Why are you single?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ida on September 5, 2009 at 4:01pm

I'm single, because I'm shy and I'm not a person that needs to be around someone to be happy. Which is why I'm not in much of a hurry to enter the dating game. I've grown used to being alone (loner), but it sure would be nice to be in a relationship. My parents have noticed how I isolate myself from my family and they think I don't care if they are there or not. Thing is, I do care about them, but I'd rather be alone. My mother told me she's a loner (or was), so maybe it's hereditary.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on September 9, 2009 at 5:08pm

I'm about the same way, actually. I'm mostly indifferent or disliking of the idea of a relationship, as far as my reason goes. But biologically, I really have that need for companionship for no good reason.

Just wish I could find someone who wanted to be alone together, haha.

Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on September 5, 2009 at 9:29pm

I was on plentyoffish.com for a while, but had no luck at all. Couldn't hardly even find anyone to carry on a conversation with, but then again, I think gay guys tend to be a lot more superficial. Even some of the really accomplished, intelligent men were surprising shallow.

Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on September 6, 2009 at 3:50pm

...but you may be to much for some guys to handle.

Hehe, I'd love to think of myself as too much to handle! ROFLMAO!

...you don't appear to be a happy person.

I do have a dark side that I am not afraid to embrace, but I see people as being both light and dark. I am often extremely melancholy due to isolation, mundane problems (money, job), and the amount of awfulness in the world (such as genocide, social injustice, discrimination, etc), and they all really get to me sometimes. But I think it is better to be bothered by them than to be indifferent to those things. However, there are other times when I am actually quite happy, and just full of energy and enthusiasm. When I meet people, I am usually quite friendly with them, and I try to be interested in them and get them to talk about themselves (which can be hard to do at times). My problem with gay men is that they don't know anything outside of pop culture for the most part.

BTW, when I was on plentyoffish.com, I left all that dark stuff out of my bio. Didn't even bring it up. Go figure.

Permalink Reply by Karrick on December 11, 2009 at 11:51pm

"Couldn't hardly even find anyone to carry on a conversation with"

Sadly, this is all too common an accusation against men both here and elsewhere. It also just so happens to be a truism. Too bad POF doesn't have a metric for talkative. LOL! Their only reference to intellect is degree of education, and that's an imprecise measurement of an individual's intelligence, or desire to share with others.

Permalink Reply by Trance Gemini on September 6, 2009 at 6:25am

I was doing online dating for a while as well. I didn't really meet anyone I was compatible with either.

There are however some atheist sites for singles. The one I tried I only got one response and he was too far away.

FreeThinker Match

However, here are some of the newer ones, most of which I haven't tried and can't vouch for but perhaps you could try them and start a thread reviewing them ;-).

I had trouble setting up an account on Atheist Passions (it kept getting deleted) and they wouldn't respond to my emails so I finally gave up. That was two years ago though so maybe they've fixed the problem.

Atheist Passions

The following is new and it looks like some of the main stream sites are starting to create Atheist "sections" which is interesting :-).

Yahoo Personals

The following lists a few other sites.
A Greater Date

I don't know which are free and which aren't.

Freethinkers used to be free but I just checked and it looks they've really upgraded the site quite nicely. Most features are still free except for video uploads and the forums for which there's a minimal charge.

Have fun!

Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on September 8, 2009 at 6:55pm

I because I am such a cynic and misanthrope it seems like I have become so disconnected with the human race.

I have felt that way so many times. I say I have a love/hate relationship with the human race. Humans can be annoying and frustrating.

Permalink Reply by Mel Futrell on September 16, 2009 at 12:59pm

Well, the intro to this group says, "Are you single and looking? Then join!" I almost didn't join, because I'm single, but I'm not looking. More accurately, I'm single and open to meeting someone, but I'm not actively looking. First of all, I wouldn't begin to know what to look for, and secondly, I really don't have the time or energy to go looking for anything.

Mostly, I'm single by design. (Note, I say design, not necessarily by choice). I've been focused on very demanding academic pursuits for the past 7 years, and was in a relationship during the first couple of those years (it was the tail-end of a 7-year relationship). Since that didn't endure, I haven't really wanted to get into anything "heavy" that might distract me from completing this Ph.D., or from making appropriate decisions along the way. Accordingly, for the past three or four years, I've taken advantage of some fantastic opportunities based solely on how it will benefit me and my academic career, and I have not been at home for longer than five weeks straight, or any place more than 10 consecutive weeks. It's quite difficult to maintain a relationship under those circumstances, let alone begin one. I've dated a few people at various levels of regularity, but have always been very adamant about not getting too serious. As a woman, you'd think most guys would be thrilled with that, but actually, I've found men to be surprisingly uncomfortable with the woman being noncommittal.

I'm not a huge monogamist, so that can be an issue. That's not to say I'm just a philanderer in any relationship -- I've actually never formally "cheated". I would just prefer a relationship be based on honesty, and like to leave things open to go where they will -- or won't. I do have a couple of random and sporadic "things" going with a couple of people -- when able (read: once or twice a year, when in the same city, etc.) -- and though none of those really show any promise of developing into something earth-shattering, I don't think I'd be willing to just give them up simply because I meet someone new with "potential". Nor would I want anyone to give anything up just because they are getting involved with me. If that new potential is realized and is fulfilling in certain respects, extra-curricular activities (so-to-speak) will fade off naturally; not because some relationship prescription dictates that they do. If new opportunities/temptations arise, I'd prefer to know about it to someone skulking about behind my back. I'd do the same courtesy. And I'm not a 0 on the Kinsey scale, so that can be surprisingly threatening to many men, as well.

I'm also remarkably particular. I take EXCELLENT care of myself: workout regularly, eat ridiculously healthy, etc., and really do need someone to be at least in as good of shape and physically attractive to me. I definitely need to be around someone who is a critical thinker, with the intelligence to handle deep conversations and challenge my thinking from time to time. Positive attitude and a lot of energy, as well, are musts. And someone who has and attends their own passions in life. I don't want to complete (or carry) anyone.

I really don't care about anything arbitrary, however -- like religion, as long as they don't try to indoctrinate me. I don't have any ethnic or cultural hang-ups or preferences. Age is not an issue -- just as long as they're over 21 (call me cougar, if you will -- but I'm only 37), and young enough to be attractive to me (my ex- is 50 and still quite gorgeous). Education and income levels are COMPLETELY irrelevant, but I've found men have their comfort zones with this as well, i.e...

I'm too self-sufficient and independent. I own my own house and intend to keep it. I'm highly educated, which seems to be more of a liability in the dating world than an asset. I'm very mechanically inclined, and like to do things myself, or as a partner, but I don't want them done for me. I'm not much for hair and makeup and shopping (really, I'd rather have a root-canal) and jewelry and flowers, etc. I think a lot of men don't really know what to do with me/for me.

I have zero tolerance for drama. Not only do I get more set in my ways, the older I get, but the more baggage everyone else seems to come with. I don't want to have to deal with or answer for anyone's prior relationship experiences. And, compromise takes time. A lot of time. I really think it's necessary to be in the right space in your life to even recognize, let alone allow, the right situation to unfold.

Now, I will be done being away from home for such long periods of time, by summer of 2010. I intend to settle down and look forward to establishing some routine in my life! I will actually get to live, full time, in that home that I bought 3 years ago, but haven't stayed in for more than five weeks straight. And, I'd be lying if I said the idea of sharing that stability with someone wasn't immensely appealing. So, I'm trying to open up a lot more to the idea of a more serious relationship, and make myself available to it, as my life permits. Ingrained habits die hard, however, and it's going to be a challenge after six or seven years of deliberate relationship avoidance...

Oh, yeah -- and I tend to be a little wordy... ;-)

Permalink Reply by Mike on September 24, 2009 at 12:29pm

Single...Why?! Because I am just too fantastic...or is it my ego?

I mainly single because of late I've moved around a lot being in the military. The military university I attended for four years is not the place to meet girls. I was really thrown off asking girls out after a cruel trick was played on me where I was told a girl liked me, I proceeded to ask her out and was subsequently embarrassed publically. I didn't go on a date for 4 years and that was when I was really just starting to ask girls out. Now, I'm in a new city and just have the worst luck. However, I'm still fantastic or as Lady Fu off of secular chat would say, "exhausting".

Permalink Reply by Humanist Mark on September 25, 2009 at 6:09pm

Mike,

I have to say that I looved your response. "I am just too fantastic" is priceless. I think I'm going to use that as my reason from now on. LOL

On another note though, have patience my friend. The right girl will be knocking on your door when you least expect it. I had one of those moments recently at a Burger King, for goodness sake. I say that because a Burger King is the last place on earth you'd ever expect to see a vegan, which I am.

Anyway, I was sitting in my car looking at a map and this adorable woman who was parked next to me started a conversation. We must have chatted for a good ten minutes and after she left I kicked myself for not asking for her phone number or offering mine. Such is life but don't let one of those "moments" go by. If a girl shows the slightest bit of interest in you and you don't want to ask her for her phone number then offer yours!

Permalink Reply by Sonny Mobley on September 24, 2009 at 12:38pm

I can't meet any non-theist women who fit my meager criteria. I'm not exactly sex-deprived or anything - that's not a problem and probably never will be - but I just can't meet any intelligent, non-theist girls whom I find attractive and want to date. At least not locally. Damn you Louisiana! Damn you!

On a side note I am in the midst of a continuing dialogue with an 18-year-old girl whom I simply adore and am slowly leading (hopefully) away from theistic belief.

Permalink Reply by Humanist Mark on September 25, 2009 at 5:58pm

Well, I'm single because it's hard to find someone like me. I belong to a Jewish Humanistic Congregation but am the only vegan that is a part of this group. Not only am I vegan, but a raw vegan, which freaks a lot of people out. I was divorced from my wife many, many years ago and have dated on and off but have not found anyone that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. That combined with all of my activities leaves little time for romance. I'm an actor, writer, didg player, naf player (that's native american flute), drums, ventriloquist and about to go off to film school. Still, I haven't given up hope. I plan on adopting children in the next year, which will make me even less desirable except to those that truly want a commitment with a crazy, zany, vegan, humanist Jew.

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