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Which came first?

Did you become atheist first, or meet your partner first?

For me I was in a relationship w/ my Catholic husband, I was in my pagan experiment at the time (being that he was fine with paganism and even went to pagan festivals, he's a pretty open-minded Catholic). I became atheist over a year ago.

He accepts me even though I don't think he really "gets" it, and he sort of thinks I keep changing my religion. Before my pagan experiment I had spent my childhood going to UU church and celebrating a few Jewish holidays if we remembered to.

I accept him even though I also like to debate. Sometimes he's gotten defensive and then I've told him if it makes him happy to believe that God answers his prayers, etc, then I want him to be that way and I support him fully. I certainly don't want him to just go along with whatever I say! And since I have been the one to change my views over the years, that would be a silly thing to expect.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by L.Hunter on October 21, 2010 at 9:17am

Hey Chuck,
What do you do for a living in Kuwait. I have a friend who is on his way there for some job working at security check points. He's a christian and I wonder if he knows what he is getting himself into. Just to satisfy my curiosity, how do those in Kuwait view Americans and/or Christians. Does your wife go to mosque and encourage you to go as well? Do you think your marriage will last if you came back to the states?

Permalink Reply by The Big Blue Frog on October 21, 2010 at 9:52am

Every time I start feeling righteous indignation about how atheists are treated in America, I read one of these posts and it puts me in my place. Be safe, Chuck.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on October 21, 2010 at 6:57pm

I'm sorry to hear that. Be careful...and I hope you can find a place where you won't have to worry about things like that.

Permalink Reply by B.D. on January 2, 2011 at 1:28pm

I know how you feel my Wife is also native of a majority Muslim country and she's decided to go off the deep end with her native society.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on November 18, 2010 at 5:37pm

Reading this I'm seeing that religious disagreement does cause conflicts in a lot of relationships. It isn't as big of a deal in mine (although I was annoyed that walking through Philadelphia he wanted to stop in for service at the Archdiocese, and I really lectured him about donating money to the collection plate, which only got him annoyed and I decided to let it go cause we were having a nice outing)...but then I have other problems, like he wants to have kids and I don't!

Permalink Reply by L.Hunter on November 19, 2010 at 4:29pm

I guess it depends on how seriously the spouse takes religion and how much of a stand the other takes against it. For many it's a deal breaker and for others they could care less. My wife and I choose not to discuss it, but it eventually will and has come up. Her mom, who is a pastor, doesn't know yet. I didn't want to tell her because of the rift it will cause, but now I don't care. Why should I be concerned about what someone who believes in invisible and impossible beings thinks about me and my life decisions?
Answer: I shouldn't be concerned!!!

Permalink Reply by L.Hunter on November 30, 2010 at 10:25am

I'm raising two kids. My son doesn't believe and I'm so happy. My daughter is unsure and doesn't mind going to church. She goes with her mom and sometimes with my wife her step-mom. (my kids live with me) . I just want them to get the facts and think for themselves. I don't want them raised the way I was or follow me in what I do or do not believe. Get the facts and make up your own mind is what I think. They are both teenagers.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on November 19, 2010 at 5:01pm

My in-laws don't know either. They're on the other side of the world, which makes it easier. (Some of them are starting to get Internet, though, and befriending me--good thing I made a "neutral for in-laws and employers" facebook page.) I like them a lot, but I know that my mother-in-law would never stop reading to me from the Bible if she found out I was atheist. I still tell them I'm Jewish "but not that religious". We're very different and I don't think it's worth it to have arguments.

Permalink Reply by Round Peg on November 19, 2010 at 5:44pm

Sadly, my wife and I were both fundamentalist Christians when we married months after graduating college. It would have made no sense for us to marry otherwise. Ironically the church I attended growing up sometimes cited a statistic that 90% of Christians entering a secular college lose their faith before graduation. But for me it took two additional years of a very difficult marriage to finally see the light.

Permalink Reply by GodMockingBitch on December 6, 2010 at 7:25am

I have been married for 7 years. We were both christian when we married. I have been atheist for 9 months now and It was really hard at first. He couldnt understand how I changed so drastically. He is settling in to the fact that this is not a phase I'm going through but a real change in my life. I think as long as we dont try to change each other we can make it. I will never go back to any religion....ever. I dont respect his beliefs, but I respect him. I wont go to church with him at all. When the subject of religion comes up we basically bump heads. I just dont bring it up. He still talks about the goodness and greatness of god (which drives me nuts) but I stay silent. He knows I dont buy it. We are finding our way. It will take time.

Permalink Reply by B.D. on January 2, 2011 at 1:24pm

I came out a couple years ago, and it has been rough. My wife has been very manic depressive about it all since. Sometimes she wants stay together other times she threatens divorce. Overall the situation has been livable I'm just not sure it will stay that way. The last thing I want is a divorce where a theist judge oversees any custody proceedings.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on January 23, 2011 at 3:14pm

Living with a manic depressive...now that that's harder than living with a religious spouse!