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Do men exist that do not want and do not have children?

I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Brian Ditter on February 27, 2010 at 6:16am

dear Anna
Needed ? or wanted ? ...... 5 yrs is a huge chunk of your most valuable asset [time] to consciously avoid intimacy [ unless, of course you collect ''dates'' in the manner of a beer can collection ...(?).] Please remember that I'm talking to a wider audience here: You:Plural.
To get a really good perspective on the rampant irrationality governig most adults lives[ esp in the areas or love/sex/intimacy see the works of Dr Eric Berne [who had some incredible insights in the area of social psychiatry , of which most humans are quite ignorant & thus necessarily NONinsightful into both other's & his/her own behavior. [A. I. : areas of Irationality / or Ignorance].. see both bestseller ''Games People Play'' & ''What Do You Say After you Say Hello ?''. & '' Sex in Human Loving''
Absolutely see ''The Albert Ellis Reader'' [esp sect on Rational living in an irrational society.]
.....of course by ''see'' I mean Digest !! Read/ Rreflect Reason/ Research/ Reread/ Regurgitate ..... [separate any nuggets of insight making sure you don't throw out the baby with the bath water]
Absolutely read well the books mentioned in my other posts [''Who Stole Feminism ?'' , ''Why Men are the Way They Are (& Women)'' , as well as The MYTH of Male Power.; ....... I can assure you that I am absolutetly dedicated to getting EVERY male [esp single atheist males] I can to read these works in the interest in combatting ignorance/ irrationality/ & lack of insight into human behavior., as well as exposing the dozens of destructive & dishonest MYTHS spread by the opposite sex of either persuasion: gender feminists or ultra traditionalists , used in the manipulation of men
see also ''Put Offs & Come Ons'' & a whole series of similiar works ''games 'X' Play'' ;['X' being: the opposite sex/ THERAPISTS/ children/ etc by [i believe] Chapman.
Berne does & excellent job in showing how many women use psychological maneuvers, strategems & destructive games in ''arranging ' circunstances so that they can ''prove'' to themselves [for ex] that ''All men are bastards'' in the lifelong pursuit of avoidance of real intimacy.....
Another policy I am popularizing is the refusal to get sucked into playing the game of ''mind reader/ing'' where a woman refuses to ''say what she means & mean what she says'' & ''DEMANDS''' that you be successful in guiessing properly or be severly 'punishen' if you fail....... [to 'read'her mind] Adults do not have time for this childish B.S..... I.O W s: absolutely take things / other's statements/ literally, AS AS SOP [certainly ask for feedback if the meaning is legitimately in doubt, - such as do to ambiguities in word meanings/ etc.] Misunderstandings are then primarily the responsibility of the individual or the person playing word /guessing games.
As a corollary , as the saying goes: "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR..... YOU MIGHT GET IT !!!!!".........[also] Bluffs CAN be called !
Again, why do you demonize men who have had children in the Past ? You haven't answered this question yet.\
All4now

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on February 28, 2010 at 2:27am

absolutely! Unfortunately, there haven't been enough studies on this matter yet. Statistics seem confounding, given the little we have. There is evidence that adopted children fare (in the fiscal and family sense) just as well as biological offspring. Yet there is also pretty clear evidence that non-biological offspring are more often at the receiving end of infanticide.

As for these unwanted children in the real world, I've read of instances (was it in Freakanomics? of countries removing access to abortion seeing a drastic rise in crime 15 years later, as if unwanted children, unloved children, turn to crime in greater numbers than wanted children.

Begs the question, is there a difference in representation among atheists of wanted vs unwanted children? Hmmm... I was unwanted. And considering the amount of anger I felt when I was having difficulty finding abortion services years ago, I can imagine the rage and hopelessness of other mothers who did not want their children... From what I read of ancient civilisations, women did used know how to abort pregnancies.

My personal take on the 'push' of marriage IS that it was satellite males' (in the biological definition) way of insuring themselves a share of procreation. And contrary to Ditter's implication, I have never been 'coerced' into my feminism, and never read male 'demonisation' books. My formative years were spent reading male oriented fantasy/action novels :). My feminism is something I hold from deep within and from a less than honourable father...

Permalink Reply by Karina on February 27, 2010 at 3:23pm

Brian,

With all due respect, here's a thought: Why don't you create your own blog instead? IMHO, you don't seem to be very receptive to other posters' ideas and enjoy enlightening us all with your extensive reading and name-dropping abilities.

I think Anna hinted at putting an end to this discussion on a friendly note a couple of postings ago, but you just keep going on an on about how we are all wrong to think the way we do and so on.

Plus, this thread went off on a tangent a looong time ago...

Permalink Reply by Dre Smith on March 8, 2010 at 2:04pm

I am that man...

Permalink Reply by Javier Garcia on March 8, 2010 at 11:01pm

Late reply, but:
I do not have children out of choice. I do not want to father children either. I did have an ex off and on these 14 years who had children - not in her custody full time due to mental and substance abuse issues; when they were around I was as cool and nurturing as any average father.

But not my preference.

Permalink Reply by Limber Lightfoot on March 9, 2010 at 1:50am

Yeah, his name is Dave, he lives in Sydney. He picked his current girlfriend from an online dating agency almost purely based on her desire to not have any children. I can't see anything else they have in common. :-)

He is 39.

So yep they exist.

Permalink Reply by Dan Dascalescu on March 11, 2010 at 2:37pm

Until 25 or so, I used to think in terms of "When I will have kids, [...]".

At 28, I realized that having children is not an automatic choice. I just hadn't thought about it before.

But have a trans-oceanic plane trip with your date and point out the screeching children that are guaranteed to decorate your auditory background...

Permalink Reply by Dan Dascalescu on March 11, 2010 at 2:39pm

@TNT666: Freakonomics makes a compelling case that legalizing abortion in the US has decreased the crime rate significantly.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on March 11, 2010 at 4:51pm

Yep, that was a very interesting read!

Permalink Reply by Keith Brian Johnson on March 16, 2010 at 11:40pm

I've never wanted to have children. (I love kids; I love my nephews, and they love me; but I don't want to have any of my own.) That, along with not believing in God (although I do like Mr. Deity ), makes it somewhat hard to find anyone appropriate; and since I neither attend church nor attend bars or clubs (except chess club, which is hardly a haven for eligible women), I end up not meeting anyone. What we need is a way of connecting with each other...like this group.

The mandatory wearing of T-shirts displaying marital status and, for singles, various important information (smoke or not? want kids or not? have kids or not? very sexual or not? religious or not? easygoing or not?) would go a long way toward helping people meet!

Permalink Reply by Sameer on June 23, 2010 at 2:07am

Yes, there are some mens who do not have children and few mens who dont want to have children.Iam one of them.I dont want to have children.

Permalink Reply by Robert M. Reed on June 23, 2010 at 9:41pm

Yes. there are men that don't want kids! I know! I'm one of them! I never have. I like my life the way it is without them, If for no other reason than the finacial obligation to them. There are more reasons, of course, but they are less tangible. I have a greeeeeaaaat deal of trouble finding women that are not completely repulsed by this idea. Then I mention the atheism thing and they run as fast as they can cause, you know, I'm the devil and all....;)