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My main problem: finding atheist men who I can connect with!

Hi everyone,

Not to sound too conceited or anything, but my problem isn't necessarily finding dates/men.. but actually finding men who are not scared of my intelligence! Just being an atheist means you are dramatically more intelligent than the average joe. I would argue that this is mostly because of all the careful study and research a lot of us do to finally come to that conclusion. Also, being an atheist means that you have the intellectual capacity to realize that the universe wasn't made for just you. Wow! That seems to take an extreme amount of reason...

I am 23, but I still feel the overwhelming pressures of sexism ... to let the man wear the pants. I was in a great relationship from 19-21 where it was completely egalitarian and respecting. However, the ones since then, and it seems those types that I am attracted to, are very intimidated by me being an intelligent/educated woman. It's the whole, "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen" mentality it seems. I don't see gender roles as evil, but I do see it as evil when men basically want you to be their slave..... :(. ugh.

Anyways, I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to meet people who are more on my wave length. Fellow humanists/atheists it would appear. My last relationship was a quick one, with an ex-jehovah's witness! Oh man, the mental scarring that man faced was just downright sad. Anyway, that didn't work out mainly because of how nutty that JW cult is! Since that, I have realized I must not settle for a "glazed eyed" drug addict. And by the word drug I mean religion. However, a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward. Why is that?

Anyway, does anyone face the same problem as me?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on May 21, 2011 at 4:53pm

Yeah, I run into the same problem with dating a seriously Christian girl ... never mind a Catholic. After any discussion about morality for which she referenced the Bible, I'd be laughing. Could I really respect her as much as someone who completely disagreed with me but had thought through the problem on her own? No, probably not really.

Permalink Reply by Carlos Rodgers on May 28, 2011 at 9:27pm

I feel the same way as well. It's impossible in my area to find another atheist woman or at least someone agnostic with intelligence.

Permalink Reply by John on May 29, 2011 at 10:18pm

What is it that you WANT from an atheist male (besides an intellectual equivalent, and a tantalizing conversationalist, and someone who does not drag their knuckles)?

Permalink Reply by Tony Lester on May 30, 2011 at 4:45pm

LOL, Religion just adds one more layer of BS to break through if people aren't honest with themselves or others. There is someone for everyone out there, it just takes a long time to find the right person. Keep hanging in there and you will find the right person. FYI, I have lots of friends that both they and I know we won't go passed first base because of our religious differences or other differences that is just the way it is.

Permalink Reply by Daniel Medina on June 2, 2011 at 9:36pm

Speaking from the Latino perspective, one comes to expect meeting women with ridiculous mindsets. All I can do is shake my head. Good luck to you in your search for a "sober" man.

Daniel

Permalink Reply by Tom M. on June 6, 2011 at 7:56am

It is interesting that you take particular note of social awkwardness. I was always under the impression that atheists (men and women) are rather outgoing with social acumen. I kind of feel that is how they were able to break the spell and not become sheep themselves.

Permalink Reply by Brian Forsythe on July 23, 2011 at 2:35pm

At the risk of sounding like I'm patting myself on the back, I'm a guy with complementary/similar problems.

Re sexism, I don't always wanna "wear the pants" and find that many women are every bit as sexist as men, having fully embraced stereotypical gender roles, inside and outside of the bedroom, even those who try to be or would like to think of themselves as liberated. Of course, they are largely casualties of societal pressures/conditioning. On the other side of the coin are those who struggle against this so fiercely that they confuse independence with being noncommittal, thinking they can't be independent and in a relationship.

Re intelligence, seems to me there are two camps of atheists (in general, not just women). The first are the f***off camp, who seem to be just generally anti-everything, usually identifying politically as libertarians, having a visceral reaction to authority in general. To put it nicely, these are not generally girls with whom I can debate philosophy.

The second camp, the freethinking/skeptical contingent have come to their godfree state through a rational growth process and these I find damned sexy. Problem is, I think I intimidate some women who identify as intelligent, perhaps (and this is speculative on my part) because they're not accustomed to dating men who challenge them intellectually and find this unsettling, since they can't adopt the familiar role of the "smart one" in the relationship. I fear this sounds arrogant, but I can imagine feeling some insecurity if I met someone who I discovered may be "smarter" (whatever that means) than me.

EDIT: Woah, just looked at your profile and saw that you're in UT. Poor thing. Best of luck. Is moving an option? ;)

Permalink Reply by Nader Khouzam on August 10, 2011 at 8:48pm

I have been searching for an intelligent atheist woman for years. I am a young college professor. I teach physics and astronomy.

Visit my web page.

take care,

Nader

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on August 18, 2011 at 8:13pm

At the risk of sounding like a total twat, if most freethinker men could connect with women, they probably wouldn't be freethinkers. It's largely a community of outsiders.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 20, 2011 at 1:16am

A good potion of us, yes. Some of us manage.

Permalink Reply by Katie Ranting Redhead Smith on August 30, 2011 at 2:31pm

Don't worry, there are plenty of atheist men out there who think they're the smartest thing on earth and wouldn't be afraid. The problem is most of them are hideous douchebags inside and out. And trust me, the are sexists galore in the atheist community and they try to hide behind science to justify it. I don't think your odds of connecting with an atheist guy are any different than with a theist guy.

Permalink Reply by Brian Forsythe on August 30, 2011 at 3:10pm

speaking of sexist... lol