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Do men exist that do not want and do not have children?

I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karl on January 11, 2012 at 1:10pm

Michael, Thanks for the advice. Perhaps we could just swap careers and homes. I love the Seattle area. I used to travel out there a good deal. Leesburg has lots of women lookin to breed but a bunch of bible thumpers too.

Permalink Reply by sindy strickland on January 17, 2012 at 9:11pm

I feel the same as you. I also dont want to have kids. This world is way too over populated and its hard enough to take care of yourself , let alone a kid.

Permalink Reply by Tom Sarbeck on February 9, 2012 at 3:35am

Anna, are you being unrealistic? NO! You have reasons, though you haven't shared them.

I left Catholicism not wanting children. My #1 reason was that I didn't want to do to another set of children what my dad had done to his. My #2 and #3 reasons were that I didn't want to work as hard as he had, and the world didn't need any more people.

I was in college until I was 30 and figured I might meet a woman with children. Instead, I met a woman who also didn't want children. Her reason was that her parents had died in an auto accident and she'd been sent to an orphanage. A married couple adopted her, and her adoptive father died in an auto accident. Her adoptive mother remarried, and these were the parents I met. She never said so, but I figured she didn't want to risk subjecting any children to an experience like hers.

After seven years and some counseling we agreed to divorce. We both joined the same singles club and talked from time to time. A few months later I met a woman with four children. I learned from her that non-violence can work in families, which changed my attitude for the better. Work-related events intervened and I moved away (to San Francisco!!!!!) before we became serious.

I'm eighty, with no children, and have had a life too exciting to have any regrets. I feel good that I don't have kids who have to live in the world, and have to pay off the MASSIVE debt, my generation is leaving them.

Thirty years after our divorce, about eight years ago, my ex-wife and I met by phone and talked for an hour. We were both doing okay then, and I'm doing okay now. Be kindest of all to yourself.

Permalink Reply by Michael OL on February 9, 2012 at 10:05pm

Joining this discussion rather late, but here goes....

It has already been pointed out that in North America, atheism is rare, and desire for permanent childlessness is rare, whence unless the two strongly correlate, the "double minority" is tremendously rare. At the same time, both men and women are chiming in as self-identified members of this double-minority. So the challenges becomes, how do the rare specimens meet?

I was very fortunate... for a while. My then-girlfriend had no desire to have children. We married with the understanding that there would be no children. I went to see the urologist to make certain that there would be no children. For several years, my wife was thrilled... and then this past autumn, she suddenly announced that she craves having a child... and must therefore divorce me in order to meet another man, who would give her children.

So you see, the "not wanting kids for a while" syndrome affects both men and women.

Now where was that dating website for vasectomized atheists?

Permalink Reply by TJ Roberts on March 19, 2012 at 4:30pm

No kids here. Breeders generally suck.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on March 19, 2012 at 9:42pm

Hear Hear! Sounds like you might enjoy the conversations at The Childless and Godless!

Permalink Reply by Tonya Wynn on May 18, 2012 at 12:58pm

Well said Tomasz.

Permalink Reply by Tonya Wynn on May 18, 2012 at 12:56pm

So far, have talked with 2 atheists on nexus who I felt compatible with, but both want children. I don't. So sad. Maybe they'll want me when I'm 60 and they already have kids. So very sad.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on May 23, 2012 at 8:52am

That's because most atheists here still are dealing with the masses of teachings from their former religion, whose first mantra is go forth and procreate. So many atheists keep their religious values and only throw out the god part... that is not a true atheist. In the animal kingdom at large, very few species attain the levels of fertility achieved technologically by Homo sapiens. Our obsession with self reproduction is obscene!

Permalink Reply by Nathan Ortberg on May 21, 2012 at 12:24am

You're certainly not alone.I can't even count the number of times people have looked at me in complete shock when I say I don't want kids.

Permalink Reply by Selina Mannion on May 22, 2012 at 6:14pm

I don't want kids either.