Comment

Comment by Alex Barnham on August 24, 2012 at 11:32am

Mel Gibson:  no one was harmed in this flim.  We couldn't show you what a whole uncircumcised penis looks like so we decided to put a victorian flag over the midsection of Jesus.  Otherwise the flick is so real, you can taste the blood.  And we have it from a good source that Mother Mary beat the shit out of the mohel who tried to suck the foreskin off her child because an angel told her that anyone who tries to cut or otherwise maim her holy child, she is to take his little knife and cut him to shit.  So she did.  Amen.

Comment by Idaho Spud on August 23, 2012 at 3:27pm

Twilight Zone indeed!

Comment by Pat on August 23, 2012 at 3:24pm

Comment by David Sensei on August 23, 2012 at 1:30am

@sk8eycat Thanks for the tip. I have visited that site before but didn't investigate much. It's huge. I've bookmarked it now. It might be a more appropriate venue for my creations.

I couldn't locate 'Butt-scootin' hound' or your alias. Any search suggestions?

I hate 'The old rugged cross' too. I parodied it some time ago, so as you mentioned it, and at at the risk of overkill, I include it here. It's not that funny but the blasphemy is laid on with a trowel. Enough already, eh? Actually, I'm going to hold back with these because I'm collecting them into a book and I don't want to be premature ... I'm also reposting a shopped pic I made about two years ago, as it seemed appropriate.

THE OLD RUGGED CROSS

original words: George Bennard, 1913

based on Galatians 6:14

repopularized by Brad Paisley, Alan Jackson, Vince Gill among others

alternative words: D J Lowe

On a time far away stood the old rugged cross

The emblem of suffering and shame

For they used that old cross to destroy human life

In a nightmare of suffering and shame

REFRAIN

They perished on that old rugged cross

The enemies of Rome were hammered down

The centurions sure showed them who was boss

As they nailed their victims up outside the town

Nails between the bones, oh the screams and the moans

It has no attraction for me

But to the lambs of god, it's a symbol of love

And they celebrate that dark scene with glee

It took ages to die, it was agony just to sigh

Their breathing was constricted, you see

The boldest crows and flies would pick out their mouths and eyes

As they hung their still alive so helplessly

This cruel grotesquery will set all of us free

Churchgoers do proudly declare

In that worshipful place, throw it in their children's face

How much vomit would there be if they'd been there?

Comment by sk8eycat on August 22, 2012 at 7:53pm

@Sensei: Have you posted your song parodies on the AmIRight web site? 

If not, DO!  I have a couple there under the name of exhoicat.  My personal favorite is "Butt-Scootin' Hound" to the melody of "The Old Rugged Cross." (I always hated that song, even when I was trying to believe.)

Comment by Idaho Spud on August 22, 2012 at 6:17pm

Thanks for the punishment David.  I like & saved those lyrics also.

Comment by Patricia on August 22, 2012 at 3:40pm

Comment by Tony Carroll on August 22, 2012 at 10:56am

Comment by David Sensei on August 22, 2012 at 3:45am

@sk8eycat & @Idaho Spud - as your punishment for liking my lyrics, I offer my favorite Xmas carol. Yes I know it's a bit early, but sounds like you need some milk in your mammaries

GOD REST YE, MERRY GENTLEMEN

words: anon

music: trad melody, aeolian mode

first known version c.1760

updated lyrics by D J Lowe

Good ladies, merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember Christ your savior
Is nothing but hearsay
He saved us all from Satan's power?
 - Your brains have gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy
Oh boy, oh boy
O tidings of comfort and joy

 Three wise men came to Bethlehem
 Or some such barleycorn
 And found him in a manger
Upon a chilly morn
His mother Mary popped him out
 Before the break of dawn
O tidings of comfort and joy
 Oy oy oy oy
O tidings of comfort and joy                 

From the alleged father
They say an angel came
To fill the heads of shepherd boys
With twaddle just the same
How he in Bethlehem was born
Of virgin Mom they claim
 O tidings of comfort and joy,
 O vey, o voy
 O tidings of comfort and joy

 'I kid you not' the angel said.
'You wanna pick a fight?
His mother is as pure as snow
Drilled with a shaft of light
It entered in her fertile womb
While she stayed dry and tight'
O tidings of comfort and joy
No saveloy
 O tidings of comfort and joy

They laughed for all they're worth
And left their sheep out in the fields
 To see this dubious birth
They checked out Mary that same day
Wine, frankincense and mirth
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Her did annoy
 O tidings of comfort and joy

And when they came to Bethlehem  
Where this rare freak did lay                       
 They found him in the manger

Where oxen feed on hay
His mother Mary fibbed of how she
got in family way
O tidings of comfort and joy,
O what a ploy
O tidings of comfort and joy

The Bible sore amazes
All of us within this place
There's lots more crap where that came from
To send you off your face
So people, use your common sense
Examine every case
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Myth to destroy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Comment by Tony Carroll on August 21, 2012 at 10:31pm

Hahahaha!! Made me laugh, sk8eycat. Gonna keep this one too. Thanks for the laugh.

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