I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

Views: 2217

Replies to This Discussion

The few, the proud. I also want my lineage to end with me, so no, we exist, and we're not so few. You shouldn't feel alone. And it sucks because your environment is too ignorant. Pay no mind to them :)
Yes and yes. Then again, I'm 25. And single. Results may vary.
I don't currently want children, mind you, but it's not something I'd rule out in the future. Keep in mind that the children don't have to be mine, genetically, but I figure that, like most people, at some point some parental instinct will kick in, and I'll want to adopt a kid or two.
Actually, I'd say there are a LOT more men who do not care for children than there are women. Women like you are a rarity, truthfully.

I don't really like kids that much to be honest. I always feel I have to 'watch my ps and qs' and not say anything to 'crude'. Anyway, that's another story. lol

Plus, even if I did want one, I'm not sure what kind of crap I'm bringing them into with today's world and society. And I have little patience with screaming immature rugrats.
I have been an atheist all my life and have never wanted to reproduce. I was able to get a vasectomy at a relatively early age (23), but I was refused this operation a few times because doctors refuse to believe someone could not want children at some point. That said, it was one of the best decisions of my life. It does seem in this society that not wanting children puts you in a definite minority, even among the small number of atheists. So I use it as a filter: I don't really want to be with someone who can't accept those two aspects of my personality.

So no, you are not being unrealistic. You are simply part of a double minority and that reduces the acceptable dating pool.
Yes, being a member of a double minority (like Polymath said) sucks many times. But, how can you possible retrace your steps and change who you are? Why would you anyway?

I feel the same way you do (except I'm not interested in adoption myself), so I tend to go for men who are 10 years older than me or so. Chances are they've had children already, they're divorced, and the kids live with their mom. I find them a lot more interesting and I feel that the pressure to breed would not be an issue. Mind you, you have to deal with other things that come into place: alimony, shared custody of the brats, and being a stepmom, to name a few. Truth be told, though, I obviously haven't been all that successful with my target demographics as I remain unattached to this day...

All I can say is, don't get disheartened. Chances are slim, but there must be someone out there. It sounds like a cliche but you have to keep looking.

In my case, I keep repeating myself that I may never find that special someone so I hold on to the other great things in life that make me happy and make a conscious effort not let it get to me when I see that finding a life partner seems so easy for everyone else but me. It's an awful sense of being flawed and inadequate, but I think a lot of it has to do with popular misconceptions, unfair expectations and stupid Hallmark marketing efforts!!

Best of luck :-)
I guess as a 21 year old, I find this one hard to grasp..

Logically speaking, babies sound like a nuisance, children in general sound like a big ole headache, a burden, waste of money Make you want to pull your hair out and burn down the house, a ball and chain.

HOWEVER biologically speaking, I think I really wan't a baby..

Denying what I want biologically, sounds a lot like misery. Were animals, and animals naturally have the drive and desire for offspring. I can either fight this desire, or roll with it. Right now, I am thinking I am going to wind up rolling with it.

My two cents
Thanks for posting this Anna!

I tend to forget at times that in addition to being Atheist, Asperger's and 150 miles from Anywhere, there's the no-kids rule yet further limiting the number of fish in my sea. Never wanted kids and as of three years ago... no oven = no bun. Of course, I think of it as a great selling point. 100% effective permanent birth control and I'll never ever again have to say, "Not this weekend, I'm on the rag."

Never Again!!! 8D

I also never felt the burning need to pass on my DNA. My freedom to go to SciFi conventions and take the jobs I want overrides my need to overpopulate the world. Call me selfish or lazy but, well, there it is.
I personally know no atheist women who are not interested in having children,

Well, you know a couple such Atheist women now. Good to meet ya!

Jo, I hear ya! Love children to bits (especially the rugrats stage, strangely enough), but also LOVE LOVE LOVE the freedom to hand them over to their parents and head back to my nice, quiet, peaceful home :P

As of last month, I'm effectively sterile - and WAY relieved. Never wanted to have my own kids, decision made as an 18yo, and never the temptation to change it. My plan back then was I was only going to adopt, and if I was single at 30, I would simply adopt on my own. In addition to growing up and living in the real world now, and liking my freedom to do things my way, health issues also mean that I will not be approved for adoption AND I wouldn't want to take the chance of orphaning a child all over again either.

I know that this answer is unhelpful, but I'm indifferent about having kids. I would have them if it were a relationship deal-breaker, but I'd prefer not to have any.
To answer your question, yes, there are, although they may not be easy to find in FL.
(I lived near Orlando for 7 years)
I was such a man, but I ended up with 2 daughters from my 1st marriage somehow.
I appreciate them now that they are half-grown, but it really was never my intent to have children.
Part of the reason my 2nd marriage deteriorated I suspect was because my 2nd wife always wanted kids but never had the courage to speak her mind about it, just envied the 1st one.
I don't blame you for not wanting to bear children one bit.
It is hard on a woman and some never recover fully from the aftereffects.
But believe me, there are men out there to whom the idea of children is not appealling.
(My mother used to reassure me there were plenty of women out there who didn't want kids - where were you 20 years ago? :)

RSS

Support Atheist Nexus

Donate Today

Donate

 

Help Nexus When You Buy From Amazon

Amazon

MJ

© 2014   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Richard Haynes.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service