·         Age 5 or 6: 
The Bible lifts off of Jesus.

·         Age 7: 
Jesus joins the local baseball team, Yahweh’s Fighters.  He was the famous hitter.

·         Age 8: 
Jesus hits a baseball into the local bakery in a game of stickball.  Had to work there all summer to pay off the
window.

·         Age 9: 
Jesus gets into a fight at school with a short Mexican with the same
name as him.  The Mexican kicked his ass.

·         Age 10: 
Jesus found a strange plant while off with his friends.  He and his friends decided to light it on
fire and they were all strangely hungry afterwards.

·         Age 11: 
Jesus went through a rough patch and gained 150 pounds.

·         Age 12: 
Jesus got in a back street brawl and came home with a black eye.

·         Age 13: 
Jesus grows to 6 feet and starts to shave.

·         Age 14: 
Jesus loses the extra weight to impress a girl at school, who still
didn’t go out with him.

·         Age 15: 
Jesus meets a woman called ‘Sparkle’ and never forgets her.

·         Age 16: 
Jesus ran away from home and joined a band called Smashing Crucifixes.

·         Age 17: 
Jesus found that strange plant, learned that is was weed, and make a
killing in Bethlehem.

·         Age 18: 
Jesus met ‘Sparkle’ and they went steady.

·         Age 19: 
Jesus become rebellious and starts a political party calling for
independence.

·         Age 20: 
Jesus is short on money and becomes a pimp.

·         Age 21: 
Jesus celebrates his birthday by getting drunk.

·         Age 22: 
Jesus got caught for pimping and was sent to jail.  He learned not to drop the soap.

·         Age 23: 
Jesus went to rehab for his drinking problem.

·         Age 24: 
Jesus went back to jail and bailed out Paul.

·         Age 25: 
Jesus, Simon Peter, James, John, Andrew, Philip, Thomas, Bartholomew,
Matthew, James, Simon Zelotes, Judas, and Judas Iscariot join together and make
a new band:  The Apostles.  They were the biggest hit of late night comedy
shows.

·         Age 26: 
Jesus writes “I Fought The Law and The Law Won”.  It flops. 
Jesus is still pissed that it became famous 2,000 years later.

·         Age 27:  Jesus
stops pimping and makes the women into groupies.

·         Age 28: 
Jesus went to jail for sleeping with a girl who was 17.

·         Age 29: 
Jesus and Judas get into a fist fight over ‘Sparkle’.

·         Age 30: 
Jesus started to settle down with his crazy life.

·         Age 31: 
‘Sparkle’ was killed out of jealously by Judas.  Jesus had a return to his drinking.

·         Age 32: 
Jesus packs up with his band and moves back to his home town.

·         Age 33: 
The Bible picks back up on Jesus.