Has anyone ever had any luck finding long-term friends or lovers from online personals? I made one good friend through a newspaper ad years ago, and we were good friends for about 7 years. Other than that, I find them pretty disappointing. I don't use the sex ones, just the platonic ones, but people are often not what they say they are, or they're pretty boring. What has been your experience?

Tags: dating, friendship, online personals

Views: 53

Replies to This Discussion

PoF?
sorry "Plenty of Fish"
This was just published online today and deals with research into how to do well at online dating, so thought I'd post the article here, to help everyone do better at dating online!

4 Myths of Online Dating Photos Revealed
http://www.livescience.com/culture/online-dating-myths-100212.html
Thanks Eric. I'll check this out soon. : )
That is an article that is a part of cupids blog. The blog they do on the stats is one of the things I find helpful. It let me know that what I experience is normal.Its blog.okcupid.com

I met one of my best friends on Yahoo matches a couple years back. Through the years I tried a few. Now that I am finding the free ones I am like them better than pay. Mostly because I think there are a lot of people. I also think that eharmony matching is a sham. I think they do it to make it look like there are more people on the site than there are, and the one match I did meet, Completely not my type.

The point I wanted to make was that for most suburban people it like hitting a singles bar. If you expect to go and find the one the first night your kidding yourself it takes time and keep in mind at any one time there are only a few actual matches, even though the site shows you a ton.
I also think that eharmony matching is a sham. I think they do it to make it look like there are more people on the site than there are...

I think they do that, too. And I've noticed that they don't delete closed accounts. I've closed some and my profile still shows up. I think most are nothing more than companies preying on lonely people.
@Dallas Gaytheist - What do you mean, "I don't use the sex ones, just the platonic ones"? Do you mean you use websites for seeking friends rather than dates, such as FriendFinder? You may be the very first person I have ever met who uses these websites to find friends, rather than for dating. If you're looking for friends via online, you should give Meetup.com a try.
What do you mean, "I don't use the sex ones, just the platonic ones"?

I mean the ones on Craigslist for just sexual hookups. I'm always looking for a date! : )
I've had both good and bad experiences with meeting folks online whom I later met face to face.

One problem here is that there is a built-in bias to our memory - we are far better at immediate recall when it comes to recalling negative events than positive events. Plus, there is a built-in bias in our culture to focus on negative events in the media and that affects us unconsciously too. The passing of time can help to take the edge off those memories.

I see nothing inherently good or bad about such websites. Whether you choose to see them as good or bad, you're right. I would encourage you to keep trying, and you'll get better over time as you see what works or doesn't. Persistence helps here. Sand is easy to find, it's the diamonds that take more work to find.

For platonic friendships, here's an idea - go to groups posted on Meetup.com. The best way to make friends is to do things with them, and on Meetup.com you'll find groups for sports, outdoor activities, in fact all kinds of groups. I think Meetup.com takes the step of meeting people one step further, you can relax more about what you're saying in your profile, and everybody's focused on an activity and not focused on themselves, which makes it a lot easier to meet each other actually because that way everyone is much less self-conscious and therefore more relaxed about themselves and thus you'll see people as they really are, just being themselves.

I did find another website that seemed modeled on Facebook but was focused entirely on all kinds of sports. Sorry I didn't bother to save the name of that website. I was looking online for adult kickball leagues in my state at the time, and that's how I will be able to find that website easily if I ever want to in the future.

If you know of other groups online similar to Meetup.com or the sports-only website that I mention, I would be very interested in hearing about them.
I actually do attend some MeetUps, and go to some political stuff, but still haven't made any friends. : [

I talk to the people there, and we're all friendly, especially the atheist groups, but no on ever exchanges personal information it seems. The gay groups are moderately friendly, but not warm friendly. The bi group I went to was very friendly.
Maybe the real question here isn't groups like Meetup.com or online personals, but rather how to get from moderately friendly to warm friendly. I'd love to discuss what those ideas might be here, if you and anyone else is willing.
Eric, I am not opposed to that, but I might suggest you start a new thread. Right now though I may not be able to participate much. Terribly busy still with work. I'm no some, but can't give a huge amount of attention to anything at present.

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