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Atheist Humor

This is the place to post that hilarious irreligious YouTube video, an irreverent, anti-religious cartoon, or other humorous bit of media. Posts that do not reflect an atheist/irreligious theme will be deleted. (Don't make me go Old Testament.)

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Lewis Black: The Flintstones is not a documentary.

A slightly longer version of the clip that used to be here. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGrlWOhtj3g

Discussion Forum

BBC Black books comeday recommendation

Started by Christopher Cosgrove. Last reply by rockytij on Friday. 1 Reply

Jesus, Rocky and Fellatio

Started by Richard Cahill. Last reply by The Devian on Thursday. 3 Replies

Jesus vs Jeezus

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by LaSmirk Jun 17. 6 Replies

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Comment by Doc on November 6, 2011 at 9:44am

Hilarious petition found:  https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions#!/petition/we-demand-vapid-co...

So true, so snarky, wish I'd come up with it!!!  At least, I signed it.

Comment by Chris Dodds on November 6, 2011 at 9:11am
Can I trust you guys with a secret?  My legal first name is "Christian".
Comment by Doc on November 6, 2011 at 8:45am
Comment by Chris Dodds on November 5, 2011 at 11:31pm

This one guy with a beard approached a crowd of people and declared "I am the second coming of Jesus Christ!"  "Prove it!" someone in the crowd yells.  The man claiming to be Jesus spotted a blind man near the front of the crowd and placed his hand on top of the man's head.  When he removed his hand, the blind man removed his glasses and said "I CAN SEE!"  The crowd was amazed and dropped to the ground to worship Jesus.

Unfortunately, the formerly blind man had been blind all his life.  He was blinded by the sudden light and walked out into traffic where he got hit by a bus and was instantly killed.

Comment by John Burtonclay on November 5, 2011 at 8:20pm
I know this is arse about. My first joke is below, but thought you might like this nonsense too. Here's No 2.                                                                                                                            When Jesus was on the cross, almost dead, he started to call for Paul, who was in the crowd of onlookers. Paul heard the masters feeble call, "Paul, Paul." and immediately ran forward. But there were lots of well armed Roman soldiers in the way, keeping the crowd at bay. This didn't phase Paul at all. He ran headlong into the fray. The soldiers kicked the shit out of Paul, slashed him with their swords and did all they could to stop him. But Paul heard the Master call his name again. "Paul, Paul." So he fought on. By the time he made it past the soldiers, he wasn't looking too flash. Copious amount of blood squirting out of his many injuries, an arm missing, and only one eye left. He somehow managed to drag himself up to the foot of the cross, looked up lovingly with his one dying eye, and muttered with his now toothless mouth: "What is it O Lord. What pearl of wisdom do you wish to bestow on my humble self before you leave us?" Jesus looked down at Paul, and murmered with almost his last breath: "I can see your place from up here!"
Comment by John Burtonclay on November 5, 2011 at 8:16pm
Here's an atheist joke for you. Yes, I know Moses and Jesus weren't around at the same time, but so what? It's a joke, just like the bible. If you like this, there's more on my page, but please don't go there if you're offended by plain language, then you won't have to bitch about my lack of finesse. It's really easy. If you don't like it, don't read it. I am an Aussie you know. We speak a different language here.  Anyway, here's the joke. Hope you haven't already heard it.                                                                                         Moses and Jesus were taking a stroll along the shore of the Red Sea. Moses said "You know, Jesus, I've still got it. Watch this." He raised his arms, and the Sea opened up. Jesus, unimpressed, and not to be outdone, said " Ok, check this out." He walked out on to the water, but didn't get very far when he started to sink. He was in a bit of bother, floundering around and looked like drowning. Moses raised his arms again, opening the sea, and Jesus walked out. He said "Thanks Moses. Gee ,that's funny. I used to do that easily." Moses replied, "Yes, but you didn't have holes in your feet then."
Comment by Chris Dodds on November 4, 2011 at 8:49pm

I know that many of you are upset because the above video doesn't work.  Here's something for you.

Creationism by Lewis Black

Comment by Joseph P on November 3, 2011 at 12:04pm
Ah.  Same God-surrender nonsense as AA, I imagine, huh?
Comment by sk8eycat on November 3, 2011 at 12:03pm
ACA started out as Adult Children of Alcoholics, but they changed the name to Adult Children Anonymous while I was still going to meetings.
Comment by Joseph P on November 3, 2011 at 11:49am
Discussion thread comments can be edited.  Group comment wall comments can't be edited, only deleted and re-posted.
 

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