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Atheist Humor

This is the place to post that hilarious irreligious YouTube video, an irreverent, anti-religious cartoon, or other humorous bit of media. Posts that do not reflect an atheist/irreligious theme will be deleted. (Don't make me go Old Testament.)

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Latest Activity: on Thursday

Lewis Black: The Flintstones is not a documentary.

A slightly longer version of the clip that used to be here. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGrlWOhtj3g

Discussion Forum

BBC Black books comeday recommendation

Started by Christopher Cosgrove. Last reply by rockytij Sep 19, 2014. 1 Reply

Jesus, Rocky and Fellatio

Started by Richard Cahill. Last reply by The Devian Sep 18, 2014. 3 Replies

Jesus vs Jeezus

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by LaSmirk Jun 17, 2014. 6 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Joan Denoo on January 8, 2015 at 12:14am

Patricia, particularly unexpected end! Funny!

Comment by Daniel W on January 7, 2015 at 5:44pm
Patricia that is the best ever!
Comment by k.h. ky on January 7, 2015 at 4:09pm
That's wonderful.
Comment by Patricia on January 7, 2015 at 3:40pm

A woman takes her lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '$250'

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover, are in the closet together..

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a sand wedge.
'The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy - '$750'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'

The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'

Boy - '$1,000.'

The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'

They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit with me again. You're in my closet now.'

Comment by Christopher Cosgrove on January 3, 2015 at 12:57am

Thanks Daniel. Forgotten how good Dave Allen was and he does highlight the absurdity of religion brilliantly.

Comment by Patricia on January 2, 2015 at 11:03pm

Love Dave Allen!!! Never missed his show.

Comment by Daniel W on January 2, 2015 at 10:59pm

Kind of long, but funny.

Comment by Grinning Cat on December 27, 2014 at 8:58pm

(Grinning and groaning at "Labracadabrador!")

About fog lights, it's true that longer (redder) wavelengths of light scatter less and shorter (bluer) wavelengths of light scatter more in fog and in the atmosphere. (Blue skies are scattered light; red and orange sunrises and sunsets are what's left over.) The yellow and amber fog lights are white (mixed wavelengths) with most of the blues taken away. They're not a single pure wavelength.

I suppose fog lights aren't red because (1) the more aggressively filtered an incandescent bulb or lamp is, the hotter and more inefficient it is; (2) it's easier to recognize objects in a broader spectrum of light; and, most importantly, (3) we don't want anything on the front of a car to be confused with taillights or brake lights (or an emergency vehicle).

Coming back to some (ancient) actual humor, this radio exchange supposedly happened between a U.S. Navy ship and Canadian authorities:

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

(snopes.com on the origins of this joke)

Comment by Patricia on December 27, 2014 at 4:02pm

They've gone here.....to do majik!

Comment by Terry Groff on December 27, 2014 at 3:55pm

Best you "watch out where the huskies go" :-)

 

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