lets see if the "end of the world" will come , HAHA.......
you: oh jesus! where are u ? u was supossed to appear today... after u rest 7000 years sleeping...the bible, that was writed by humans,said that, and i will believe it! no matter if i die and i dont go to heaven, and i just spent my hole life on something that doesnt exist! BUÁÁÁÁ!!!!!!
At work, I haven't had to talk about hell because I'm not paid to do that so I don't and I don't deal with people who do. On coffee breaks I've had religious discussions but they're very civil.
Once I had a angry customer growl at me she was praying for patience, so I yelled at her to call back later. I shouldn't have gotten so angry because it's unprofessional but I was having a lot of problems with work and home and I lost my temper but I've moved on.
On the internet my replies are usually pretty short, I don't care for long discussions anymore. Basically I tell them,
Hell isn't a place, it's a state of mind. Heaven & Hell, people like Jesus and Satan are symbols and they represent ideas and it is childish to suggest they are magically going to appear and do things.
I ask them not to act like they are doing me a big favor and that if they want money they should get a job and not try to guilt people into paying them to get them for forgiveness for whatever, unless I've actually wronged them which falls under secular law.
If they insist on bringing up god, I keep stating there is no god. This can get repetitive. Sometimes I'll call god, "your invisible friend"
If they insist on quoting the Bible, I may resort to quoting Star Trek, Harry Potter, or Star Wars etc.
If they throw the insults, sometimes I insult them back. if I'm feeling lazy, I'll use playground insults.
internetguy001: you're a loser
me: you're a loser times infinity
internetguy001: you're a dumbass
me: you're a stupidhead
However after a while of this, I just think I don't have time for this and try to do something more productive. haha
An alternative to trading ad hominems is to mock theirs:
He: You atheists are idiots.
Me: Ooooo, "idiots!" Ouch, that really hurt ... NOT!
That must be the best summary of 'what-to-do-with-idiotic-religious-people-who-insult-you/try-to-convert-you' that I've ever read in my life. Very thorough ha ha ha.
I think I'll keep your advice, "seasoning" it a little bit ("à la Solal" as we say in France), ...
and I'll just call them "Big doo-doo heads !!" on and on and on ...!
Cheers for the lulz !
Theist: "You're going to hell you atheist scum!"
Me: Winks "See you there." or "At least there will be interesting conversation there." Then I remove myself from the situation as it's already hostile.