Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by James on October 24, 2008 at 9:41pm

My last girlfriend was only marginally religious and we decided just not to talk about it. It was a constant source of aggravation for us as it would still come up in regular conversation. We had other problems too, but this difference in our core cosmologies did have an impact on the relationship. I won't be going out of my way to date a religious person after going through that.

Permalink Reply by Gold Guy on October 25, 2008 at 3:35am

I had a girlfriend who was not religious, but she had superstitious beliefs. She was a fatalist. When ever something dramatic, untoward, or awful would happen she'd say "everything happens for a reason" or "whatever happens is what should be," implying that somehow there would be a silver lining. I would always point out that what she was saying was meaningless, circular, and just dumb. Somehow it made her feel better to think random events have an ultimate purpose.
Whatever!

Permalink Reply by Heather McIntosh on October 24, 2008 at 9:49pm

I couldn't do it because it is important for me to completely respect the person I'm with. I can't possibly respect a belief in sky men.

Permalink Reply by James on October 24, 2008 at 10:20pm

"a belief in sky men." - That's awesome.

But what about aliens?

;)

Permalink Reply by Heather McIntosh on October 25, 2008 at 11:31pm

Aliens are far more likely to exist than sky men. :-)

Permalink Reply by James on October 25, 2008 at 11:41pm

Here here! I would probably welcome our Alien overlords. :)

Permalink Reply by Kylyssa Shay on October 25, 2008 at 11:19pm

I was married to a religious man. Never again.

When we would have disagreements he would disparage my morality because I believe "we're only bags of meat" and thus am totally without a moral compass. He also flew into a rage over any atheist or religious discussions I posted on the Internet.

Permalink Reply by James on October 25, 2008 at 11:43pm

...that's outrageous. I would suggest picking up the book "Sense & Goodness Without God" by Richard Carrier if you haven't already. I'm about halfway through the book and it is amazing fodder for just those half-cocked arguments by the brainwashed... I mean faithful.

Permalink Reply by Nick on October 26, 2008 at 1:34am

I did for about three years, and was engaged for about the last ten months of it.

In the beginning, it made for some interesting conversation. I attended church with her for about a year, though toward the end, when it was apparent I wasn't converting, the members of the congregation gave me the cold shoulder. They also began making subtle (and some not so subtle) suggestions she dump me because I wasn't Christian (not atheist, non-Christian).

Maybe it was the Darwin-fish-eating-Jesus-fish I had on the back of my car. That I parked in their church parking lot. Every sunday. Maybe.

In the end, that year only served to reaffirm my stance on religion.

After that, we just tried to ignore the religious differences. This works for a while, but isn't a long term solution. It only comes back stronger. It wasn't the the only factor that killed the relationship, but it certainly played a part.

Permalink Reply by Gold Guy on October 26, 2008 at 3:39am

It is difficult, but many people stay together even with drastically differing views of reality. I read "The Reluctant Mr. Darwin" by David Quammen. In the book Darwin's relationship is described as very strong, even though Emma believed and he didn't. She believed he was going to hell. Sometimes people can just accept that the person they love lives in a different reality, and leave it alone. I don't think I could, not if she was very openly religious, at least not now because I'm becoming more outspoken about my atheism.

Permalink Reply by Dani on October 27, 2008 at 11:02am

Definitely not! Especially if they are very outspoken about their religion. I have to disagree that it would probably be a constant disagreement. I'm not sure I agree with the "opposites attract" thing. I love Heavy Metal. I can't imagine dating someone who likes rap!!! So the same would go for beliefs.

I wouldn't mind dating some religious if they were not outspoken. I like to debate and talk about things, but if it is going to cause a fight, then no thanks!

Permalink Reply by Hermes on October 27, 2008 at 9:34pm

Someone who is religious is fine. About 1/2 of my old girlfriends were somewhat religious and that rarely was even a cause for a passing conversation let alone anything to dwell on.

Yet, the more superstitious and supernaturalist someone is, the less I can respect them. Call me picky, but I want to know the person I spend time with is interested in this world and can distinguish fantasy from reality.

So, no new-age crystal power people, no conspiracy people, and no turn or burn people. Life is too short to wallow in miserable insanity.

That said, if they kid about wild and crazy things and are inventive -- they 'get it' intellectually and can flip ideas like a chain saw juggler -- that's very attractive.

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