I've been watching too much Letterman lately, so I've put togther a Top Ten List; Top ten reasons its good to be an Atheist.  So bear with me, here we go:

10. We can sleep in on Sundays

9. We don't have to spend an hour out of our weekend sitting on a cramped wooden bench in a stuffy room with about 100 other people

8. We have better sex lives since we can do it outside of marriage and no positions are off limits

7. We can eat and drink whatever the hell we want

6. If someone asks what we yell out in bed, we can just say, "Ask your wife"

5. It's amazing how much you save on gas when you don't have to got church once a week for an hour and then wait in the parking lot another hour to get out.

4. Three words: WE GOT POTTER!

3. Our copies of the bible serve multiple purposes (I've used bibles to prop up the kitchen table, as a coaster, when I'm out of toilet paper, etc.)

2. The money we save by not putting it in the collection plate can go to pimping our rides

1. We're smarter and we tend to be right

Tags: atheist, humor, top ten

Views: 556

Replies to This Discussion

Great list!

I (almost) wish I had every penny I put in the collection plate over the years, but the fact is that my sons were better off in private schools rather than Detroit Public Schools. Once I taught them to think for themselves, atheism came naturally...although the garbage, nonsensical answers they got from their religion teacher helped along the way ;) In the end, they both earned Presidential scholarships to a big university here in Detroit, so I guess it all worked out to our advantage in the end.

#2 is a huge one.  I've heard of people tithing 25%, then talking about investing and money management.  If you got back freaking TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT of your income, how much better off would you be in life?

Twenty-five percent better off.

[/wiseguycomment]

:-D

25%? You are forgetting the power of compound interest!

They can keep my money if they give back the valuable time I spent listening (or daydreaming) through all of those boring sermons.

I particularly miss sitting in a crowd of sneezing, coughing, spitting, lunatics who would kick you in the balls if you disagree with ANYTHING.  Of particular importance is keeping your mouth shut for an hour while some dink with a high school education tries to give you a prescription for your life when he/she doesn't know the first thing about life.  Unfortunately most religious lunatics are so addicted to their groupie life they couldn't kick it if they tried.

Two excellent books entitled "Prisoners of Ritual" and "Symbolic Wounds: Puberty Rites and the Envious Male" will give tremendous insight to those who are still questioning the relative importance of religious bullshit.  We still have the "right" to be "left out" of the religious crap that keeps people enslaved to a system of ignorance and strife.

Hate to admit this, but I've been in the position of #6. OK, she had already filed for divorce, had been separated for 3 to 4 months, and he was at church. What can I say?

Oh yes, position #6...When a woman stands on her hands and feet, and her lover mounts her. At this time everything that is ordinarily done on the bosom should be done on the back.

How about:

11: Our brains work better because we haven't dulled them with a bunch of 2,000-year-old myths and superstitions.

Just a thought.  Oh, and I seriously DIG the Radcliffe quote!

"1. We're smarter and we tend to be right"

                                     ^are^

When I was in school, we were separated into groups of religion and sent to a class. My atheist parents sent me with a note excluding me from any religious activities. I spent my time in the library reading history and astronomy books. I was the only one in the entire school and I was very very lucky. This was the best thing about growing up as an atheist child.

How could you attend a religious school if your parents were atheists?  I attended a christian school but no atheists were allowed?

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