I need help. Advice. Are there rules? What do I do? I haven't dated in about 4 years just because I didn't care and was focused on other things. Now I really want to date, but I forgot how!! I joined a couple of dating sites. One which I hate, and one that might be okay. . . Either way I am not a computer person and want to meet people in the real world, even if it all fails miserably! I just want to approach guys and tell them that they are taking me out. But I know this is too forward. But I am not the kind of girl to let my breasts hang out and act stupid either.. I try to make eye contact and smile- that's all I've got............

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Replies to This Discussion

Just do the things you like to do, be the person you want to be, and it should come to you. There is a certain amount of risk involved but I don't think there are set rules...
The best dating site is OKCupid.com. Read on flirting at http://www.sirc.org/publik/advanced_flirting.shtml
Too forward my ass! There is no "too forward". As long as there's actually some social fabric of interaction, rapport, and attraction between you and Mr. Male, the location of "too forward" is so far forward that you'll feel awkward doing something that's, in fact, too forward for a reason other than "it's too forward" should you reach such a point.

Okay, so you're not a total inside-your-head case, what with the looking and smiling. Next, use words, as "too obvious" as that is. Flirting is a subspecies of talking; it's playful and legitimately fun, so, as this is speaking and seems to be a common tactic, I recommend the "Hi." It initiates communication in words and is the slightest, most innocuous thing you could say, unoffensive and direct.
Listen, Anna, if you approached me and said, "You, me, Dinner, 6." I would be so incredibly turned on. Reason? I like aggressively assertive women. The rules to dating vary by individual. What works for some people won't work for others. When you're dating, you need to avoid hiding your personality, especially if you're looking for more than a single date.

I guess what I'm saying is, relax. People match up by compatibility, and if you're honest about who you are, you'll find a guy who compliments you nicely.
I never have and never do flirt or date. I've been told that some of the things I do approximate to courting, but I couldn't say. They rarely seem successful in any event. I would say be yourself, but that's never worked for me, so I'll just say good luck instead. :)
You can always hire a dating coach, such as at www.lookbetteronline.com. On Yahoo, there is a online dating advice page at http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/content.
Thanks for the advice. Is anyone willing to critique my plentyoffish profile? I know that its a free site, but it is better than eharmony. All of this online stuff is so strange to me. I said I would NEVER do it. . . But here I am. I would love feedback. I feel like I am intimidating or something?.?.Do I need different pictures? More or less information? You can go to plentyoffish.com ,then to search, then username, ilovemothernature If anyone is bored or interested thank you in advance. Please honestly critique me, but don't be mean:)
Did you want this critique to be public or private? I'd be glad to let you know what I think.

I'm not on plentyoffish, but I was easily able to see your ad from outside the website. In fact, I was surprised how much of your ad I could see given that I'm not even a plentyoffish member (I've been to other websites where I had to be a member first to even see any ad in the first place). I've been to this website once before to look up their recent research on the best wording for online ads, but I had never bothered to look at any of their ads until I looked at yours.

If you want this to be a private message, looks like we have to 'friend' first before I can send you a private message.
Hi Anna; just read your plenty of fish profile. I have to say there's very little to find objectionable about any off what you've written.

I've never done the dating thing myself, either online or in the real world, so you can take or leave what I'm about to say: -

1.) You're a very attractive woman but I don't think the lighting of your main profile photo flatters you, it's dark, with a lot of shadow and you appear to be looking up into the camera. Perhaps a little change of camera angle and a bit more light would help?

2.) Your "blurb" though perfectly reasonable is peppered with examples "don'ts" and "dislikes". Perhaps if you removed these examples and focused more on your likes as well as a broader spectrum of likes that might encompass those of the reader, you might have more luck?

It could be that these dislikes are discouraging guys in the early stages, when they might not pose any actual problem at all. If they do, then dating will ultimately make that clear.

It is an unfortunate fact that the dating game is a process of trial and error, you'll meet guys you won't like and guys you do. But at least you're working your way through to Mr. Right by playing the game.

Indeed the two main reasons I do not date is my over zealous honesty, which one must learn to rein in. You might not think so but your "dislikes" can very easily be misinterpretted as your "bad points", it's probably best to play them down, at least until you get to know each other better.

My second reason for not dating is rejection, which I don't cope with well; but you seem well prepared for this as you are eager to meet people and do the whole dating process. It'll take time and it might well be tiresome and there may well be tears; but if you're determined to see it through then you'll be fine.

As I said, you're beautiful, you've got a lot of great interests, as well as the energy and enthusiasm to make it all work; there's nothing about your profile that should lead anyone to think ill of you and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before you meet the guy of your dreams.

Good Luck :-) xx.
Thank you for the flattery and the good advice. I didn't think of my "do nots" that way, but it makes sense. I sent a message to a guy who responded back that he didn't spend most of his time outdoors, so I probably wouldn't like him. Good point- and proven already. I had to take my own pictures. I need to get one of my friends to take some for me. It's just so weird to pose for the camera. Ahh rejection. . . scary and painful. . . this is going to suck more than its exciting- isn't it? lol
It's your call Anna; though I would say that I've been alone all my life... It's not fun. Isn't a little rejection worth it if it brings you a lifetime of happiness?

You've nothing whatsoever to feel weird about posing for camera, you might even make a new hobby out of it (and not in the sordid way that might immediately flash to
mind when men mention modelling). - it's a legitimate and highly creative passtime.

I'm only sorry that I'm unable to help with regard to the latter part of your discussion topic, that of "flirting" - a completely alien concept to me, a whole vista of interpersonal skills of which I'm totally ignorant.

So I'll just say chin-up, staught heart; and remember: that which doesn't kill you will only traumatise you for the rest of your life. ;D
Your plentyoffish profile is very nice and straightforward. You are also very pretty and have lovely eyes.

Just thought I'd pass that along.

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