I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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You're willing to adopt a child, but you aren't willing to date a man who already has children?

That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

You may just find that the men who are fathers are, on average, more serious about finding a long-term relationship, more sincere about their feelings, more emotionally generous, more mature in their behavior, than single studs who never grew up and are still looking to play the field in their 30s.

I was going to post a similar response, but didn't want to duplicate so I'll jump in here.

I can understand and appreciate the desire to not have children of your own, but to eliminate men as candidates for a relationship because they have children? Similar to what TByte's saying, this can (not that it is always so) be an indicator that a guy is good relationship material. Having kids doesn't imply that he wants to have more children.

I'm an excellent example. I have three children, but I'm not motivated to have any more, though I would consider it if I met the right someone who wanted children. My children enrich my life. Also, I have a life apart from my children; I'm not only a father. If someone's children are a nuisance, that's another matter entirely.

Most of the time, in a dating situation, "having" kids means having offspring that are still minors, or still in your care. "Having" kids usually does not include, "had kids 30 years ago". If a parent is single with minor kids, to me it's an indicator of bad relationship material. Couple problems can't always be blamed on "the other one", couple problems need two.

 

As for "wanting" kids... that's a whole other affair, the percentage of women who eventually breed is higher that men... However, I suspect that most of the men who don't want to partake in breeding at all are also not partaking in marriages (or common law). Which seems entirely reasonable to me.

 

Being a non breeder is nearly as unpopular as being an atheist on dating websites. It's just a reality we have to deal with.

"If a parent is single with minor kids, to me it's an indicator of bad relationship material."

Another incredibly ignorant unsubstantiated blanket generalization.

No, it actually only takes one person to ruin a marriage.  And if you can find the gem that was under-appreciated or taken for granted by their former partner, you will find yourself in a loyal and richly rewarding relationship.

Worked for me, and my girlfriend would agree that it worked for her too.

Please TNT666, continue with your non-breeding program.

I suppose it's a blessing in a sense. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who's so short-sighted as to eliminate me as relationship material simply because I have children.

Your response takes an overly simplistic view of parenting/relationships, and implies that people do not change. I'm not the same person I was when I was married; I'm not the same person I was yesterday. Today, I'm a card-carrying ACLU member and my ex-wife is a birther. Neither of us were these things twenty years ago when we met. Both people and relationships are dynamic things. Relationships end, sometimes because of "couple problems", sometimes because it's simply time for them to end.

BTW, I fit the profile of a single parent with minor offspring in his care. I'm also a great catch.

I've only recently begun to hear the label "breeder". It seems derogatory and dehumanizing. Does it serve a purpose beyond marking your fellow human beings as "other"?

Females are CONSTANTLY entering into relationships thinking "THEY can change the man they love".

 

Why is it so hard to understand that people who don't want children don't want to date parents of children????? We don't want the constant kiddy conversations, and all the other stuff that goes along with it. We've made a life choice.

 

The OP is looking for a partner with the same values as her, why is that a problem?

 

We're mostly adults here, those of us who want to date outside the breeding community should be able to do so without being constantly lambasted "but why not me?" There's something just a little bit weird about the response "I don't understand why you won't date me" after someone has said they don't want to date you. Isn't NO for an answer sufficient??

 

If breeders showed any respect to us non-breeders, you'd leave this thread alone and let us "evil" non-breeders flirt and conversate with each other without harassment.

THE OP STATED VERY CLEARLY SHE IS CONSIDERING ADOPTION.

She has NOT stated that she does not want children.  She stated that she does not want to give birth.

Read.  Think. Respond.

That is the proper order.

You seemed to have missed the "maybe" part... a huge maybe when it comes from non breeding women.

Uhm, no I did not miss that.

Did you miss the part where I said "CONSIDERING".  It was in CAPITAL LETTERS, so I'm not sure how you passed it by.
So....."maybe" she should consider dating a man who already has children. Maybe.

I'm in the same boat here in North Dakota, only I'm looking for women without children..
Yes, right here!!!

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