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International Dating ?! dose it work?

It was about 2 months ago that I fell in love with a girl who was working on her these in our center. At first everything was fine and I really loved her and I think she loved me back. She is not a real Muslim and she just believes in some kind of god or higher power which I could tolerate this without any problem. She hadn't any problem with atheism either. but after a month she refused to continue . the main reason was her traditional views about a shared life and marriage and …
Anyway my last breaking up proved it for me that my problem in dating is not just Islam and Muslims. It is also the culture, traditions and the way most girls think here(Iran). So it caused me to think again about dating internationally! It has another advantage for me too it can ease my immigration.
But I am not optimistic about it at all.
What do you think? Dose anybody have any experience?
Or even is there any suggestion ?!! ;)

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by ObscureAtheist on February 28, 2010 at 9:12am

First of all thanks for sharing your experience
you are completely right about the problems of distant dating but about moving i think only if the one who has better place has to move there is a loosing not vice versa, so at least in my case in this aspect nobody has to loose anything .

Permalink Reply by Eric Harris on March 1, 2010 at 8:38pm

@Niki & Obscure
I've been followiwing your convo and it seems that you. Niki, are a bit bitter about the way your relationship ended and is using the moving thing as an excuse not to look further/as far as neccessary for love or your too much in love with your city with not enough left over for your significant other. I must dissagree with the thing you said about dating. Yes in the pass dating was about the physical. But that can cause blind spots in your descisions. Internet dating/relationships ARE valid (and yes I'm saying this in bias) because to properly get to know someone you MUST learn to communicate first. Touching, kissing and sex is communication but in both male/female those vectors can cause premature decisions in a relationship w/o firm communication skills. (I know this thru much experience) You may never have left home if you'd made it clear to your S.O. how unhappy you were to do so.
And about long distance relationships/v-dating. In 2002 I met a young lady online from/in Zambia (i'm in USA) and we hit it off very well. She was religious but had no issues with my lack there of. (we had many convos on the subject) Now we chatted online virtually every day, phone calls/s-mail a few times a month, and a few cam chats. Thru all this we got very close and I asked her to marry me. She said yes and I started the process to make that happen. Now we BOTH was ok with either location for the ineveitable relocation. And the US was the initial point of living then back to Zambia after awhile. Now you wondering why it didn't work out? The US gov. No face to face meeting, no visa (for her). And unfortunately at the time I couldn't get a visa because of domestic issues to go to her. But we continued to converse (and still do occasionally) and now she is engaged to marry someone else. So yes, I believe if you have all your ducks in a row, you CAN have a successful international/long distance national/internet relationship. Just know the rules/laws for your country. Know the person your intending to hookup with and most importantantly know yourself/limitations.

Permalink Reply by ObscureAtheist on March 2, 2010 at 1:42am

First thank you for sharing your experience, But you could apply for Fiance visa in that case by considering you situation you could go to a third country and then collect some document which proved your face to face meeting like photo movies plane tickets and ... and that was enough! as you see even i have some information (and even little experience).
I agree with you that online dating has some benefits and can work well and personally have no problem with long distant dating at all. and i am ready for it but the thing which disappoints me is that most people don't think like me and don't like this kind of relationship! look at this "atheist single group" most people here are from US but most of them want to date in their city or at least in their state and it s difficult for them to date with some from another state.
so when i said i am not optimistic about it i meant statistically there is little chance.

Permalink Reply by Eric Harris on March 3, 2010 at 10:34pm

@ Obscure
Yes, I see what you mean, I thought of that, but the fiance' visa wasn't the real problem it was me not being able to get a passport/visa to visit her because of child support issues from a previous (and old) domestic relationship. A law here.
Sadly to say pretty much all my"dating" these days are done virtually (chat, e-mails and phone) and the women have not been local. Or atheist. (we're just to rare, especially African Americans women my age :( )
Now adays I'm chatting w/ladies who claim to be "not religious" or "spiritual" (w/no specific religion) They initially tend to be more opened minded/tolerant about what is is to be an atheist.
My current "friend" lives 2000 miles away, studies a number of self spiritual practices (some old pagan, Buddism, yogi, chi and a a few others). Much younger than I.
So, just keep some optimism in your search wether it's local to you, in country or internationally. Doubt/quitting will leave you empty handed and lonely. There will be 50 misses before you'l find a good possible and even then there's no garrantees there. Just like if she'd lived next door, statistically there is little chance. So create your own statistics.