What should I do in this situation about going to church?

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Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 17, 2010 at 8:37am

I would say go to church (for now) and play along. But be honest about your views if asked by those close to you. Make it clear that you are going to church more for their sake than for yours. That will put them at a disadvantage (you are being considerate, unselfish) and make it harder for them to be judgmental.

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Permalink Reply by Meddlesome on May 5, 2010 at 11:23am

Agreed, Consider it a course in 'know your enemy'.
Also make it clear that you are there to spend time with family, not for the religious crap on the side.

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Permalink Reply by Annie on May 5, 2010 at 11:35am

I'm 28 years old, and I still chicken out when I am close to telling my mother that I am an atheist. My parents aren't highly religious, but I do know that they believe in god. I'm sure they have some idea about my point of view, but I've never just said to them that I am. I do not know how they would react, simply because we never grew up talking about god or evolution or anything. So I know, with me in my situation, it will happen in time. Maybe that will happen for you.

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Permalink Reply by Gilberto Rivera on June 2, 2010 at 12:37pm

I think you ought to stand your ground and refuse outright to go. Just speak your mind and let them deal with it. Why should you simmer in angst and worry because they want to force their beliefs in you? You want to meet them? wait outside the church. Yes it is a tough call, but if they really love you there shouldn't be no rejection. Up to this point in your life, they have loved you because of whom you are; a son, brother, uncle, etc., and how you conduct yourself as a human being. If their affection is going to change overnight because of your lack of beliefs then they are in the wrong. Time will tell if they come around and ask for your forgiveness. Show them how big you are and tell 'em; I've loved you all along. My .02 cents.

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Permalink Reply by Mark Hazeltine on June 4, 2010 at 10:49am

Its a good chance they may suspect you are already. I never really had to "come out" to my parents. We went to church every sunday (southern baptist) until I was 12. At that point they didnt make me go anymore. They saw that I never prayed with the others, showed zero interest in what was going on at church, etc. etc..

I know I had a pretty easy going with them knowing I am an atheist but than again I am a fairly open and upfront person. I think you should be upfront about it also.

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Permalink Reply by FCoNicaea325 on June 8, 2010 at 11:24pm

I think my advice is don't conform, little is done with conformists. They should know the truth, yes? And still care for you after.

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Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on June 8, 2010 at 11:54pm

You said church is helping your family, and that you get to meet people? It doesn't sound like you completely hate going to church. You could wait it out for awhile if your family is going through a rough time and if you see positive sides to going. I'm assuming you are a young-ish age and I think there are a lot of young people who go to church for the same reasons as you, while not being too keen on God/religion. And adults, too--many go to church mostly for socializing!

Come out when the time feels right and weigh out the pros and cons of it. With coming out, whether it's as atheist, gay, or anything else, a person can't go back in the closet later, so they should be sure they are ready. I usually don't volunteer information if I know someone won't understand or will give me a hard time, but I don't lie about it if it comes up either.

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