Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sonny Mobley on March 4, 2010 at 1:45pm

Absolutely. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad in other places, but here? On OKcupid I can find about five atheists within fifty miles. Ha. which sucks because theism is an absolute deal breaker. I may meet a theist in a bar and have a good time, but we'll never date. ^_^

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 4, 2010 at 3:05pm

Yes, I see you are in Louisiana. The analysis looked at randomly selected data form major urban areas. I feel just as SOOL as you out here in Kansas ):

Permalink Reply by Anna on July 17, 2010 at 11:04am

I agree with that statement! I just can't stand the "glassy eyed" look of the indoctrinated. :)

Permalink Reply by Scott Macauley on March 4, 2010 at 1:56pm

Yeah, it's because Christians want to proselytize, and by telling them you're an atheist you're giving them a prime chance to do so. However, my profile says outright that I'm an atheist in a couple different places and I hardly ever get responses.

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 4, 2010 at 3:11pm

I am not sure about the proselytizing. It's a dating site, after all. And the demographic was 18-40 yr-olds, skewed toward the younger crowd in volume. Maybe the response frequency has to do with people looking for sex rather than relationships. If that was what you wanted, it might be instinctive for many to assume that atheists have less inhibiting morality and are thus more likely to put out. Nebraska, huh? That's just like Kansas North...

Permalink Reply by Scott Macauley on March 16, 2010 at 11:42am

A lot of women put some form of "not just looking for sex" stipulation on their sites, and I've done so as well. I do think young Christians want to proselytize, even without realizing it. But aside from that, one thing that seems to happen with me is that I'll send winks/flirts/whatever, and the women want actual e-mails. My personal philosophy is that I won't e-mail someone if I don't think they're interested in receiving an e-mail from me, so maybe I'm doomed to failure from the outset.

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 16, 2010 at 11:58am

OK. Just my opinion here, but I really think the winks and flirts are tacky. And the intelligent women I have corresponded with feel the same. They want to see a guy make an effort at expressing himself a bit more than that. I know it seems gender-biased to the guy making a bigger effort, but that's kind of just the biology. Males are more expendable (genetically) and females tend to be choosier because they can afford to be. Maybe one of the ladies will comment on this (?)

Permalink Reply by Lois Lane on April 2, 2010 at 11:09am

I agree that non-customized contacts like winks are a bad idea. Too many guys send out winks or try to IM her just because they like a woman's appearance; they don't even bother reading her profile. Like the OKCupid analysis showed, the best initial messages mention something specific about the other person's profile. I also like to hear what the guy connected to in the profile. It's really not that hard to do, but a lot of men don't do it. If the guy's first contact is thoughtless, then he comes across as a thoughtless guy who's not going to put any effort into the relationship.

(It's also great when there's humor, but that's optional.)

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on April 3, 2010 at 8:44pm

I send many messages to many girls on dating websites and have only ever got 8 responses, which were all brief and about how we are not similar or not comparable. But I do think a woman's appearance is quite important, and it sounds like you think a man's appearance does not matter? I know I don't want a woman who is too similar to my mother. She is obese and I made a conscious decision to only accept someone who is somewhat skinny; I weigh less than most people my height, and I think most people know how those of the opposite gender should look. On one website, a "matchmaker" said I was too short.

Permalink Reply by Michael on October 14, 2010 at 3:48am

Just as a note - Most women don't bother to read profiles, either; better than 90% just look at a guy's picture when deciding whether or not to respond. Humans are just visually-oriented creatures.

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on April 3, 2010 at 8:43am

Yes, it can be tedious. But if one is optimistic, it seems possible that a lot of puported Xtians are not that strongly grounded in their faith and may themselves be susceptible to 'conversion'. I think it is possible that many profess to be Xtian (on dating sites) much in the same way as many politicians do - to increase their general acceptance level, rather than being serious about it. Maybe I'm too optimisitic, though, and it certainly doesn't apply to the 'salesforce' for Christ.

Permalink Reply by Trance Gemini on March 4, 2010 at 2:51pm

After I identified myself as an atheist the people who contacted me were basically one's who didn't care about religion.

I stopped dating shortly after that for unrelated reasons but it didn't make any difference in terms of the numbers who were interested.

There are a lot of people in Canada who self-identify as Christian but never go to church and it makes no difference in their day to day lives.

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