Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gina H on February 19, 2011 at 6:50pm

You're right - if they don't like what I have to say, it's their problem. I sometimes wish I had a more eloquent way of phrasing things, but it's not like there's a contest going on. No prize for expressing the nicest best wishes.

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Permalink Reply by Keith Brian Johnson on February 19, 2011 at 10:01pm

I'd use "I hope all goes well."  I don't know if that's an improvement over "I hope everything turns out okay."

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Permalink Reply by Gina H on February 23, 2011 at 8:00pm

"I hope everything goes well." - That should do the trick. Thanks!

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Permalink Reply by Jan deBoer on February 23, 2011 at 5:05am

Suggested reply - "If prayer worked, I would have seen a Faith Healer, not a surgeon!"

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Permalink Reply by Alona Naga on February 19, 2011 at 11:36pm

At least its not as blunt as my "I hope that works out for ya'".

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Permalink Reply by chris robinson on February 24, 2011 at 11:19am

Hi Gina & although I'm only a newbie to the site, I welcome you to the group of rational thinkers.

In regards to your best wishes situation, I agree there is not much help that can be derived from any prayer or prayers. There is a great poster I have which shows a person kneeling in prayer, with the caption below saying "How to do absolutely nothing, but still think your helping!   Another I have says, Two hands working will acheive much much more than even ten thousand hands clasped in prayer. 

Also you could always point out how not even the most ardent religious nutter would ever advocate praying for someone who has lost a leg or an arm for the almighty to heal them & grow another limb.

Hope this is helpful, Cheers CR ;-)

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Permalink Reply by Iva Viddal on February 24, 2011 at 8:36pm

I never feel like I've said the right thing either.  I always say, "I'll be thinking about you/him/her."  It doesn't really mean anything, but at least it shows that I care.  I think I usually try to ask a concerned question or something like that to cover up my lame response, but I always end up feeling just as lame.  The only thing I can say is that nonreligious people like us must secretly appreciate it when we don't say that we will be praying for them. :)

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Permalink Reply by Gina H on February 25, 2011 at 6:53am

You know, to be honest, even when I was trying to live a religious life the words seems inadequate and lame. I guess when you are dealing with someone else's pain or suffering it makes us people around them feel a little helpless. We feel their pain, but really there isn't anything we can do. Well, I'll have this tested tonight. Just found out that my husband's aunt is in the ICU. I was thinking of saying : "We are here for you. May you recover quickly."

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Permalink Reply by Tarentola Mauritanica on February 25, 2011 at 7:14am

Gina, I think there is no "one general" reply to this.

Thinking about my behaviour in such situations i would say that i choose one of two "paths".

a) Very often i do not say anything at all. I try to "signal" using physical expressions that i feel with the person and that I am there if needed.

 

b) I limit my statement to something as short and simple as a "I am there, whenever you need me."

 

Sometimes not saying something or saying only very few things is better than blabla-ing around.

 

I have to say though that i do not have many people that I call "friends" and those that I call friends should perfectly well know that they can count on me and come to me whenever they need to.

 

Just my 5 (euro-)cents.

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Permalink Reply by Neverheidae on February 25, 2011 at 9:35am

Admitedly, I'm a newbie here too, but I saw a lot of people mentioning the "2 hands praying vs. 2 hands working" theme.

You can always offer your help as well as your thoughts. I spent a lot of time at a hospital bedside this summer, and I can tell you. The one family friend who brought us (the bedside watchers, I would not recommend this for a seriously I'll hospitalized person themselves) a loaf of home-made bread and apple butter meant a whole lot more to us than prayers after 3 days of jello and vending machine fare. Offer to pick up their mail, water a plant, any of the million stupid, simple things that get forgotten when life goes insane.

Not appropriate in all situations, I admit.

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Permalink Reply by Martin Allen on February 25, 2011 at 11:34am

So who says your thoughts are "not as important and effective"? Maybe part of the reason you feel bad in this situation is that you feel a little helpless - there's nothing practical you can do that will make everything OK again. That's natural. The religious folk have a similar problem - they can't do anything that will serve any purpose, but they say they will pray. Maybe it salves their conscience a little but I'm sure they still feel a little helpless as they can't do anything more practical. That's all it is. And a sincerely felt "I'll be thinking of you" should be appreciated just as much as a promise to prayer - I doubt the person concerned will be worrying that they are not getting the maximum number of prayers, but to know that people are thinking of them is probably just as much comfort.

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Permalink Reply by damian on February 26, 2011 at 10:22pm

All these people praying about surgery should ask "why did god give them cancer in the first place?" It's sort of like someone rubbing poison ivy on you, and then you hope they bring over some calamine lotion.

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