Atheists Against Domestic Violence

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Atheists Against Domestic Violence

The stories of domestic violence are often carbon copies of each other; however the recipients of this illness do not feel that there is help or a way out.
I wanted to start this group to expand the fight against domestic violence.

Location: Chicago, IL
Members: 11
Latest Activity: Apr 22, 2011

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Comment by Prog Rock Girl on December 30, 2009 at 3:52pm
I really liked your comment Giselle. Someone on AN said we have a culture of "victimhood" and I think really the word "victim" has been co-opted into something to be ashamed of, and we have more of a culture of victim-blaming than anything. Religion and new-age beliefs try to come up with a reason that life is fair or that there's a system to why things happen, but they usually end up blaming the victim, because they're a sinner, or it's karma, or people get misfortune b/c they secretly want it. Abuse is the same as rape: I don't care what people think the victim could have done differently, the perpetrator is still the one physically exerting themselves violently against them.
Comment by Goddess of the Vibes on December 30, 2009 at 12:49pm
Hey just a quick word about Lenore Walker's model, the Cycle of Abuse.. one problem with it is that it can be misused or misinterpreted to mutualize the violence rather than seeing it clearly as unilateral. Yes a victim of violence or abuse will always resist it in some capacity but we need to be clear that this in no way brings responsibility for further violence inflicted by the attacker. Also the Walker analogy externalizes the violence into this "cycle" which has a life of its own rather than breaking it down into perpetrator responsibility. While it is helpful to understand the dynamics at work, it's unhelpful to locate the violence conceptually outside of the perpetrator. We see it all the time in the media: "Domestic dispute results in woman's death".. yeah, not so much. Why do we so rarely see "Man kills wife"? Because in our culture does a fair amount of victim blaming. It's "normal." Same reason why we so often hear people saying, "What's wrong with this woman, why did she choose a guy like this?" rather than "What the hell is wrong with that guy that he is so violent against his partner?" Thing is, most of these guys are not abusive in the beginning, but extremely charming. It's a culture of victim blaming and it's everwhere.. and likely a direct result of colonialism.. we see the same kind of language used to "discuss" the residential school institutionalized abuse and cultural (and actual) genocide of First Nations peoples. Don't get me started.. I should reference Dr. Allan Wade with some of those comments above.
 

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