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Sexuality as a Social Status

Alright, I desire to discuss this.

Why?

Because I'm REALLY REALLY ANNOYED, because someone is insisting upon telling me about how they lost their virginity an hour ago. That's right; just had sex for the first time, and they can't find anything better to do than to tell me about it, and COMPLAIN no less. I mean, to say something like "Stay a virgin, don't make my mistake, learn from it" (I paraphrased; it was barely readable to start), is something I would think someone would say a few months later after the charm of the "devirginer" has worn off -- not within the hour!

My theory is that this is some sort of social status thing. And I want to discuss that. Sex as a social status. I mean, srsly, WTF?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Aaron S. (USA) on September 25, 2010 at 10:52pm

My guess is that most people want to be sexually desirable, and they reason that "If so-and-so has (or 'I have') a lot of sex, they (or 'I') must be very desirable." So, they brag about how much sex they're having so make themselves seem more desirable. Obviously, though, this doesn't include people who are just sexually active because that's who they are.

Permalink Reply by Jezzy on September 25, 2010 at 11:13pm

Is this a guy or a girl? You don't hear many guys complaining about losing their virginity...

Once my friend was at his own birthday party, and he called up his friend to see if he was gonna show up, and he said that this friend sounded really... out of breath and had to end the conversation and hang up, and his theory was that he was in the sack. My question is, why would you even ANSWER?

I think it's sort of like when someone asks you if you're busy such and such time, and you tend to vaguely overstate your busy-ness because it makes you look like you have a life. When you don't. You don't even have friends. Which is why you turn down the sound on the TV real low, and pretend that the people on the show are talking to you...

My guess is this person is having some sort of insane post-shock or something? >_> When it comes down to it, isn't virginity kind of a nonsensical concept to begin with?

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 26, 2010 at 7:25am

Once my friend was at his own birthday party, and he called up his friend to see if he was gonna show up, and he said that this friend sounded really... out of breath and had to end the conversation and hang up, and his theory was that he was in the sack. My question is, why would you even ANSWER?

Heh, WTF? Yeah, cell phones have really disrupted so many social things. If I'm in the middle of something, I just let it go and will worry about it later. We have voice-mail for a reason.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 26, 2010 at 7:22am

Hmm, I'd look at it from the opposite angle. It's not that people are specifically turning their sex life into a social competition. People tend to turn everything into part of the game of social competition. Sex is just one of the many things that becomes a part of that.

I'm puzzled by the warning to stay a virgin, though. Is this friend a religious type or something? Is it a guy or girl? If this is a girl telling you this, that makes a little more sense. The first time can be a bit traumatic, because of the hymen breakage and such. Pretty much all girls get over this pretty quickly, of course.

Permalink Reply by Louis on September 26, 2010 at 12:23pm

To some degree it probably is a social status thing. The big, "Oh look how mature I am, I've been inside a vagina/I've had penis inside me." It almost seems like the new 'driver's license' in terms of milestones.

However, I think it may be more that it's just something people talk about. By their 20's most people have had sex so it's not hard to imagine why it would come up in conversation. Because this person is a friend I imagine they're just talking about something they think you'd be comfortable talking about. I've been around groups of people who talk about their sexual experiences and, I dunno, it doesn't really bother me but it's one the few times a loud-mouth bastard like myself has to keep quiet -- because I really don't have anything to add on the subject.

Permalink Reply by Jezzy on September 26, 2010 at 12:56pm

I got my driver's license at 18, I can only imagine how long it will take me to lose my virginity. :P

Permalink Reply by Louis on September 26, 2010 at 1:06pm

Just go horseback riding and say you did.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 26, 2010 at 3:59pm

Hmm, seriously, a variation of this isn't a bad idea. Get a dildo or something and break your hymen in a more clinical, non-sexual scenario, Jezzy. That will take away a lot of the stress involved with your first time, if you know there won't be the pain involved with it. If you're not going to marry some fundie Christian who will expect you to have an intact hymen on your wedding night (of course most Christians are hypocrites who sleep around like crazy, before they're married, so screw them), then there's no reason to make your first sexual experience a traumatic one.

Your doctor/gynecologist should be able to cut it for you, too, if you're worried about doing damage to yourself. I've heard of women getting this done, because they had an unusually sturdy hymen, and it was too painful to break it the usual way.

You still have to worry about getting some guy who thinks foreplay is useless chick stuff and that you can just pull a girl's clothes off and go to it. You can mitigate this somewhat by finding a guy with a bit more experience or who has spent a bit of time on the subject in the self-help section of B&N. Book learning can never be as good as actual experience, but it helps. I was quite well-read on the subject, before I became active. I know it helped in my case and helped me figure things out a bit quicker.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on September 26, 2010 at 6:06pm

Hmm, seriously, a variation of this isn't a bad idea. Get a dildo or something and break your hymen in a more clinical, non-sexual scenario, Jezzy.

I advise every female to do this, actually. I did it so gradually that it didn't hurt at all. One of my friends said she wanted it to hurt, and then it was more meaningful or symbolic, but she's into BDSM too.

Yes, loss of virginity is a social status thing. People want to lose their virginity b/c they are told that being a certain undefined age and still a virgin is * pathetic*. The same way living with parents past a certain age is *pathetic * according to society. Both of these things are meaningless societal norms. Some things will make sense for your life even if they don't for others. It is not pathetic to be a virgin or celibate at any age, if you have no interest or don't have an appropriate partner.

Permalink Reply by Jezzy on September 26, 2010 at 6:40pm

I have heard girls even in this batshit-crazy Mormon community often go to a gyn before getting married. I also heard it as one of those things just just gotta do, likened to "ripping off a band-aid", which was a little horrifying. :P

Also, how do I know when it's broken?

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 26, 2010 at 7:39pm

Dunno, I don't have one. I've never broken one, either, so I've never gotten an up-close examination of one, before the fact.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on October 16, 2010 at 3:24pm

Hmm, well that happened to me awhile ago. I think I could see in the mirror or feel in my hands that it was broken. Something like that. Do you have one? Some people don't, or it stretched and broke without them noticing.