“Nonviolent Communication” Excerpts and Notes:

Author: Marshall B Rosenberg

                        Expressing Honestly              Receiving Empathically

1.  Observing       When I see …                      When you see …

2.  Feeling           I feel …                              I sense you feel …

3.  Needing         Because I need … ...             Because you need …

4.  Requesting     Would you be willing to …       Would you like …

Differentiate between what we:

Observe        When I see/hear …                    description of events (not evaluation)

Feel              I feel …                                   refer to feelings lists

Need             because I need/want/value …     refer to needs list

Request         Are you willing to …                   what action you want

Think             I think …                                 thoughts you have - opinions / ideas

Observing:

•  What we are - Seeing - Hearing - Touching

•  That is – Affecting our Well-Being

•  Specific to Time and Context

Make Requests that acknowledge:

•  Autonomy

•  Interdependence

•  Responsibility for our own feelings, thoughts, needs and actions

•  Awareness that our own well-being and that of others are one and the same

Receiving Empathically:

Empty my mind and listening with my whole being

We only hear and reflect what others are –

1.         observing

2.         feeling

3.         needing

4.         requesting

Reflect back messages that are emotionally charged

“So you would like to die”

Maintaining Empathy:

We know a speaker has received adequate empathy when:

1.         we sense a release of tension; or

2.         the flow of words comes to a halt

"When asking for information, first express our own feelings and needs"