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Would you consider this harsh?
Hi everyone! I'm new to this site so be kind to the noob. :)
Here's the situation...
I've gotten alot of comments from my friends about the type of guy I should be looking for now that I've recently become single. They all think I should be putting religion aside and finding someone I can have the life I want with. Its as if them being religious is something I have to learn to ignore just because I actually do wanna get married and have somewhat of a steady, normal life.
But its just soooo important to me, more than I would llike to admit that whoever I spend the rest of my life with is as athiest as I am, if not more...somehow.
If I'm sitting at a bar talking to a tall blonde with perfect hair and a smile that could bring a puppy to life and later find out he's christrian, I immediately want nothing more to do with him. Just the thought of having to love something so closely knit to something I hate is almost nauseating.
Alot of my friends and family think its irrational and almost offensive. Is it really?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tru Hepburn on -
I have to watch everything I say. I have to hide my beliefs and keep my thoughts to myself, for risk of losing people I care about. I don't think you're being harsh... I think you're smart.
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Permalink Reply by Goz on -
I also think you are smart. ...I have an xtain friend who went through a divorce...She selected someone to remarry as religious as she was and rejected a wonderfully intelligent,articulate atheist.
Is that harsh?
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Permalink Reply by Cecilia on -
It is so important to the success of a marriage that you and your spouse share similar values - you don't have to be clones but you need common ground. And it becomes even more important when you have kids. Marriages that may be going along well can go off-track once kids come along and there is disagreement over which, whether, how much, etc religious instruction to give them. And when the conflict is between atheism and theism it pretty close to irreconcilable. So, there is nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with a fellow atheist. The point of marriage is to be happy and compatible, after all. On the other hand there are degrees of religiosity. If the guy mentions that he was visiting his parents and went to church with them on Easter you don't need to assume he is a serious Christian. But if you meet someone who is in your face from the start about his religion well, he is not for you. Good luck.
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Permalink Reply by Rusty Gunn. on -
You need to find something to say that'll put off these busybodies who think unsolicited advise about your love life is welcome. Something along the lines of, "I'm not really in a big hurry to rush into another relationship right now" might do the trick.
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Permalink Reply by Rusty Gunn. on
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And following that up with a two or three year hiatus might just be the thing to do, how's that for more unsolicited advice!
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Permalink Reply by Sonny Mobley on -
Bravo, my friend. Hehe.
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Permalink Reply by Carrot Hare on -
Thanks guys, I knew I wasn't being irrational. Religion is such an issue for me but other than that I'm pretty open about who I date. I'm an extremely accepting person to everyone when it comes to EVERYTHING else. I'll even admit I pick my nose when i'm by myself if that'll get across how extremely accepting I am :) That and I find embarassing myself amusing sometimes.
And yeah the whole having kids thing is something I've definitely thought about numerous times. I grew up with an athiest mom and a step dad who was christian...or catholic, i can't tell the difference. And I was confused for a long time about what I should be. I was about 12 before I finally sat down and put some thought into what I wanted to believe.
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Permalink Reply by Cecilia on
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Here is the real test: would you be okay with a guy who picked his nose in public? ;D For me that would be a deal breaker and, as Rhett says, we all have them.
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Permalink Reply by Gecko, Seth...brother of Richie! on -
I fall in with the consensus. You are being rational. Something many are not to acquainted with. This is one of the most important parts of you and your life. If or when you have children it will become an over riding issue between you and your spouse. Besides we have better sex lives ;-)
good job!
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Permalink Reply by Carrot Hare on
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Agreed lmao
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Permalink Reply by Vicky Borman on -
Being upfront and honest about what you want in a partner is not a bad thing. Nitpicking about a potential spouse would be saying you wouldn't date somebody who wasn't at least 6'3'', had brown eyes, and liked Enya.
There are plenty of theists who don't date outside of their particular sect of religion. I know I would find it hard to date somebody who thinks I'm going to burn in a lake of fire for all eternity. I also tend to make fun of religion/god, and I don't think a theistic spouse would appreciate that. In fact I would argue that not getting into a relationship with a theist would also be in their best interests.
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Permalink Reply by Carrot Hare on
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That's basically the way I see it cause I too will enjoy a good joke at the expense of religion and frankly, i hate the idea of watching everything i say for the rest of my life.
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