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Permalink Reply by Laura McGuire on March 20, 2011 at 10:17pm

Well, of course.

Otherwise I would have said I understood... but it's not like I go about asking men how tall they are, because if I date someone between 5'9" and 5'11", around 200lbs it reminds me of my father.

I think there are more tactful ways to go about it, and being observant is a good indicator as well. If all her pictures are of just her face, it might have something to do with an insecurity.

Or some advice, talk to her... ask her about her short-comings, and mention your own insecurities. She's more likely to be honest if she doesn't feel so judged, make since?

But if you ever do get roped into going on a date, only to make that discovery... I'd hope you'd be a gentleman, finish the date. And either A.) you'll like her enough to think it doesn't matter, or B.) you'll have other criteria to break it off with her.

A simple 'it's not going to work' is better than treading on her self-esteem. I'm definitely not trying to make you feel shallow. We are all in the same boat there, it's just some handle the situations more gracefully.

I can be very socially awkward, so sensitivity is a skill I had to force myself to adapt, it seems you might be the same in that case.

Permalink Reply by Michael on March 22, 2011 at 2:53am

Hello, Laura, good to make your acquaintance.

Pardon for jumping in here, but I feel impelled to point out that, while it may be considered impolite to ask a woman what she weighs, women seem to have absolutely no such compunctions about asking about a man's height. AND rejecting him on the basis of the answer. I am quite a bit taller than Michael P, and yet I regularly get quizzed on my height, and openly turned down when I don't meet her [often unrealistic] criteria. Consequently, I can see some justification for men thinking that turnabout is fair play. If she's going to go around telling guys "sorry, you're too short", then it's not entirely unreasonable that some of the men might decide that it's OK to say to women, "sorry, you're too fat".

And yes, I know all about social norms, and I'm certainly aware that this isn't a smart thing to do. I'm just saying that there is a definite imbalance here, and I can see where some resentment might arise because of it.

I'm glad you don't ask about height. But most aren't as considerate.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 22, 2011 at 8:24am

*shrug* So, date short girls.

Permalink Reply by Michael on March 22, 2011 at 2:32pm

Tsk, tsk, Joseph; you're jumping to conclusions. And trivializing the issue. That strategy doesn't work; a woman's height has no bearing on the subject; short women are just as likely to be obsessed with tall men as tall women are. As a matter of fact, as a general rule, it seems that they are even MORE likely to insist on dating only extremely tall guys. I know that may seem counterintuitive, but it's nonetheless the case.

I don't quite understand where this fetish comes from, but it's quite prevalent, and extremely strong. If I recall correctly, you're fairly tall, aren't you? In that case, I would expect you would probably never have encountered the issue. Understandable. (And lucky you.)

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 22, 2011 at 4:14pm

I've seen several girls who don't want to date guys over 5'6" or so, on personals sites. They're short (4'10" or 5' or so), and they don't want anyone who's too much taller. There are all sorts out there.

I'm about 6'1", yes. Not really tall, but slightly above average.

I'm trivializing the issue because it had nothing to do with what we were talking about previously. If Michael Pianko only wants to date women who are shaped like Barbie dolls, that's his right. Likewise, if women only want to date tall men, I'm not going to tell them they can't.

What we were jumping all over him for was that he was using just about the most insulting words possible to describe his preference.

Permalink Reply by Noah Petersen on March 22, 2011 at 4:44pm

I think I should be superfical in intellectual ways. Like if a woman told me her favorite book was the Bible or the Twilight books I's tell her I can't date her.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 22, 2011 at 4:51pm

Hmm, maybe she just likes horrifying literature?

Permalink Reply by Noah Petersen on March 22, 2011 at 4:56pm

What are the odds that a sweet, intelligent and articulate woman reads really bad books?

Is she reading them ironically?

Permalink Reply by Laura McGuire on March 22, 2011 at 6:06pm

Joseph is right, 6'1" isn't all that tall anymore, it's pretty average actually. (but maybe this is because out of my 4 closest friends- 2 are girls and are 5'8 and 5'10. 2 are guys and stand at 6'5, and 6'5 1/2. All but one were childhood friends and short when I met them... I still haven't come to terms wit the fact my best and closest friend is 10 inches taller. lol, I still think I can beat him at everything)

Noah-

I have to agree... because chances are, if they list the Bible as a favorite, they've never read it. And if they list twilight... they've most likely never read another book in their life. Surely the horrid writing is obvious to any literate would-be fans?

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 22, 2011 at 7:34pm

What are the odds that a sweet, intelligent and articulate woman reads really bad books?

Is she reading them ironically?

Personally, I enjoy Twilight as a display of the horrifying social norms within the Mormon Church. The bit about adult werewolves (who are all male) finding their 'soul-mate' when she's 1 or 2 years old, then grooming her into the perfect mate as she grows up ...

Well, it's really, really fucking creepy, and it's good to see Mormons displaying that sort of thing to the public. Maybe if the public was more aware of that sort of thing, as a counterpoint to the recent Mormon propaganda ads, they would wise up about the Mormon Church. The FLDS Church is an extreme version of the official Mormon Church, but the mainstream Mormon Church is freaking psycho, too.

As for the Bible ... know thine enemy. I've read it cover-to-cover.

Besides, I like a devious twist in my sweet, intelligent, articulate women.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on March 22, 2011 at 7:38pm

Joseph is right, 6'1" isn't all that tall anymore, it's pretty average actually. (but maybe this is because out of my 4 closest friends- 2 are girls and are 5'8 and 5'10. 2 are guys and stand at 6'5, and 6'5 1/2.

Well, 6'5" is WAY the hell above average. I think the average height for men is 5'8" or 5'9", but that's including Asian and Latino men, who are well below that, on average. Average for white males is probably 5'10" or 5'11".

How tall are you anyway, Laura?

Permalink Reply by Laura McGuire on March 22, 2011 at 7:42pm

I'm right around 5'7" (way taller than I expected to be, my mother was 4'11")