This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

Views: 2139

Replies to This Discussion

Shhannon,

Thanks for the heads up about "spiritual but not religious". I considered dating people like that because I've had such a hard time finding a childfree atheist in my area. Being in my thirties has made it difficult to find a childfree man alone. Who knew there were so many baby crazy men?

DO NOT DATE THEM. Seriously. It is, in many ways, even more twisted than the church goers. A lot of apologizing, rationalizing, internally struggling hypocrites. That's all it is.

Michael OL,
You sound like an intelligent, charming, and well-spoken man, Why ARE you single?
Harridan20

I'm single for the same reason that most of us on this sub-forum are single: we are interested in a small and elusive subset of the population, and lack the charisma, the drive and the resources to pursue our ends with the requisite intensity.  

But I wasn't always single.  For 8 years I was happily married, until my wife suddenly left me last summer, because she developed an uncontrollable and unalterable desire to have a child.

While I do remain optimistic of finding a partner eventually, I'm also realistic: it's going to be a long, frustrating and unnerving struggle.

Charisma is truly a double-edged trait. Viewed as a quality by most, I view charisma as a force for untruths, charisma is the number one trait which determines a successful preacher.

Charisma is not the temerity to open one's mouth in public, but the capacity to influence others without their even realizing that they are being influenced.  Successful dating really is much like successful preaching.  The preacher sells a doctrine, the dater sells himself.  Is it crass manipulation?  It can be, if wielded with malicious intent.  But even if the intent is honorable, deferential and decent, the means of delivery has something louche about it.  The point, therefore, is that even if the deed is good, the method must occasionally partake of the Machiavellian.  "Nice guys finish last" not because they are nice, but because they limit themselves to nice means, in pursuit of nice ends.

Michael OL,
I've always thought dating was like selling yourself. It's almost like you need a portfolio and references before you are even considered a candidate.

Michael OL,
It's strange how people change people change some of their core values over the years. I understand that we change our personalities over the years however your core non-belief or belief system usually remains the same.
Myself, I find it hard to be optimistic at this stage of the dating game. I'm more cynical and realistic than I used to be.

Shannon,

That's the crux of religion, it builds a sense of togetherness and an uniformity that comforts people. It's like the Thinking Atheist says "Religion is easy. When you practice religion you can turn off you brain" (paraphrasing). I've met many religious people who've said to me that I need to just give my life to God so I don't have to worry anymore. One song that REALLY burns me up is Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel". She sings about a haggard single mom who is driving and her car slides on some ice. What are you suppose to do? Well, according her you're suppose to take your hands off the wheel and let God take over.

I think you are truly courageous! It's so hard being Atheist in itself. I've been experiencing a new kind of bias  because I don't want kids. I had a date this until he found out I didn't want kids. I'm the atheism had something to do with it.

Thanks for thinking I am courageous. It was  hard, sure, but it seemed the natural path. The end of that path was when I did 3 1/2 years of research into world religions, and saw what a crock it's always been. I felt bitter, lied to. I haven't trusted my family since then. Never will, most likely, considering their stance on gays. I am currently writing a book about it all.

Yeah, that Jesus takes the wheel song is nuts. I am a die hard Idol fan, but when I hear the gazillion and one contestants sing that...I am like UGH! JUST STOP.

You are right, that is what religion is. That is why I have no issue with organized atheism. I don't see it as religion- I see it as offering what people are missing when they leave religion, without the harmful BS. After all I went through, I truly believe religious indoctrination to be child abuse, particularly with regards to LGBT kids. The number they do on us is beyond brutal. Growing up gay in an environment like that is flippin' nuts. Pure torture.

If it makes you feel better, I don't want kids either. Nor do I buy into the whole "imitation heterosexual" style gay community that is put out there in an effort to gain legal equality. I understand the whole "just like them" stance in the political battle, but I also know it to be a lie. Gay life is a lot different from straight life. We spent our teenage years not exploring our dating/sexual identities like our straight counterparts, but usually enduring relentless bullying, taunts of "dyke" and "faggot," and pretending to be something we are not. As a result, our emotional development in that realm is behind that of the heterosexual community. To that end, gay life has a "forever young" feel to it, a la queer as folk, in many cases. Sure, many gay and lesbian couples want that suburban family life. However, there are those of us who want to live in gayborhoods through our 30's and even 40's, and do the club life thing. There is nothing wrong with that, and to promote the idea that it does not exist is false IMO. Necessary to achieve the goal, but false nonetheless.

I agree with your dislike of "Jesus Take the Wheel".  It reminds me of a Mormon girl I dated when I was Mormon.  She criticized me for wearing a seat-belt.  She said if I had faith in God, I wouldn't wear a seat-belt.

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