If you replaced your pacifier with the Bible, you might be a Christian.

If you think Fox News is balanced journalism, you might be a Christian.

I you have seen His holy likeness in a potato chip...

If you offer to pray for a friend rather than actually helping em...

If you've thought "Well that makes a lot of sense" while listening to Rush...

If you would rather your children live in guilt and shame because they are human...

If you respect someone with the nacissistic need to be worshiped...

 

 

Ahhh, mine suck. You guys give it a crack!

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Replies to This Discussion

You might be a Christian if you have to sell your children for medical experiments.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-L3JMk7C1A&feature=player_embedded
You might be a Christian if you said crap like this.
Damn, those guys are DUMB!
GOOD NIGHT, MARTHA!!!!! If there were any logic whatsoever in that statement, I think it would have screamed bloody and jumped ship for the rest of the content!

The Stupid - IT BURNS!!!!!
If you think doing yoga is evil.
If you mistake god swill for God's will.
You believe that it's physically possible to dry someone's wet feet with (non-absorbent) human hair.
You believe that it's physically possible to dry someone's wet feet with (non-absorbent) human hair.

As a child, I always found that to be one of the more ridiculous images.

This of course after trying several times to dry myself with my hair, just to make sure it really doesn't work.
This of course after trying several times to dry myself with my hair, just to make sure it really doesn't work.

Heh! My own hair was never long enough, but I learned early on that it was impossible to dry wet hands on a cat.

I also found the mental picture of that whole scene repugnant long before I ever heard about women like Margaret Sanger, et al.
I never found it repugnant. The symbolism of humbling oneself to touch your hair to another's feet made sense to me from the perspective of a culture where hierarchy is everything. I even did a whole paper in college around the image of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples: Why such an important detail is mentioned in John but omitted by the other three gospels. This as a core example of the gospels not just getting mundane details wrong but at least one or three gospel writers going out of their way to paint a skewed picture.

Anyway, back to childhood, being very Aspie-literal, the ill-conceived image of physically "drying" feet with hair always bugged the living shit out of me. Even more than most of the ridiculous bible images.


(BTW: I would love to have seen you experiment with drying your hands on a cat!)
The cat was not amused, and I ended up with fur all over my hands. Plus they were still wet.

I think I was about 6 years old at the time. Poor Mother was always trying to impress me with buybull stories, and all I ever did was rebel. The exaggerated servility of the "good" characters made me gag. But it still took more than 20 years for me to get out from under completely; I thought there was something wrong with me because nobody else around me had problems believing. Or so they said.

PS: My sister is an Aspie (never diagnosed, but the evidence is everywhere), and a JW. What a combination! I think I have a touch of it myself...I became obsessed with one thing, and one thing only, when I was about 10 years old, and look where it got me (see icon photo)! A professional "career" that lasted less than 10 years, and a wonky spine. But I sure had fun while it lasted!
You claim to be Pagan and/or Atheist, yet might still be a closet Christian if...

1) You retain the holier-than-thou tenant. (With pagans, it's I'm-more-enlightened-than-you-are).

2) You continue to preach belief in Jesus because the bible says it's true.

3) You answer requests for supporting evidence/citation with #1.

4) You get all itchy and defensive when people point out bible/church atrocities.

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