Online Dating - Share your horrors...or success

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Philip Jackson Armstrong on February 2, 2011 at 6:14am

I truly apologize for this. I really have to stop drinking and typing at the same time.  It's just too many people live their lives unhappily because reality never reached their expectations. It just sounds like that's where a few people here are heading. It makes me sad. Hopefully this embarrassing moment will keep me from trying to give advise, because I always seem to fail when I do anyway, in one way or another.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on February 2, 2011 at 4:55pm

No worries.  That's why I don't drink.  You should see me when I have a good buzz.  If you think I'm talkative and annoying now ...

 

I don't know that I would say there are a few people heading the way of ridiculous expectations ... just one of us.  Like I said, we're working on him.  The alcohol just seems to have made you a little unfocused in your commentary.

Permalink Reply by Craigart14 on February 2, 2011 at 9:07am

I was married 13 years and tried very hard to keep it together despite my ex's mercurial temper and frequent psychological abuse.  When I finally called it quits, I discovered she had a rare mental illness that most likely caused her erratic behavior.  After 13 years apart, she still calls me 30 times per month to scream at me.  I'm not being fussy; I'm being careful.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on February 2, 2011 at 4:52pm

Uhh, wow.  Time to change your phone number?  Or do you have kids, for which you need to maintain contact?  Edit:  Oh, I see two daughters, who are well out of the house.  Why do you maintain contact, then?

 

What sort of mental illness does that to someone?  Some sort of mania?

Permalink Reply by Craigart14 on February 4, 2011 at 7:20am

I have changed my number a few times, but she worms it out of people.  Generally I just ignore her calls.  She has borderline personality disorder.  Borderlines tend to lose their tempers over little things, but often let bigger issues slide.  They "split" people into all good or all bad, but sooner or later the good screw up and get lumped in with the bad.  They can be very charming to outsiders, but vicious with family, who become a sort of "buffer zone" between them and the real world.  There are, IIRC, eight symptoms, and anyone who chronically exhibits five is considered diagnosable.  My ex had at least six; a couple I couldn't be sure of.  If people are wondering why anyone would marry such a nut, well, when you're split into "good," nothing is too good for you, and the borderline behavior was hidden from me for nearly three years.  Once split into the "bad" group, you can't get out.  The author of The Psychopathic God concluded that his subject, Adolph Hitler, had the same disorder.  If you know anyone who sounds like this, Google it.  There is a support group out there, but I can't remember the name.

 

Oh, and I don't maintain contact.  She does.  Our younger daughter is a college sophomore, so there's financial stuff that has to be worked out.  I'm told she has a boyfriend now, so he's probably getting all her attention now.  He should enjoy the positive phase while it lasts; he's got two years at most before she turns on him.

 

Be careful out there.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on February 4, 2011 at 1:54am

Horrors:

-a hick who decided that okcupid was the place to tell me that he knew there was no proof for evolution, and was attempting to discredit me based on my fatness and my femaleness. I sic'ed my friends on him, and his profile is now deleted. He had a little spiel at the start of the profile was "NO FATTIES, I don't care if it's because you had a kid, I don't care it's because you have a thyroid problem, I don't care if you can't say no to the banana pudding, fatties can fucking go away." He then went on to wax poetic about how awesome his truck was. It was horrific.

-a dude who told me that if I sexed him, he'd sex me right.

-dudes who get upset that I don't reply to them.

-a dude who got upset that I had "too high of standards" because I wanted someone who was at least mildly educated and had the same interests as me.

-a guy who was all "you seem intelligent enough, let's talk!" and then complained in the second message that I "didn't give him a big enough opening in the conversation for it to continue."

-one guy, I actually became friends with in real life, but is....beyond socially inept, into socially disastrous, he turned me down after I asked him out, then asked me to dinner that same night. FAIL.

-A southern baptist who could barely spell or use proper grammar who was really interested in getting to know me, but reading his message hurt my BRAIN.

 

I'm on okcupid and PlentyOfFish, both are meh, but I have used OKcupid to find female friends before--which is probably a better use for it.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on February 4, 2011 at 12:24pm

• -a guy who was all "you seem intelligent enough, let's talk!" and then complained in the second message that I "didn't give him a big enough opening in the conversation for it to continue."

... didn't give him ...

 

Wait, what?  What does that even mean?  'Splain please, Lucy.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on February 4, 2011 at 5:58pm

So he writes me, and in his message, includes "nice to see someone else on here looking for long term(I was also looking for friends, and pen pals), and compliments me on my nerdy tastes, then goes "why not video games, though?" as I don't really play them and mention it in my profile.

I reply with the video games I do play and explain my picky-ness when it comes to choosing them--I prefer PC games, and games that are unique. I ask him what sort of nerdy things he's into.

He replies with, "that's very good and well and all, but you didn't leave me an opening in the conversation, and thus, this message."

 

Harumph.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on February 4, 2011 at 8:14pm

Heh, I still don't get what the heck he's talking about.  Surely he could have found something to expound upon, from that.  If he sucks that badly at conversing, then he's not particularly worth talking to, is he?

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on February 4, 2011 at 11:03pm

Yeah, obviously, it's just a really STUPID way to say that he either doesn't want to talk to me or is crappy at conversation.

And also, it's totally MY FAULT that he couldn't converse like a normal human.

Permalink Reply by Dan on February 5, 2011 at 6:29pm

I can't say I have had horrors from online dating but there does seem to be a disconnect between reality and how people perceive themselves.

Be it how they look, as pictures never seem to match up to the person when you actually meet.

They aren't the fun happy person as they describe or they don't actually like the things they like.

 

And yet, I keep hoping I will find the one compatible woman.

Permalink Reply by Scott on February 5, 2011 at 7:06pm

I don't know about anyone else, but I only put up flattering pictures of myself. It seem counter productive to put up something that would deter people from wanting me.

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