So my mother used to be a nun and she did one of the greatest things by adopting me out of communist Romania. I am indebted to her for that. The issue I have though is I am atheist. I cannot bear to tell her that about 3 years after she adopted me (I was 8 when she adopted me, so I was 11 when I realized there was no God) I became an atheist. I kept going to church to appease her, plus I was also scared she would send me back. I didn't know that she couldn't send me back so I kept going along with the charade. I felt comfortable going to church only if my dad went because I knew he was an atheist as well. My dad never did the motions in church or said any of the prayers. He usually just sat there. About 3 years ago my dad started sending me books about questioning religion. I think he realized I was an atheist too. We have had private discussions about it. He told me not to tell my mother as it would probably break her heart, or could make her angry enough to disown me. I am in a position where I found the job I have always wanted. The pay is not as good in the beginning, but it increases in time. The problem is I live with my mom currently until I can get caught up on my college loans. That is like 2 years away. I am so fed up with having to go to church and going through the motions. I am sick of having to listen to a priest tell me in his sermon how hard it is to believe the bible, but when you have faith anything is possible, which is absurd in the first place.
I started telling my mom that I would like to go to a different church. She said it was fine with her. So on Sundays I would pretend to go the the noon mass at a church 20 minutes away. That gave me about 2 hours to play hookie. I would go to bars and watch sports or go hang out with friends during that time. I would bring home the bulletin to prove that I went and all was well. Then my sister followed me one day to the church. I saw her following me from afar, so I had to stay that day. Now even my own sister is following me making sure I go to church. How can I honestly keep this up? I have to because I can't bear to do something to the woman who got me out of the worst situation a child could face, being an orphan in a communist country. Maybe when my financial situation clears up I will tell her. I assume she will take me off of her will, but that's not important. I don't know what to do.