If you replaced your pacifier with the Bible, you might be a Christian.

If you think Fox News is balanced journalism, you might be a Christian.

I you have seen His holy likeness in a potato chip...

If you offer to pray for a friend rather than actually helping em...

If you've thought "Well that makes a lot of sense" while listening to Rush...

If you would rather your children live in guilt and shame because they are human...

If you respect someone with the nacissistic need to be worshiped...

 

 

Ahhh, mine suck. You guys give it a crack!

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Replies to This Discussion

If you think the supposed words of Jesus make sense but that's no way to live in the real world.
If you talk to imaginary friends...
If you think God doesn't want you to buy beer until noon on Sundays...
If you think that hot make out session with your hot make out session earned you a spot in Hell... (that one was from Michelle)
If homosexuality disturbs you more than bombing an school in the Middle East...
If you think a wooden boat built by a Bronze-age drunk can hold 100 million species and all their food for 80 days...
If you think any vestige of that wooden boat would survive several thousand years....
You might be a Fundi if ...

Even when given evidence to suggest that the world is 6 billion years old, you still think it's 6 thousand...

You actually think a crocodile/duck would prove evolution when in fact it would disprove our current understanding...

You'll be the first to benefit from modern Science all while claiming Science can't prove anything...

that's all I got.
If you think a scientific theory is some godless researcher's idea of a wild guess....
This is one my son grabbed off the internet somewhere;

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Oh #3 was fantastic! haha
Rollin on the floor with laughter!
Or a date.
If you can watch footage from Haiti and still think your good and omnipotent God is still good and onmipotent......and responsible for little Johnny getting over his swine flu so quickly. Thank the Lord!
and responsible for little Johnny getting over his swine flu so quickly

Or worse... responsible for helping our team win...

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