I sent on a coffee date monday morning. It lasted for two hours, and the woman I was with was funny, idealistic, assertive, compassionate, met every benchmark for what I was looking for in a woman, other than being irreligious. Even so, I find that, really, I'm not sure I cared.

I got the feeling I was only there because of some obligation to some sociological hegemony that I'm not really a part of and don't really care for. I wonder, am I supposed to be dating? I find women attractive, but all the same, I wonder why I felt apathetic about a date who had characteristics I was looking for. I guess I might be looking for the wrong things, like I think I want someone with X, Y, Z characteristics, but I really need A, B, C, instead. I dunno it's just weird. Anyone else ever have dates like this?

Tags: apathy, dating

Views: 95

Replies to This Discussion

Sometimes you just don't click with people. I don't know why, but it happens.

On the other hand, if you don't feel like dating, don't date. It's not required.
No, I want to date, I was the one who organized the whole damn thing, asked her out, and that sort of thing. It wasn't easy but I did it. Apparently I'm either cripplingly shy or cripplingly apathetic.
Sounds like you just didn't click, as Max Polun said. I had an identical situation a few weekends ago. Great girl, good company, good personality and yet religious. The religiosity did not really bother me because I'm pretty sure she knows deep down that it's all bullshit. In the end I had a pleasant time and we both thought the other was attractive- no doubt. But we just didn't click. Best girl 'd met in a while as far as my standards go but it just wasn't happenin'. Now 'm talking to a girl who isn't exactly the type I would normally go for but she is absolutely blasphemous and 'm diggin' her.
This happends to me too. A guy can be perfect for me on paper and in person there is just no chemistry. It makes me think that maybe I am really looking for something other than what I thought I would like. I suppose when I find the right guy I will know right away.
Is there "the one that got away"? I am having a hard time being interested in other guys because I still wish things could have worked out with the last guy I dated. If you still have feelings for someone you cannot have, that can get in the way.

Another possibility is some weird chemistry thing that I have heard about, where too similar of DNA can lead people to not be attracted to each other. I can't remember where I read about it, but it had something to do with people who were distantly related were less likely to find each other attractive than people who are unrelated.
I'll address this in reverse order. This girl was unlikely to be genetically similar, she was black and I was caucasian. In fact it works from a prospective of scent, and I found her scent very nice, so I doubt it was that.

There is a "one that got away" as you say. The funny thing is, in the last month, I haven't felt the same about the one that got away, and thought I was free of this terrible curse. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I need to heal up some more.

I'm beginning to get the feeling the one that got away felt the same way about me as I do about this girl.
Another vote for not-clicking.

A best friend of mine was, by every measure of match.com or OkStupid should have been my perfect mate. But the chemistry was zilch.
I thought she was very attractive, in an older, more mature way. (I'm 23, and she's 27.) Er, why?
I think it's all about presentation, really. You're just presenting yourself in a different media, diverse from the one humanity has evolved to, what I am told is, near perfection. You strut your plumage, so to speak, in a different way online, but it shouldn't demoralize you.
You can't quantify 'click'. There is no understanding it. Discussing it doesn't even provide the satisfaction of mental masturbation. If you fall off the saddle got on and try again. Its just a numbers game. Perhaps I should be posting this on the math forum.

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