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Introduce yourself with a little pertinent info and maybe a recent photo.

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What did I say that was so terrible?  So, I asked to see a picture of a girl who probably will never meet me in person, so it was a waste of my time to ask.  So, I'm on a bowling league sponsored by the columbus young professions club, and women there will be seen and everyone will know how fat or skinny they are.  Nu, and online women can hide themselves so nobody knows how fat they are, and we are supposed to just politely pretend a person's weight doesn't matter.  And I work at a grocery store and all covers of the women's magazines at the checkout lanes all say things like "loose 12 pounds in 2 weeks... never mind that the max. amount of weight you can loose ina day is 7-8 ounces and if you loose any more you will be dehydrated or damage your muscles.  So, on ok cupid or a dating website, why should I risk conversing with a girl for awhile only to find out she weighs too much, why not just get the weight out of the way right away so I know whether the woman is ok or whether I should move on to someone else?  And you know what else? My mother is obese, 1-1/2 to 1-3/4 x my weight, and any girl who is too fat, I'll just think she is too similar to my mother.  You can't date your mother.

If you're looking for a girl who is fit and active, then fine.  The problem that everyone is trying to get you to understand is that the way you say things is insulting and will drive off many women who would meet your criteria.
There is probably a nicer way to say this. I'm just saying. You sound like an asshole when you talk like that.

I like your picture; it's very pretty.  Cute dog.


Ooh, and a Mac person, too!  Bonus!


So what are your long-term ambitions?

As far as long term goals, I want to be the most accomplished individual I can be. But more specifically, I want to be published. I love writing, and I am working on a novel at the moment. (and I always have several short stories in the works).


As far as other goals go... I'm still deciding. Finishing my degree is definitely one, financing just wasn't there the first time around. But hoping with a little aid from scholarships I'll rectify that in the next year. I'll probably always be a student of some sort, even if it's on my own... I love learning. 


And Thank You for the compliment! Also, I think my dog is cute as well...  smallest one I've ever had, but she's absolutely adorable.

Plus, when you say things like that...


Well, you start playing on a woman's insecurities... whether they are thin or heavier, they still have them. Even if you didn't mean it so, it has negative connotations.


And they will associate the negative emotion that it causes with you.


In short, you make us self-conscious  and we feel bad.

That's the sort of thing I've been working with him about, yes.  He seems to be completely unaware that there are neutral ways of phrasing things. Many of his word choices seem to be the negative side of things, and then to express the positive aspect, he uses the offensive word and applies a negative modifier to it.


The thread I was talking about before is over here.  He's updated his profile since I did my commentary on it, but I'm sure the language of the new one could still use a bit of massaging.  I haven't gotten back to it, yet.

Ah, well... admittedly, I didn't take the time to read his profile, but from the excerpts you included, I can say I agree. He truly doesn't realize how negative he makes himself sound, ergo he's not concerned with making the phrasing more neutral.


You seem to have a good angle on things though, he could do to utilize the help you've offered :)

Then could you just be honest and mention your exact weight in your profile so I won't have to ask?

As I mentioned in my first reply, I appreciated the advice. I've never joined an on-line dating site, and truly didn't think of a full-body picture. But as far as the specific weight of any girl, some advice... never expect a woman to post that on their profile.


It sends out a message that physical appearance is the most important aspect, and also can make women uncomfortable. Whether 105 or 305, I've never met a woman who wanted to discuss her weight.


I do understand though, it would be rather unpleasant to meet someone in person and find out they are not at all what you envisioned.

So, what do you think I should do if I meet a girl in person, having only ever seen her face, if I find out that she looks like my mother, being much larger than I am?  Do you not care what I look like?

Well, of course.


Otherwise I would have said I understood... but it's not like I go about asking men how tall they are, because if I date someone between 5'9" and 5'11", around 200lbs it reminds me of my father.


I think there are more tactful ways to go about it, and being observant is a good indicator as well. If all her pictures are of just her face, it might have something to do with an insecurity. 


Or some advice, talk to her... ask her about her short-comings, and mention your own insecurities. She's more likely to be honest if she doesn't feel so judged, make since?


But if you ever do get roped into going on a date, only to make that discovery... I'd hope you'd be a gentleman, finish the date. And either A.) you'll like her enough to think it doesn't matter, or B.) you'll have other criteria to break it off with her.


A simple 'it's not going to work' is better than treading on her self-esteem. I'm definitely not trying to make you feel shallow. We are all in the same boat there, it's just some handle the situations more gracefully.


I can be very socially awkward, so sensitivity is a skill I had to force myself to adapt, it seems you might be the same in that case.




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