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Is sex team work?

Think of all the things necessary to have sex possible. It is too much to think of isn't it? So are we working as a team to make sure we are all having a great sex life, haha. I don't know. What could we do better to help each other out? As an Athiest Single member I am part of the team, so to speak, but what role are we all playing? Lots of questions here so if you have any input to what role we play in each others successful sex life I'd like to hear it. Thanks.

Tags: life, sex

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on March 13, 2011 at 2:52pm

The explanations for why I have never had sex in my life except for when I saw a professional escort is probably social phobia and scrupulosity. That said, like at least some other atheists, I would prefer that if I ever have a kid, that he/she not be brainwashed into a religion, if I have a son he must not be circumcised in any way (in Jewish culture, almost all boys undergo radical penile reduction surgery on their 8th day), and I would probably want to tell them why I don't believe in or do any of the Judaism I was taught. That said, on dating websites, I often see women's profiles where they include things like, "don't reply if you are just looking for sex." So my impression is that women only desire to have sex rarely, because (this reasoning is only subconscious) they can only have a few offspring, while men need sex frequently because (again, this is only subconscious) they can technically have many more offspring. And then there is the scrupulosity or religious based morality that I assume makes otherwise decent, respectable women think sex is dirty or gross or perverted or something you can only do after you are married or something that should not exist but which is a necessary evil done only a few times in your life just to reproduce. I'm always ready to quit my involuntary celibacy, so its going to be mostly whether the woman I meet is willing.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 13, 2011 at 7:06pm

That said, on dating websites, I often see women's profiles where they include things like, "don't reply if you are just looking for sex." So my impression is that women only desire to have sex rarely, because (this reasoning is only subconscious) they can only have a few offspring, while men need sex frequently because (again, this is only subconscious) they can technically have many more offspring.

That's quite likely not true. You're missing the important indicator "... if you are just looking for sex." A lot of women are very sexual creatures, too. After we started dating, my girlfriend jumped me, before I was ever going to explore the issue.

The difference is that many men are out looking for some girl to screw and then toss. For that matter, there seems to be a problem with married men on personals sites looking for women to cheat with. Women who put that sort of thing you're talking about into their profile are just trying to warn off those sorts of men. If you're reading any more into those kinds of statements, then you're reading something that's not there.

What that statement says to me is that the woman is looking for a relationship that means something and has the potential to go somewhere. She very well could be looking for all kinds of sex, within that relationship.

You'll just have to date a girl and see how she feels about sex. I strongly advise against asking about sex before you even meet her, though. This will set off all sorts of warning flags that you're exactly the sort that the statement above is supposed to be warning off.

And then there is the scrupulosity or religious based morality that I assume makes otherwise decent, respectable women think sex is dirty or gross or perverted or something you can only do after you are married or something that should not exist but which is a necessary evil done only a few times in your life just to reproduce.

That's also not necessarily true. A lot of religious girls are very sexual. Why do you think there are so many religious, teen mothers? They're not all pushed into sex by their boyfriends. A lot of girls get turned on by the idea that it's wicked and sinful.

Yes, some women get traumatized by their religion and become disgusted by sex, but I think they're in the vast minority.

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on March 13, 2011 at 8:45pm

I find that hard to believe. No women ever contact me. Only one did, in december 2010, and then she gave up because I wanted her to send me a picture showing her whole profile an dnot just her face. I never wanted to just have sex and then toss a girl Maybe women want to have sex and then give up on me immediately and are disappointed to see I want a long lasting relationship. I'm too serious and most women are the opposite of serious.

See my profile on okcupid. Search for venturahighway83 Thats a song by the band America, and 83 is the last 2 digits of my birth year.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 13, 2011 at 9:10pm

Considering that many people manage to get into relationships every day, you should take it as an indicator of something that you need to change, not something that's wrong with all of the women.

Maybe women want to have sex and then give up on me immediately and are disappointed to see I want a long lasting relationship. I'm too serious and most women are the opposite of serious.

I really doubt that. I really do.

I'll take a look at your profile later. I'm in the middle of some stuff, right now. I'll only be seeing half of the picture, though. If you're driving off these women in the conversation after initial contact, I can't necessarily see that from your profile.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 14, 2011 at 10:50am

You can just link someone http://www.okcupid.com/profile/venturahighway83 in the future. It's easier than messing about with the search feature.

Your wording is ... very off, in many places. It mirrors the way you talk about things on here, somewhat.

I'm healthy and not anorexic. Please return the favor and share your weight and a picture of you standing with your whole figure visible.

Saying you're not anorexic is bringing up a negative subject early. It doesn't matter that you're stating it in the negative; it will still create negative associations in the mind of the reader.

Asking a girl for her weight in numbers is just plain rude. It's a societal thing. You just have to live with it; ignore it and you'll suffer the results ... or lack of results, in this case. Just be happy with seeing a picture of the girl.

Politely never discuss any past relationships.

This comes across as demanding and ... short. I dunno. I don't know how women would respond to it, but it rubs me the wrong way.

The rest of the profile is just ... bad wording here and there, all the way down. You're focusing on the negative in most paragraphs. You mention circumcision right there in the profile. You really need to lose that.

Like I've said elsewhere, you really need to lighten up about the issue. Most of the women out there don't have any strong feelings about circumcision. They just think that's what you're supposed to do. You should have no problems convincing a girl that it shouldn't be done, since you have strong feelings about it. You're only harming your chances by bringing it up early in a relationship. You have to maximize your chances here.

Your third to last paragraph is a complete disaster. Don't mention that stuff. Your last paragraph is horribly worded. You're not afraid of smoke and non-stick cookware. You avoid them completely, because they're not healthy. Everything is about spin. You need to learn to phrase things in a way that makes people think positively about you. Everything you say is 'not accepting' or something 'must not' be a certain way.

Permalink Reply by Earther on March 14, 2011 at 3:31pm

Joe, I think after reading all of this it seems that my hypothesis is correct, sex is team work. :)

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 14, 2011 at 6:50pm

Don't ask, don't tell.

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on March 14, 2011 at 9:55pm

I revamped my profile. Its completely different now.

Permalink Reply by Earther on March 20, 2011 at 8:18pm

Remember this Michael, you cannot force a relationship.

Permalink Reply by Tonya Wynn on March 29, 2011 at 1:27pm

Micheal Pianko, I don't want you physically. But have to comment. If women say they don't JUST want sex, it is probably because many (not all, not my brothers, at least) men do just want a sexual relationship without any mutual respect or common ground or trust. I've heard many women complain that their mates don't want enough sex. I've heard decent looking women say this.

I agree with your disapproval of circumcision. Though, my dad, a doctor, says it helps keep bacteria/disease away.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 29, 2011 at 6:35pm