Hi everyone! I'm new to this site so be kind to the noob. :)


Here's the situation...


I've gotten alot of comments from my friends about the type of guy I should be looking for now that I've recently become single. They all think I should be putting religion aside and finding someone I can have the life I want with. Its as if them being religious is something I have to learn to ignore just because I actually do wanna get married and have somewhat of a steady, normal life.

But its just soooo important to me, more than I would llike to admit that whoever I spend the rest of my life with is as athiest as I am, if not more...somehow.

If I'm sitting at a bar talking to a tall blonde with perfect hair and a smile that could bring a puppy to life and later find out he's christrian, I immediately want nothing more to do with him. Just the thought of having to love something so closely knit to something I hate is almost nauseating.


Alot of my friends and family think its irrational and almost offensive. Is it really?

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What about children?
No....you're not irrational. Stick to your guns, Caitlin.
I've been married for 15 years. It hasn't always been easy, it's work. In my opinion what has worked for my wife and I is that we have a shared vision for the future (and I have a high pain tolerance... that's supposed to be a joke).

A shared vision means a close similarity of world views. I am an Atheist and she officially is an Agnostic (she is close to calling herself an Atheist). We are raising our children as Atheists. Relationships are hard enough and having a big difference in world views (like Theism vs Atheism) makes is even harder.

Good luck,


The ideal response to the nosey is... "We became married to each other when we fell in love! Unlike many couples, we don't require the approval of priest-child molesters or judge-tax-extortionist/kidnappers ... to condone our marriage, our love, or our relationship!"
You have to ultimately do what's best for you and your child! Your choice, no one elses. And for the simple reason that YOU have to live and share a life with that person! I hope that your friends and family are just trying to help (in their own way) and that they aren't just being obnoxious and rude about your preferences.
Not harsh at all. There are actually web support groups out there for christians who have been "unequally yoked" in marriage to an unbeliever. Many of them entered into these unions thinking that they could pray away the other persons non-belief and look for support in their religious community for ideas to help convert their spouses.

Also I have enough trouble trying to raise freethinking kids with an atheist partner in a world with so much religious influence. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be if I didn't have his support in that endeavor!
I think it's a personal thing. If you can't respect their beliefs, you'll probably grate on one another until you slowly go mad. I don't think it's an end-all for me though, because there may be more middle ground than I think (many men are inactive or apathetic). If you can't compromise, however, you shouldn't have to. It sounds like one of your highest priorities.
I'd have said you were being realistic. Someone's set of beliefs is a massive part of who they are and sooner or later, if you are in a serious relationship issues are going to crop up. Speaking as someone who was bought up Roman Catholic, I find it extremely hard to stomach the unrelenting belief that a lot of practising Christians have that they know the truth and are right. If you hold a different viewpoint then you are wrong even if yours is based on logic and hard scientific facts.
It is not irrational and/or offensive. Why should you hide something that you are, in the attempt to find someone to spend the rest of your life with? At what point would you tell them, "oh, by the way..." or if you don't tell them this, then you spend the rest of your life living the way they prefer you to, and not the way you feel is right. It doesn't have to come up at first date, unles you want it to, but you can send out feelers in conversation to see what they say about certain subjects.


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