Why do we marry?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dani on March 30, 2009 at 5:40am

I really liked reading your response it's simple but interesting and funny, it's good! I totally understand the pretty dress thing! If I were to follow my heart I'd be somewhere designing gowns for someone/company but for other reasons Ive chosen a more stable career path...so I do understand that :)
And Im happy you mentioned arranged marriages, I was sure I was leaving something out but couldnt put a finger on it last night. So, Yes, definetely there's something to be said about arranged marriages...I guess the most obvious is that they are not initiated by the lust factor and going into it I'd think the individuals must possess certain qualities that make for a lasting marriage, whether they are happy/healthy I guess thats arguable.
And the symbolism makes sense to me too, I can understand how that would be appealing.
Also I understand why you wouldnt be involved in a poly-type marriage but are you opposed? Do you think our laws as they are are justified or should poly marriages be allowed for consenting adults?

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Permalink Reply by Buffy on March 30, 2009 at 4:23pm

I also love pretty dresses and had a lovely ivory satin number for my wedding. But it was decidedly uncomfortable and not at all functional . If all I wanted to do was stand still I would have been fine. But when it came to moving or sitting--forget it. For walking I had to hold the train and petticoats (about 2,000 layers) so they wouldn't trip me. Dancing was out of the question. Sitting meant I had to have a pillow behind my back to prop me up as the corset thingy underneath (required to properly fit the dress) simply wouldn't allow me to sit up straight.

I adore girly clothes but I wish they were more practical.

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Permalink Reply by Buffy on March 30, 2009 at 7:39pm

During the wedding I was actually wondering to myself how women lived day-to-day in clothing and undergarments like that. Of course most of the ones who actually wore that sort of thing routinely had servants and never actually did anything for themselves (including dress themselves). But clothing that's that restrictive is simply impossible. (I forgot to mention above how I would slide off any seat that didn't have traction, such as the polished wooden outdoor benches, unless I used my feet to force my body to stay on it. ) Pretty and fun, yes. Practical, no.

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Permalink Reply by FreeThinker on March 30, 2009 at 5:36am

Won't somebody please think of the children?!? :D Seriously though, I agree that, legal benefits aside, there is no reason to get married other than the stigma that society has placed on not being married (but that's another religious value being placed on society at large).

Given the divorce rate, I think any commitment or loyalty that is pledged at the time of marriage is suspect anyway. Both of my parents were twice divorced and this has made me somewhat apprehensive about getting married myself, though I probably will someday.

I do think there are advantages to making a commitment to the relationship (lower risk of STDs, having someone there to take care of you in sickness, etc.), however, none of these benefits require marriage.

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Permalink Reply by Dani on March 30, 2009 at 5:56am

Thanks for the response! My ideas about people bringing children into this world may be somewhat restrictive because I believe there should be guidelines/requirements met to do so, so I wont even get into that :)
But you do raise a point that in committed relationships there may be lower risks of contracting STDs and there's the security that someone will be there for you in sickness (I'd like to see some statistics for that because I know of many contrasting stories unfortunately!) and you also make the point that you dont even need marriage to have that type of security...so maybe the idea that marriage will be a safeguard against those types of things is what's really appealing?
I dont think marriage is the culprit, it seems to me that people's lack of honesty initially and throughout always seems to bite them in the ass and the inability to take/observe what's being said/done and follow through with the best reaction.

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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on March 30, 2009 at 10:06am

I'm in the middle of a divorce, and it's more trouble than it's worth, especially since I've moved out of the state I filed in, and I still have to travel back a few more times to finish the job. The one thing marriage did good was provide easy access to medical coverage for both of us, and also a lot of extra money in tax returns. Really, it's a business measure to take as much as a social one. People will end up spending extra money to stay unmarried.

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Permalink Reply by Dani on March 30, 2009 at 12:34pm

I agree it's a business that both parties can benefit from, that's definetely an advantage!

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Permalink Reply by Dawn K on March 30, 2009 at 11:31am

I think there's some validity for the symbolism of joining two people, two families together. If nothing else it's a good reason for a party. But the legal aspects are the primary reason to be married IMO.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about group marriages. In theory I really don't have a problem with it. I'm skeptical though because my knowledge of polygamy is limited to FDLS or cults that force it (literally or through brainwashing), where the unions clearly are not an equal partnership. From a legal standpoint I can't be against it. To arranged marriages I say to each his own. I couldn't deal with that personally, but if someone else can then great. As long as they aren't being forced into it of course.

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Permalink Reply by Brian on March 30, 2009 at 12:14pm

I've spent some time on this one and here's what I came up with:

First, it would be very important for me to not be married under any sort of god. I wouldn't want my wedding to feel like a sham.
Second, marriage is a life experience that your family, friends, and you and your love one (as a couple) celebrate your love for each other :)

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Permalink Reply by Buffy on March 30, 2009 at 4:16pm

The rights, privileges and responsibilities are incredibly significant of course. People like myself wouldn't fight tooth and nail for them if they weren't. But there's also an emotional significance to knowing you've made a legal, personal lifelong commitment to another person. To me, that's what the so-called "sanctity of marriage" is about--not some garbage about having your imaginary friend bless your union, what your genitals look like, how you divide labor in your marriage, how much you spawn/if you spawn at all, etc. (Sorry, I'm worn out from so much anti-gay propaganda).

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Permalink Reply by Dani on March 30, 2009 at 10:51pm

Im worn out about the anti-gay stuff too, which is why I didnt mention it. I assumed most if not everyone here is level headed enough to not spew that garbage but didnt want the topic to turn into that just in case...I checked out your profile and see that you are from/live in California, so if you dont mind me asking :) How does the prop 8 decision effect your marriage now or does it not effect those already wedded?

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Permalink Reply by Lori Gilliland on July 23, 2009 at 10:03am

Buffy hit the nail on the head, Marriage is about rights, privileges and responsibilities. Marriage is a social contract between two people. Being married myself, it is important for my husband and I to remember what being married means. If one cannot and does not want to live by the rules of what really holds a marriage together than they should not marry. I'm not talking about the traditional rules of marriage, such as the woman staying barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I am talking about mutual respect within a domestic partnership. Recently I had to "talk' to my husband about our marriage. I told him I needed a husband more than a handyman/boyfriend. He has been spending more and more away doing things by himself to the point it was as if I was a single mom. We have two kids and felt I needed to remind him he was a father and a husband, not just Jason. He agreed. I had to remind him that he is part of a family, whom he does love but just got too busy living his own life. Marriage is not easy; I think that is why so many don't work out. Very few people seem to be able to compromise and make the necessary sacrifices to make it successful. A happy marriage is between two people who love each other even if sometimes they don't like each other some of the time.

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