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My main problem: finding atheist men who I can connect with!

Hi everyone,

Not to sound too conceited or anything, but my problem isn't necessarily finding dates/men.. but actually finding men who are not scared of my intelligence! Just being an atheist means you are dramatically more intelligent than the average joe. I would argue that this is mostly because of all the careful study and research a lot of us do to finally come to that conclusion. Also, being an atheist means that you have the intellectual capacity to realize that the universe wasn't made for just you. Wow! That seems to take an extreme amount of reason...

I am 23, but I still feel the overwhelming pressures of sexism ... to let the man wear the pants. I was in a great relationship from 19-21 where it was completely egalitarian and respecting. However, the ones since then, and it seems those types that I am attracted to, are very intimidated by me being an intelligent/educated woman. It's the whole, "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen" mentality it seems. I don't see gender roles as evil, but I do see it as evil when men basically want you to be their slave..... :(. ugh.

Anyways, I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to meet people who are more on my wave length. Fellow humanists/atheists it would appear. My last relationship was a quick one, with an ex-jehovah's witness! Oh man, the mental scarring that man faced was just downright sad. Anyway, that didn't work out mainly because of how nutty that JW cult is! Since that, I have realized I must not settle for a "glazed eyed" drug addict. And by the word drug I mean religion. However, a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward. Why is that?

Anyway, does anyone face the same problem as me?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Robert M. Reed on July 18, 2010 at 7:13pm

Sorry, I got called into work and have been there ever since... ill get back to you when I can.

Permalink Reply by Jerome on July 18, 2010 at 9:13am

Anna it's hard to find atheist no matter where you are but you already knew that or you wouldn't be here. I am having trouble here in Indianapolis but being a 29 yr old black atheist who never wants kids is probably not making it any easier. I'm not really sure why your having trouble meeting fun atheist men, we're everywhere! I think that the answer to your question on social awkwardness is this: It takes a certain level of intelligence and a fine tuned bullshit meter to be an atheist. With that intelligence comes the realization that we are all screwed in the end and by screwed I mean this is all we have and once we're gone that's it. Damn, I really wanted those streets of gold. So coupled with that and society being full of religion and the religious along with the "god bless you" and Christmas carol's they(younger atheist) stay inside and keep human contact to a minimum. That's just a guess though I could be wrong but Christmas carol's bug the shit out of me.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 8, 2010 at 9:06am

but being a 29 yr old black atheist who never wants kids is probably not making it any easier.

Holy crap, man. Yeah, you're screwed ... or not, as the case may be. :-D

Permalink Reply by Anna on July 18, 2010 at 8:36pm

Haha yes! So true Marileigh. Good thing though, not all men are like that. However, most are though. Atheists are some of the most accepting, egalitarian people there are. That's why dating an atheist is a must.

Permalink Reply by Danny Caballero on July 21, 2010 at 3:07pm

Do you really think that just being an atheist makes you smarter than those who are religious? If so you are clearly mistaken. And don't get me wrong I'm an atheist, as well. I don't like dating men who aren't religious because that just creates a conflict between us.

I don't, however, think that just being an atheist makes me absolutely smarter than everybody who isn't. You are being way too arrogant and condescending. I've met people who are extremely smart and well read; educated and polite; with manners and an open mind who just so happen to believe in a God.

And honestly how does that 'intimidated by my intelligence' thing work? I've never been told by a guy that they are intimidated by my intelligence, nor have I ever, EVER heard a man or a woman state that. I've never felt that way either, even when dealing with people I considered my intellectual superiors. I am honestly curious.

Permalink Reply by Ken Westervelt on July 27, 2010 at 5:19pm

I absolutely second this statement.

Permalink Reply by Apeman Jim on July 21, 2010 at 4:33pm

You need to get away from Utah, for starters. I would think that trying to find a rational man in that state is like looking for a fishing hole, on a summer day, in the Mojave. Go fishing elsewhere.

What do you mean by: "...a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward." A few examples might help.

Being rational in our society automatically makes you a sort of social pariah. Remember, males do not get the social lateral movement women are allowed, because if a woman is attractive, many men will tolerate just about any level of irritation and stupidity for a period of time in hopes of... enjoying her company. Too many women take this for granted. A man "living on the outside" is generally precluded from developing certain social charms.

Date a demagogue. They may be phony, but they are rarely boring and very social by nature. You can almost always count on them to tell you what you want to hear. : )

Permalink Reply by BLK-Sagan on July 22, 2010 at 5:18pm

Well Said.

Permalink Reply by Ranx on July 22, 2010 at 11:28am

i am too smart and too good looking for most people, and i am better than them....i don't mean that to sound too conceited......it doesn't, does it? no?, good! cuz it's true.

P.S. nothing in this post is true, except that I am totally awesome!

Permalink Reply by sunshinegirlie on September 29, 2010 at 5:47pm

...and hilarious!

Permalink Reply by Demopoly on July 25, 2010 at 2:46am

I have to admit I am having a really hard time taking this posting seriously. I agree with the others that you need to look in better places if those are the men you're meeting. There are a LOT of red flags in this post that make me hesitate to even reply...

However, assuming you're serious, and unaware of stereotypes that are ANTI male, I think the following advice applies.

1. Men aren't all one thing or another. Fighting isn't all we do.
2. Lots of men want kids. Lots of men don't. The reasoning has nothing to do with maleness.
3. Awkwardness? This one is vague, but perhaps the situations themselves are awkward and you just don't see it as such. I can't really respond to that without clarity.
4. If you're very rich, or very pretty, anyone male or female is going to be attracted, and repelled, and some of those people may react for the wrong reasons or due to stereotypes. It is a fact of life that success or wellness is attractive.
5. I work with a lot of people, and I haven't heard 'wear the pants' in YEARS. Most men seem quite happy with women contributing to the lifestyle, the family, etc. I know I like it!
6. I don't see it as being harder to date as an atheist, I find that it's much easier. I guess I haven't had the problems that some people here are experiencing. It's a great filter!

Good Luck!

Permalink Reply by Matt on August 8, 2010 at 8:52am

I think you're right. You need to raise your standards... The only advice I can give is to take some time to not think about relationships. Think about what else will make you happy. If you can be happy or comfortable being alone, then you can take your time and really find someone that suits you. I've been single for a while and Ive done whatever I want, it's pretty nice haha. Still haven't found anyone close to what I want in a relationship but that's fine lol