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Why are you single?

This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on June 14, 2012 at 7:39pm

Umm, that's not an explanation for why you're single. If you had a woman who wanted to have sex with you and not a relationship, you'd still be single. ^.^

Permalink Reply by Lamar Berry on June 14, 2012 at 8:31pm

Sorry, I didn't know the thread was referring to monogamous only. I consider open and "friends with benefits" relationships as well. Good point. :)

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 14, 2012 at 8:33pm

I don't think it is referring to monogamous. "friends with benefits" is just that: a friendship. It is not a relationship. You can see other people, you have no obligation to one another, etc..you just happen to have physical relations as well.

Monogamous is only one kind of relationship. There are plenty of poly/open relationships where the primary partners are just as committed.

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 14, 2012 at 7:41pm

Craigslist has plenty of skanks and hookers. They'll want money, you'll get sex.

And you'll still be single.

In other words, you are single because you choose to be single. :)

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on June 14, 2012 at 7:50pm

Eh, I wouldn't be that harsh about it. Nothing wrong with sex for the sake of sex, if that's what both parties are looking for.

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 14, 2012 at 7:54pm

Nothing wrong with it, no, I was just making the point that he'd still be single even if he did find a woman who is ok with nothing but sex.

sorry, my snark.

Permalink Reply by Lamar Berry on June 14, 2012 at 8:32pm

Not wanting monogamy doesn't equal having lower standards. But I see your point :)

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 14, 2012 at 8:40pm

LOL I know. I was being snarky/slightly sarcastic. Sometimes, I forget that that sort of tone doesn't come across well in text. ;)

I am also a lesbian feminist, if that kind of gives you an understanding of the way I speak sometimes.

Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on June 15, 2012 at 6:11am

Ok, when I was younger, I fell deeply in "true love"... repeatedly. My second wife, my dream girl from high school, broke my heart and it took me years to get over it. In the aftermath, I seem to have lost the capacity for "falling in love."

I liken the experience to any loss of innocence... Once lost, it can't be regained. You can't go back to believing in Santa.

Permalink Reply by David Philip Norris on June 15, 2012 at 8:43pm

No clue why I'm still single. I'd blame it on the fact that my flirting abilities are abysmal, but there's also the fact that it's hard enough to find love as a gay man, and even harder when you spent most of your life in the closet as an Evangelical fundamentalist Christian, which is part of the reason why I'm now an atheist (and a hardcore one at that). Some of it is the guys that I date, but aside from going to bars (which isn't my thing) the selection pool is fairly limited, especially here in Minneapolis/Saint Paul. Then there's trying to find a gay atheist, which ups the difficulty level considerably. A huge part of it though was spending most of my teen and early adult years in the closet and not dating, which is when most people figure themselves out and learn relationship-building skills. The learning curve is pretty steep at this point.

At this point I'm 29 and have only been in love once, but that ended in complete disaster and my losing a huge chunk of my community and getting my heart stomped on. Part of me thinks that that was my one and only shot in finding someone to truly connect with, but the realistic part of me says that I'm 29 and have a while to go before things get hopeless. At the same time, it's tougher to find love as a gay man once you hit 30 and beyond. Everyone seems to want a twentysomething, but then again maybe that has to do with the guys I've been dating.

Permalink Reply by Harridan20 on June 15, 2012 at 8:53pm

David,

I agree, dating in your thirties is FRUSTRATING. Finding an atheist is tough enough but a gay one in your area seems like a unicorn. I think that person is out there. Dating is a numbers game. The odds increase in your favor the more you involve yourself with things you are passionate about in life. Also, I find being around people with shared interests can offer you much needed support.

Permalink Reply by David Philip Norris on June 16, 2012 at 12:18pm

Unicorn!! EXACTLY! A rare mythological beast rumored to exist but rarely ever seen. It seems like the good ones are already taken, but there seem to be so many Christians in my area that it's a bit like trying to find the proverbial needle in the haystack. It's just bewildering that there could be any gay Christians at all. Like gay Republicans, it seems about as tenable to be either as being a Jewish Nazi. I spent 15 years listening to toxic bullshit being spewed from the pulpit about how homosexuals are disordered and broken, and how they either need to change or be celibate. But no, that's not hateful.

So yes. I've been getting more involved with MN Atheists and MN Humanists, doing volunteer work around the area, and trying to find like-minded circles. And you'd think that a guy with a background in theatre would have more luck meeting gay men, but the intellectual quality therein tends to leave a bit to be desired. Sigh.