When I came out to my family, it wasn't anything I didn't expect. It was still kinda sad in some respects though.
It seemed only months before did I buy a book on Satan, and how he worked to make us all non-believers. And to your surprise, I was on the agreeing end of this spectrum. To quote this book directly, "One of Satans greatest accomplishments, is convincing people that he doesn't exist".
Ah man... I have to blush a little when I think back to my fervent agreement on that diamond.
In anycase, it was mainly my father who over reacted. He cried, cause he felt like he failed as a parent.
It started when I was 13.
I had recently broken up with a someone very manipulative and whiny, who had sexuality issues as well. Teehee...ah man I need to start a blog one day. Anyway, this resulted in numerous affairs (on their end), lies (on their end), and other public embarrasment...on my end. I ended up leaving them, discouraged in my search for a companionship, and at that time, I needed a clutch more than anything.
And if that Clutch died on a wooden plank to sacrifice himself, to himself, for all of mankind, so be it.
I got maybe two books, started entering into debates on youtube, studied what I knew of the bible (heh). I was, and am a critical person. I felt, and still feel your theories should stand up to par with anything on the wide panel of belief systems, and when they arn't making sense, or not as concrete as they could be, or have holes in them, well you should break that fucker down, and start building again, cause anything besides this constant form of evolution was/is unacceptable, and leads to a thesis-of-interest instead of logic, thus treading into delusion.
Still 13 in this mindset by the way. Yeah, I was a catch wasn't I? To bad no one else thought so. Ah well.
So here is the panel, and I am the crooked structure, getting stared at and scrutinized by the masses. I chose it though. Eventually, as you logical people reading would have guessed, I ran into a few... inaccuracies... things that didn't- well would a loving god really burn the priest whore daughter to a stake? Shrivel up the breast of women, and basically give them an abortion as well? Condone rape and murder? Have an entire town get to gether and stone people? Condone Slavery?
It was a bit of a slap in the face for me. I felt like... like the being I recognized as god...who heard me in my agonies... who cared... had betrayed me.
And I tried my hardest not to recognize it as the myth it was.
I still have long passages of my own delusion in debates on my old youtube account. I feel a little sick when I think of all the things I let go validated...cause it was in God's name... somethings we just "won't understand"... "God had his reasons"...
Teehee, that one.
So after months of debating with my father, and eldest brother...
Father: "So your saying God has to be perfect?
Me: "Uh... yes? He, is omnipotent, and omnicient...that would imply he can't make mistakes"
Father: "Ah, but what if he's just like you, a teenager somewhere else, playing sims?"
Me: "Then why do I need to be in subjagation to them, if they are merely another humanoid, like me?"
...I came to a more firm position in Agnosticism.
He wouldn't answer that last one by the way, and is unable to today. Only that I should be thankful to a creator, because it was illogical to think we could exist without an intelligent creator. I'm greatful for all I have, and At the time I agreed with his sentiment.
But through...meditation, silence, and allowing myself to access the world around me... I found ways to account for everything, and I feel the Universe far more beautiful now, then when I was an Agnostic, or Christian, and I feel I have substantial bases for all my theories. But that's a different thread, different time, and I understand I could be wrong, dun worry, no fundie here.
But basically, I have new ideals now, and my father was content of that. And then I told him I was an Athiest. Banana shit he went.
"Your not an Athiest."
"... Your not a christian."
"Don't play with me Skye. You just said a few months back you were Agnostic."
"My philosophies have changed."
"I think you just don't want to be subjagation to anything,"
Needless to say, my sarcastic way of debating in person doesn't help my father cope, but he should have known I wasn't gonna roll over for him.
"How can you not believe there is not a mind behind the Universe?"
"How could you have the audacity to believe there is -_-?"
"Skye. That's kinda silly, everything around you had to be made by someone. I mean Skye, how much can you theorize, before you look at things for what they are. I mean all I know is this...what I know. Reality. Your thesis doesn't pair up with Reality."
I was officially done when we got here.
Because I don't show much emotion, I didn't laugh, but I couldn't help but smirk softly.
"So tell me dad, what Basilisk have you spoken to lately?"
It goes on. But basically, He's still not use to it. I believe in the law of attraction, which is the largest reason a God, in my personal thesis, is not neccecary. After studying the law of attraction, it seems almost redundant for a God to exist. After showing my mother, and both of us being disturbingly like minded, she doubts the bible, and God as well.
I can here it when she speaks.
"Lord, universe, Jesus, I don't really know anymore Skye..."
I hope she comes to logic, but I don't push anyone into anything intentionally. When she's ready, she'll be ready I guess. I just let her know that she's my mom either way.
If you were wondering, I'm no longer 13, it's been a few years, and I continue to evolve mentally I'm happy to say. Still a minor, and a few ways till I am not, but I love my family. Irregaurdless my fathers fervence that I am not thinking logically, he respects that I was not afraid to question the bible, and grow. He himself is a moderate believer (teehee).
Other ignorant inspiring quotes;
"Your throwing a temper tantrum against God"
"You just don't want to follow rules"
"You can't throw the baby out with the bathwater."
Which means,just cause you don't like some parts, doesn't mean you should ignore the whole thing. Concerning my rejection of the Bible. To which my response is;
"The baby, and the bath water are two seperate entities. This... is more like just the bathwater. You can't only drain the dirty parts, filled with infant piss, and fecal matter...it's infeasile...and silly. And desperate"
Teehee...He didn't like that one.
Anyways, to be honest, I'm still coming out. He's in denial that I'm an Athiest, and draws as many equations to my belief system and his as possible. An expected coping method, still saddening.
I guess some of his hostility could also come from my current state of Pansexuality, but he's already said he'd love me either way, and he loves me even though I am an Athiest...just dramatically disagrees.
sigh... this was really long. Thanks for reading I guess. I don't really know if this helps, but irreguardless weather your family still cares afterwards, or if they care now. Irreguardless weather you believe in life after death, or not... You only have one life here on earth...
So Why the fuck should you conform to someone elses during it?
That is all. Teehee.
*enter badass outro music*
That was a lot but I am happy you are finding yourself in a sense. Being able to think critically and think for yourself is one fantastic part of life. This is something for which I truly pity believers as they cannot enjoy such wonderfulness.
Keep questioning and keep thinking, but most of all enjoy yourself. :)
P.S. The World Is Not Enough was a nice touch.
Lol, it was, but when I get in the mood to write, it's hard to stop. Avid reader, avid writer, what can I say.
Yeah. I think there's a humbling quality, to enjoy the beauty in the Universe, without the mention or need for a creator. I also think it's nice when you can enjoy the very definition of 'human', knowing man. Our ability to calculate, and ponder what surrounds us, and evolve mentally once we are found to be wrong in our assumptions is an awesome thing. From this stance, it truly is saddening they cannot, by nature of their beliefs, evolve to this level of critical thinking. Unless they spend their whole lives trying to explain numerous inaccuracies, and enigma's in their life, in order to validate an obsolete set of convictions.
Thankyou, and I can promise you, for as long as I live, I'm always going to wonder, so I will always be in question, always be thinking, and through that set of actions, will always enjoy myself.
Thanks, can't do anything without Garbage..hmm I see I spelled 'Whether' incorrectly... and many other things. Oh well, live long and prosper. :)