I've been in a relationship for about two years.  We're preparing to move in together soon and continue down the road, hopefully to marriage and a family together.  Well, about a week ago my boyfriend threw a huge curveball into my life by admitting he's addicted to porn.  He's living on his own for the first time since he's graduated from college and in the past few months he's spent nearly $1000 on porn sites.  He's been financially bailed out by his parents a couple times, who simply believed he was still learning how to budget his money.  He also told me he had the same problem when he was in middle school, except he didn't spend money then.  His parents took away his laptop and the problem (more or less) went away.  I'm glad he trusted me enough to tell me about his addiction and that he's seeking therapy and getting rid of his computer, at least for the time being, but I'm having a hard time taking this personally.

I'm a recovering addict myself, so I know (intellectually) that addictions are deeply personal and not a reflection of the people in the addict's life.  But now when we have sex I wonder if I'm feeding into his addiction.  I wonder if I somehow contributed to his relapse.  I wonder if our (very healthy, or so I thought) sex life is only making matters worse.  We've talked about it, but I hold back because I fear my own personal hang-ups will only derail what is nearly a perfect relationship.  Is there any advice out there for an atheist couple going through recovery?  Every recovery program out there (especially sexual) is theist based and I need some useful help, not a prayer.

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Hi, Don. I have found some help from Smart Recovery. It is not a 12 step program. It utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy at its guiding methodology. Though it has a somewhat limited number of face to face meetings nationwide, there are text and voice meetings online every day. The website provides a great intro to the concept. http://smartrecovery.org/

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