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Do men exist that do not want and do not have children?

I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Justin D. Wrenn on December 29, 2011 at 6:13pm

I don't think it's a huge number of guys out there that don't want kids. I am one of them. I think the reason people want children is because "society" tells them that "it's the right thing to do, the normal thing". I believe that it is my choice and my partner's choice. If a couple doesn't want children, that should be their choice. No one else's.

I've dated women with children. You will never be their top priority. You will always come in second. Then if you are around long enough you get attached to the child and end up in a dead end relationship that you both hate, but you don't want to leave because you like the child. It's no good.

Then you run into, "what if the child's other parent is religious?" You can't really exert your beliefs to them without starting a big mess with the EX. You don't want that either.

Well, I hope that helps.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on December 30, 2011 at 1:02pm

Interesting and important point you make. I've noticed that from single dads on online dating sites as well. I personally stay away from that type. It seems like a better fit for dating is for single parents to date each other, makes the emotional risks a little more equal. It's not just about the adults either. Given the statistics that first marriages by far have the most durability, the risk of broken attachment for kids is pretty high in relationships after the initial couple.

Permalink Reply by Sawadogo Issaka on December 31, 2011 at 4:56am

I share your philosophy! I have the same problem as you! I think we could make the journey together! Only, I am very far from you! I am Buirkina Faso. a country in West Africa, people here do not understand!
I give you my address: boulsaboss@yahoo.fr

Permalink Reply by Tom M. on December 31, 2011 at 2:44pm

Let's clear the air here. You are not going to meet all the wickets I set out and vice versa. That is a good thing. I don't want someone who likes all the things I like. I want someone who can meet my deal breakers and offer the same in return. You will not like some things about me and I will not like some things about you. THAT is life. I don't want kids. I see the kind of world they live in and I am trying my level best to stop the hemorrhaging of common sense. I am more complex than a simple political party or tag on the Nexus. If you want something that stimulates your mind AND body that is what I look for so we probably have some common ground. I do get tired of trying to match me to you... How did this go before dating sites? How did this go before POF and Eharmony? I'll tell you that people actually TALKED to each other and didn't put a list of demands out there to be met. Just sayin'

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on December 31, 2011 at 3:09pm

Before this Caucasian century, romance, love and compatibility were low on the list of arranged marriages and marriages of convenience requirements. Partnerships today have no evolutionary biology foundations, they're all about the egos of human minds getting together for enjoyment. The problem is babies result in this subjective tango we modern humans do :)

We either play the romantic ego game, or we stay single... as some of us end up doing, because we don't like the game. It is a tempting game, and we do get titillated by it though. :)

Or.. you can go back to marriages of convenience or arranged ones. :)

Permalink Reply by Karl on January 10, 2012 at 8:26am

Being one, I know there are men who do not want children exist. I'm guessing people of both sexes who do not want children are even rarer than Atheists. For me meeting a single, childless woman who is at least not a big church goer would be such a statistical anomaly I don't even entertain the idea any more.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on January 10, 2012 at 9:10am

I've also found that 'wanting' to be childless is the only worse character flaw in society than being atheist, in Canada for sure. I've received much more flack for not ooing and awing over babies than about non belief :(

Permalink Reply by Justin D. Wrenn on January 10, 2012 at 9:13am

100% agree, TNT666. They bash you so much that I sometimes think there might be something wrong with not wanting to reproduce. HAHAHA. Then I come to my senses.

Permalink Reply by Michael on January 10, 2012 at 8:12pm

Ah, people bash others for all kinds of reasons. I regularly get criticized for WANTING children. Almost always by women who themselves already have kids. Talk about hypocrisy!

Permalink Reply by Karl on January 10, 2012 at 1:09pm

I agree. Worse than suggesting that we keep religion and government separate is suggesting parents not bring screaming kids to high end restaurants. Don't even think of telling people to stop raising my property taxes to pay for their kids high school football stadiums.

Permalink Reply by Michael on January 10, 2012 at 8:10pm

You know, it's amazing to me how much variation there is in this country from one area to another.

For instance, I have just about the opposite problem; I'm finding it difficult to find women who DO want children.

Of course, part of this issue is age-related. Most women who want families don't tend to wait around, then get busy and have them early on. So by the mid 30s or so, what I encounter is mostly either women who are done with having children, or those who never wanted any.

Karl, my sincere advice would be to move to Seattle. About 60% of the single 30-something women here have no interest in children. And, according to a recent study, the percentage of atheists here is over 1 in 4.

Sorry, to the women here: I can't say for sure if the same is true about the guys. But at least you'll have plenty to pick from; this area has the highest man-to-woman ratio among singles of anywhere is the continental US!

Permalink Reply by Karl on January 11, 2012 at 1:10pm

Michael, Thanks for the advice. Perhaps we could just swap careers and homes. I love the Seattle area. I used to travel out there a good deal. Leesburg has lots of women lookin to breed but a bunch of bible thumpers too.