VATICAN CITY—Calling the behavior shameful, sinful, and much more frequent than the Vatican was comfortable with, Pope Benedict XVI vowed this week to bring the widespread pedophilia within the Roman Catholic Church down to a more manageable level.


Addressing thousands gathered at St. Peter's Square on Easter Sunday, the pontiff offered his "most humble apologies" to abuse victims, and pledged to reduce the total number of molestations by 60 percent over the next five years.


"This is absolutely unacceptable," Pope Benedict said. "It seems a weakening of faith in God has prevented our priests from exercising moderation when sexually abusing helpless minors."

 

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Tags: ", Catholics, Christianity, The Onion, The Poop, child abuse, pedophilia, religion, theists

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Replies to This Discussion

Is it wrong to want to laugh and cry at the same time?
Perhaps that's the only reasonable response.
'course it is. You might choke and hurt yourself.
...much more frequent than the Vatican was comfortable with...

...vowed this week to bring the widespread pedophilia within the Roman Catholic Church down to a more manageable level...


It certainly sounds as though "some" pedophilia is okay, or is it all pedophilia within the church is okay, unless the common people find out about it.

They may want to change their strategy in molesting and raping little boys, it seems as though what has worked for them over the centuries, needs a bit of updating.
You realize this is from The Onion, right?
uh,I just figured that out. I had not read the whole thing before commenting. silly me, I'm blond, remember?
Yeah, but as Glenn said below, it is so what you'd expect them to say.
To a "reasonable level"? (DG's headline)

To a "more manageable level"? (The article)

To "reduce the total ... by 60 percent"? (The article)

"... has prevented our priests from exercising moderation when ..."?

W.T.F. !@$!@#

[Of course, the scary thing is that The Onion has just created a marvelous work of poe-try.]
"...weakening of faith in God..."

That's his pathetic excuse!? Sounds like more scapegoating to me. Wasn't it the fault of homosexuals a few years back? Guess that round of bullshit didn't work the way the hoped.
D.O.S., Richard, It's from The Onion.
Sometimes the Onion is very realistic. Which I don't think reflects well on any of us. :)
Ahhh, The Onion ... celebrating April Fools Day, 365 days a year ... and they even throw in Sadie Hawkins Day!

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