Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ryan doh on June 3, 2011 at 12:08am

There this anti drug freak that is around your age that is an atheist. I can introduce you to him but he was an alcoholic so you will have to hear about how everyone who drinks ends up being one lol. Serously, he is a real guy.  You wanna meet him? He got divorced. So he is free. You might help him level out. In this case i don't mind if a women changes a guy.

Permalink Reply by Amers1229 on June 3, 2011 at 12:38am

Permalink Reply by Ryan doh on June 3, 2011 at 12:42am

hahaha. Alright.  maybe the bear mgiht like this guy instead hmmm?

 

Just encase you are wondering. No I am not refering to myself. I am beleive all decisions about persons body is up to the person not the state.

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on June 3, 2011 at 1:44pm

I lost my darling gf 3 years ago, when she was only 28.  It was an accident, so it was very sudden.   I don't really know how I kept it together, but I did.  My friends always said I wasn't a "fall apart" kind of person, but her absence in my life was really hard to take.  We lived together, played together, and frequently worked together.  I don't think we were ever apart for more than one night in 6 years.

 

In the months after her death, I tried to focus on work and the gym, and my typical routine, but I made sure to give myself space when necessary and would occasionally cut out of work for a day alone at the lake when I felt overwhelmed.  I became a bit of a hermit, and friends would have to beg me to come out.  But eventually (maybe 8 months in), I returned to a fairly normal social schedule.  I am still not looking for a girlfriend, but I am seeing a few different women.  At this point, I don't know that I will ever want a committed, monogamous relationship again.  But that is just me.  I have always liked being single as much as I like being involved.

 

One hard adjustment to make was that her death is now part of my identity.  I am well known locally, and now, I imagine, when someone describes me, I'm certain it comes up.  As in, "Her gf died a few years ago."  I never thought that something tragic would be part of who I am in the eyes of others.  This may sound trivial, and maybe a little selfish, but it has affected me.

 

Another difficult thing (and this went on for about 6 months after) was the questions.  I would be at the gym and someone who didn't know me well enough to know what happened would ask where she was.  It happened at the grocery store, and at the bar, and in social circles who hadn't heard the news.  That sucked.

Permalink Reply by Michael on August 3, 2011 at 6:29pm

I'm not sure if I qualify, as we weren't married yet, just engaged.  She died in a head-on collision with a driver high on drugs, a bit before we were due to be married.

 

I'm also not sure that I'm the best person to ask about how to deal with things like this.  I'm pretty good in emergency situations, but in this case, there was nothing to do except stand around and absorb the fact.  So I kind of fell apart a bit, let everything go to hell.  Lost my job, my house, spent a lot of time in a kind of a fugue state.  Took me about 2 or 3 years to climb out of it.  Talking to friends was awkward because they didn't know what to say and I could only impose on them so much.  A better option was a grief group that I attended.  I'd lost so many people in my life already - a brother, a cousin, a couple of friends, both parents, and my daughter - that I really needed to be with someone.

 

It's been years now, and I'm trying to date, but it's very hard, both because there are very few single women, and because the ones there are, are extremely picky.  Not being particularly tall, handsome or rich, I don't have much to offer that they care about.

 

So for the most part, I just live life day to day, and try to keep hoping.  I'm sorry if that's not very helpful.

Permalink Reply by Gloria Manucia on October 21, 2011 at 11:55pm

My late husband was somehow naturally religious and had been a Jew, a Christian and then again a Jew before he died about 4 years ago. We were members of a synagogue when he died. I went through the prescribed Jewish mourning rituals, even though I often felt as if I were just talking to myself. My (then 14-year-old) daughter would talk about missing Daddy and how she wanted to be in touch with him. I gently said that if we couldn't hear each other call through the house years ago, it seemed highly unlikely that he could hear her now that he was dead.

 

I have driven my daughter to the cemetery a few times over the years at her request so she could "visit" her father, but I will not "visit" with Joel while I wait for her. My daughter and I quit the synagogue. I am still attracted to Jewish men--primarily for their education and their domestic politics--but I spend most of my time working to support my family, so dating is on the back burner. Being 56 and on Prozac mean that my sex drive is virtually nonexistent.

I had stopped drinking before my husband died, but being back on the dating scene influenced me to drink again. I dated a few men, but Dr. Right was not among them. In the last six months my daughter gave birth to a little boy. (I am pro-choice; she is decidedly not.) Although he is a financial burden, my grandson is adorable. My brain turns to mush when he is near.  I tell myself that he, my tom cat, and my male dog are all the males I need in my life--and yet here I am at Atheist Singles "just in case." And next weekend I am attending a science and skepticism convention for the first time, in large part because I hope to meet men there. If you seek clarity, I am not a useful source! But if you feel confused and ambivalent, then I can be a terrific sounding board!

Permalink Reply by Dara on December 11, 2011 at 2:12am

yes,I am a widow,I lost my husband to esophageal cancer in 2006 when he was 38 yrs old and I was 36 I have 2 daughters the youngest of which has had her own cancer battles.At 5 1/2 years out I am finally ready to start dating but being a single mom with a child who had medical issues makes that difficult.