I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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Replies to This Discussion

i can echo.... 'we do exist'... and some of us get old 'not finding'... :(

I've met quite a few men in my life that have no intention of ever having kids. It happens.
It is not irrealistic to find a suitable partner somewhere.   But it is very irrealistic to find him locally.   We are living in the time of email, skype and air travel.   Mental distance is much easier to overcome than geographical distance.    I am also a childfree woman, but at my age of 62 it is even more difficult to find a man, who has never procreated.   So I have decided to search worldwide for a mindmate, for someone suitable and compatible, and I will certainly not compromise for easy geographic availabily.  
At the age of retirement it is possible to find a way.   I am able and willing to offer a home here in Germany to someone, if he has enough own resources to pay his share of a frugal life style.
dang! I thought this discussion was for guys who do not want kids :(

That's what the original poster is looking for, yes.

More than that, though, I've gotten the impression that she wanted to know why so many guys want kids.  She ended her post with a series of questions.  I certainly don't think she intended this to be an exclusionary discussion in which only those who don't want kids are allowed to participate.

I like kids just fine but have enough fun playing with relatives children . I don't think it's unrealistic as long as you are up front about your expectations going into the relationship.

They exist, they're just tough to find, as well as many guys don't take the question seriously. Honestly I can't wait to get my tubes tied so I can put that upfront--not having kids, ever. Not possible for me to have kids, ever. That way the whole "oooh you might change your mind." thing will go the hell away.
I am totally with you there! If only it didn't necessitate surgery, I would've gotten my tubes tied already.

There was one thing they were testing that would be an outpatient procedure! When I first heard of it I was so excited--it was basically two coils that you put into the fallopian tubes, and it causes them to become blocked off after a month or so--you'll have to use BC until then, but it would have been an easier way--that didn't involve inpatient surgery, to get my tubes tied.

On top of this I will probably have to search and search for a doctor who will actually do it--one woman had to get WRITTEN PERMISSION from her husband saying she could get her tubes tied--and this was the one doctor who agreed to it, all the others refused to. Look, I can see you don't want to do surgery on someone who will later regret it, but there are tons of people who, like me, just aren't cut out to have kids--c-sections are often the only way women in my family have children, My mother had serious complications with both me and my sister--and I'll likely have the exact same complications should I try, on top of me just...not being interested in kids. A friend earlier today said a gem that I will quote now:

Personally, children scare me. They’re like little tiny underdeveloped people, and I don’t care for ‘em. Too unpredictable. And they’re usually covered with something sticky. I hate sticky.

My tubal ligation by laparoscopy was an outpatient procedure. I was at the hospital for 2-3 hours. No notable scars, 3-5 days rest. Good as new :)
Good to know. Was it tough to get a doctor who would do it for you? Do you already have kids, or do you not have kids? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm curious as to how hard it was to get done. I'm 22 and I've never wanted to have kids, I'd really like to get it as soon as I can so I can stop being concerned with birth control and guys who are intent on turning me into a breeder.

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