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Which came first?

Did you become atheist first, or meet your partner first?

For me I was in a relationship w/ my Catholic husband, I was in my pagan experiment at the time (being that he was fine with paganism and even went to pagan festivals, he's a pretty open-minded Catholic). I became atheist over a year ago.

He accepts me even though I don't think he really "gets" it, and he sort of thinks I keep changing my religion. Before my pagan experiment I had spent my childhood going to UU church and celebrating a few Jewish holidays if we remembered to.

I accept him even though I also like to debate. Sometimes he's gotten defensive and then I've told him if it makes him happy to believe that God answers his prayers, etc, then I want him to be that way and I support him fully. I certainly don't want him to just go along with whatever I say! And since I have been the one to change my views over the years, that would be a silly thing to expect.

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on October 9, 2011 at 10:30am

I met my husband first. We attended High School together. We both had the same religious views and then we have evolved. I'm now an atheist and he's still evolving -- he's a non-practicing theist. Maybe he'll make it to where I am someday.

Permalink Reply by Facts Before Faith on October 20, 2011 at 10:16pm

I really feel for all of you. I'm scared for some of you too. Please be careful.

I'm quite lucky really. My wife and I were both Christian when we married 4 years ago. I have always been the more deeply religious one in all my relationships. But now over the past 6 months I've left religion entirely. It's caused some problems and she's cried a number of times, out of fear for how I might change. It's hard for me to not talk about it because I haven't come out to anyone else except a friend or two, who I don't get to talk to very often. She's felt judged at times because I do rail against some of the more ridiculous religious beliefs that some people have. It's really hard to not talk to my wife about one of the most important changes in my life.

Luckily my wife is not super religious. She believe in God, Jesus and being a good person. That's about as far as it goes. She doesn't really want to talk about religion at all. Sometimes it bothers me that people insist on being in religions that they know almost nothing about. But, I'm very grateful that she's not a fanatic by any stretch of the imagination. I suppose Casual Christian is far better than Fundamentalist.

Best wish all. I hope things work out for you all and that you're all safe and happy eventually. I know divorce sometimes follows this kind of shift in world view. Hopefully it won't happen for any of you, but from personal experience, I know that you can be very happy after divorce. Good luck.

Martin

Podcast and Blog at: www.factsbeforefaith.com