Your searching through an on-line dating site. You find someone that seems smart, interesting, and even good looking and then you find a line like this in their profile;

" God is #1 in my life! Without him we are nothing! I am so blessed:D! If you can't handle that, you can't handle me! "

Such a buzzkill.. On the other hand though, it is kinda nice to have such an easy way of detecting this specific form of craziness. Wouldn't dating be easier if other such psychotic shortcomings were proudly portrayed on their profiles? (PPPP?)



"Oh and BTW! I Like to hit women! So if you can't accept that then YOU CAN"T ACCEPT ME!!"

OR

"FYI I get a little jealous, and if you ever do anything to make me imagine you might have cheated on me, in real life or in a dream, I will cut off your penis in your sleep!! If you've got a problem with that then DON'T BOTHER!"

OR

"I enjoy sex once maybe even TWICE!!! a month, so if you can't keep up , don't bother e-mailing me!!"

OR

"Me and my cats are VERY close, if you get between us and our peanut butter you WON'T LAST LONG WITH ME!"

OR

"I like to put holes in condoms, Deal With It!"

OR

"Me and my Brother are VERY close, If you CAN'T Handle That KEEP ON LOOKING"

OR

"Meth isn't so bad, If you don't agree then BUH-BYE"

OR

"I prefer a man who can hit me every now and then to keep me in line! If your not a misogynistic bastard, THEN DON'T WINK AT ME!"

OR

"I have no respect for the term monogamy, our bodies (and stds) are meant to be shared freely! If you DON"T LIKE IT, HIT THE X BUTTON IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER!"

OR

"I still sleep in princess pajamas and have 739 stuffed unicorns in my bedroom! If you Have a Problem with that, GOODBYE!"



Really. Someone start a dating site that asks these questions. I think I could really be onto something here.

Feel free to add your own!


**** New additions

"My mother still controls every aspect of my life, so if you can't take orders from her SEE YA!"

or

"I like to get drunk and mistake the hall closet for the toilet. If cleaning up my urine isn't funny to you LOOK ELSEWHERE!!"

or

"Savings accounts are for pussies. If you expect me to live within my means GET REAL!"

... And those are all just my ex-husband...

Angie-


"I prefer the company of electronics over vagina. If you can't handle that - buy a vibrator."

"I have no desire to expand my horizons and expect to eat Velveeta shells and cheese every night of my life and nothing but. If you can't handle that - go out to dinner alone."

"My job comes number #1 over everything else, despite the fact it's an unimportant job that doesn't make a difference in the world, is a poor excuse of a career, and has little room for advancement which offers little finacial benefits anyway even if you do advance. If you can't handle this - it's not my problem. Get a hobby"

"I'm really not that well endowed. If you can't handle that, grow your hymen back."

LittlePants-

Views: 322

Replies to This Discussion

I have an account on Yahoo Singles (about to expire,) and guys don't seem to read profiles very well. I made a pointed point of my atheism, and yet I get nibbles from guys who "attend services weekly." Latest signed himself J----- the Nazarite and used the salutation "blessed be." Schizo much?
Anyway. I never planned to collect stray cats, but when they turn up at my doorstep in sad shape after being tossed out by the Bible-thumping Xians who surround me, I let 'em come inside. I don't always go to bed with a cat, but I always wake up with one. So, if you haven't had toxoplasmosis yet, this is your chance!
Blessed Be is a pagan saying. We have alot try an join our atheists meet-ups. I understand they like to be around non-christians who think rationally and all... But don't they realize we think they're just as fucking deluded?!?!
rlmao Stephen, my foster father used to call us rug rats. :)
And trust me, if you think it's hard finding another compatible atheist on these dating sites. Try being an African American where if your not xian, your another species or worse. "Your what? What's that?" (they actually ask me what an atheist is.)
hahaha those was some good ones. couldnt stop laughing but your absolutely right.
It really would make life a lot easier...too bad most of this doesn't come out until after you're already dug in.
Thought I would wipe the dust off this topic for the new members : )
Thanks EccentricSM, this is a great topic!
"I have no intention of ever growing up beyond age 3! If you can't handle a snotty, spoiled child in a an adult woman's body, then get lost!"

"I'm a woman; I shouldn't have to work, help out or contribute to the family in any way! If you can't handle supporting me for the rest of my life, go to hell!"

"I expect you to wait on me, hand and foot. If you can't do that, then find yourself another girl!"

Those three pretty much cover about 80% of the women I've know.
My favorite thing about personals is reading them and finding some douchetard that you know in real life. I remember seeing one headline that read, "Sexy lil' red head." In real life, the chick is a fat midget. Also, I love that I know people who are 30 to 40 pounds overweight, yet they still indicate that they are average size, or even "athletic." Online dating would scare the hell out of me.
Ahhh, the troll doll in a mini skirt, athleticism as definded by bowlers, or the pictures an earlier decade (which magiclly act like the Picture of Dorian Gray in reverse). Classics in the online search for love :)
"never meet a girl that only posts a picture of her face"

You're kidding - that would eliminate about 90% of the women, right there.

"Anyone can look good in one pic."

Except, of course, those poor souls that can't look good in any picture.
I once got really friendly in a chatroom with a woman who looked very good in the picture. She invited me to spend a week with her and it was after I'd agreed that I learned she had gained quite a bit of weight after that picture was taken and, at the age of 28, lost her hair "due to stress". At least she was honest enough to tell me all that before I traveled over 700 miles to meet her.

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