Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael on November 11, 2010 at 5:16pm

Pleasantly surprised? I hope so. We parted on relatively good terms, and I have fond memories of her. I guess I'm a tiny bit afraid of not letting sleeping dogs lie, of finding out something I wouldn't like to know, like maybe that she's had a miserable life. That would really bum me out.

Permalink Reply by Susanne Elmer on November 11, 2010 at 7:12am

I would agree with contacting her :) I have reconnected with many old classmates in the last few years and it has been great to talk with them and know they are curious about my life as well.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on November 11, 2010 at 10:25am

Depends which one it was. I've dated a few real psychos. If you're not one of those sorts, go for it.

Permalink Reply by FernWalker on November 11, 2010 at 11:25am

I'd say go for it. I've had a few ex-boyfriends contact me and I've contacted another myself. One of them is now an internet friend, the rest were just "hi, how you doin' ", then moving on.

Permalink Reply by Fred W. Hill on November 11, 2010 at 12:29pm

My situation is somewhat similar but with its own unique twists and I actually have recently gotten in touch with a woman I last saw over 30 years ago. We met during our sophomore year in high school, both Navy brats living in a small town in central California. I was so terribly introverted in high school that I never dated and didn't even have any close friends of either sex. During my sophomore year, I developed a deep infatuation for a girl named Donna who I met in P.E. class. We only had that one class together over the next three years, but we'd periodically see each other around the campus and she was always friendly towards me, once even stopping to give me a ride while her mother was giving her driving lessons. The last time I saw her was when she signed my year book on our last day of high school in June 1980. My feelings for her were intense but I could never overcome my social anxiety enough to try to get to know her better, to become actual friends rather than just acquaintances. Shortly after we graduated, I finally did work up the nerve to try to call her (she had a relatively unusual name and we lived in a fairly small town, albeit with a large Navy base and we were both Navy brats). Naturally, the number was inactive -- her family had moved.
During the decades since then, I've mostly overcome my social anxiety and even gone out regularly with a few women, but never been in a serious, lasting relationship, nevermind gotten married. Anyhow, a few years ago, after I'd moved from California to Florida, I became good friends with a guy I met in the local freethought group who went to that very same school, only 10 years earlier. He sent me a link to a high school reunion site, and while I had no plans to attend any reunions I checked it out anyhow and just for the heck of it, I looked up the name of that girl I'd had such a massive crush on so long ago. And lo and behold it came up. Of course, her last name had changed but it was her.
Now I knew the chances that we'd hook up was remote and I wasn't even sure she'd remember me, but I went ahead and sent a message to her. A few days later I got a response -- she actually did remember and was wrote that she was glad to hear from me! She lives in Maryland, is happily married, with two adult sons, one in the Marines, the other in college. Ok, romance is ruled out, but still we've been exchanging emails regularly for about a year now, becoming better acquainted as long-distance cyber-friends than we ever did when we saw each other in our school days. After the first few months, I did confess to her about my crush on her and she humorously responded that she should have grabbed and taken me over to the "dark side" -- she was quite the party girl back in those days.
I can't help but wish I hadn't been so shy back then, realizing there's no point in dwelling on what's past and can't be changed. However, I'm glad to have gotten to know the real Donna, even if we never see each other in the flesh again.

Permalink Reply by LauraP on November 14, 2010 at 10:13am

Oh yeah, go for it. I have reconnected with many old friends and boyfriends via facebook.

I do suggest e-mail as opposed to phone call (if possible) since that will give her time to remember more about you.

Permalink Reply by Michael on November 14, 2010 at 3:37pm

Regrettably, I've been unable to find an e-mail address for her, so the only options are a phone call or a postal letter. I'm thinking a letter might be preferable, for the exact reason you state.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on November 15, 2010 at 11:17am

But then you're sending the message, "I know where you live." Could be considered creepy.

Permalink Reply by Michael on November 15, 2010 at 12:51pm

If you don't want people knowing where you live, then putting your home address in the phone book and at the top your Web page is a pretty poor idea. [That's how I found it.]

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on November 15, 2010 at 12:52pm

Wow, she has her home address on her web page? Wacky. Eh, then go for it, sure.

Permalink Reply by Michael on November 15, 2010 at 1:08pm

Wacky? No, it's more just that she isn't paranoid. Anyone who allows their address to be included in public records (phone books, property records) obviously has no need to worry about being found. And that's actually most people. Heck, my address isn't a secret, either.

Permalink Reply by Wiley Coyote on November 30, 2010 at 1:24pm

Go for it, but I'd recommend an email instead of a phone call, it'll let he respond at her own leisure and not be forced into a conversation.