimensional spectrum, not an on/off switch.

The word 'skinny' does not apply to women with full hips and thighs.  It also has a negative connotation.

 

To say, "what do you call a girl who is a body builder" makes no sense. You already have your term, body builder, or "a girl who has big muscles."

You said that everyone fits into one of two categories.  I gave you an example that doesn't fit into either.  It's really simple, man.

 

If, for example, a woman has large hips and smaller torso, then right there you have your description and any shorter description is just imaturely silly. If she has big muscles, then thats your description. You clearly know how to describe women, so there's no reason to substitute silly euphemisms.

And in the 'Description' section of her profile, a woman is free to go into detail.  That makes it more or less impossible to search within certain parameters, though.  Sorting engines do poorly with poetic description.

For category searches, you need a limited number of descriptive, predefined categories.  About 6 to 10 is a good number for most spectrum-based categories.

 

Women are not even honest on okcupid. If they were honest, then they would at least say, "I got 80 messages today and I have to delete them all without looking at them and I want to keep open the possibility that I will reply to you in the future or avoid having to ever say anything to you but as a matter of principle I have to ignore your mesage and never contact you and you are never supposed to contact me again."

Men are also often dishonest.  What's your point?

Do you really expect a woman to write back to every one of those guys that she isn't even vaguely interested in?  Even if she writes a form message that she sends to everyone she isn't interested in talking to, she'll be increasing her workload.  15% or 20% of those guys who receive the generic message will take it as encouragement and write back asking why not.  She'll then have to ignore them at that point, which will fill up her inbox with many more messages from each of the rejects, as they'll be prompted to write multiple messages, once receiving any kind of recognition.

Far better to just not respond in the first place.

 

You are forgetting one important detail, my mother is obese.

No, I just don't give a fuck.  I don't have mother-issues.

I wouldn't make too much of it.  I read on BikerKiss the other day that successful members (whatever that means) send about ten emails per day.  Don't where they find the time.  We men tend to be very visual, so I expect most men respond primarily to photos and some probably don't read the profiles too carefully.  I do because I'm looking for a partner rather than a hook-up, though in all honesty the photo is what catches my attention.  I don't contact anyone who is "serious" or "somewhat serious" about her religion or who mentions God, Jesus, or the Lord in her profile text.

 

 I was having a great time at okcupid. I wrote a not so sane but a very exposing profile that was meant to scare away the hoards and only attract someone that could read between the lines. No one in he first 3 1/2 months contacted me first, but I had dozens of interesting and sometimes extended chats. Almost everyone that I sincerely complimented was willing to at least chat. Then someone did contact me and life is wonderful. We were a 30% match at okcupid. She is a bit religious but it doesn't matter. The point being don't try to make yourself appear to be better than you are, maybe even express your weaknesses. Mine was I have no armpit hair, a real deal breaker for a lot of women. At all times be as honest as possible, be patient, and don't make stupid rules that someone has to fit. Sounds like a lot of people here are shooting themselves in the foot by demanding perfection. 

Mine was I have no armpit hair, a real deal breaker for a lot of women.

*blink*  Really?  I've never heard that one before.  It hasn't been an issue, since I'm particularly gifted in the body-hair department.

Seriously I don't and that is what they said. Then again it may have been describing myself as an existentialist, Buddha influenced, minimalist, atheist and schizotypal. Or because I listed "likes to climb trees" as a bonus. Don't really care, the girl friend is a psychiatrist and crazy is ok with her!
Forgot and vegetarian.

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